My Sick Mind

Did ya miss me? Oh. How was your Super Tuesday? Mine wasn't too good. I'm thinking this Democrat deal is going to go to Hillary, and while I thought that might be a good idea - a year ago - now, I'm not so sure. Mostly because John McCain appears to be the Repugnican candidate, and that makes Hillary the anti-Christ to Democrats. We don't need a reason for Democrats to vote for McCain, and Hillary gives them that reason. I'm fearful that America is gullible enough to believe that McCain is a moderate, when actually, he is a clown. I'm seeing a lot of signs and slogans that are getting behind the "Woman in Charge" idea, which I find appealing, I'm just not sure that this woman is the one I want in charge. There it is, the American flag and the waving, happy politician, telling us that she's going to do the right thing. Change. It's all about change. I don't know about you, but I've been through a couple dozen of these Presiden...

I am heavily medicated. Sudafed PE, vitamin C and whatever is in this “Cold-a-rest” stuff that we have at work. All I’m missing is Robitussin to complete the cycle. I’m probably doing severe liver damage, but my liver is just going to have to deal. The faster I can chase this head cold out – or mask its effects – the better I’ll like it. I did it to myself. An ill-advised bike ride on a chilly Saturday afternoon followed by a binge-drinking Super Bowl Sunday and here I am nursing a head cold with over-the-counter junk that does a good job of masking the symptoms and making me a little dizzy at the same time. Perhaps that explains my Obama choice this morning at the polls? If I had to pass a drug test in order to vote, I probably would have failed and been made to recite the alphabet backwards from R or something. I’m thinking I should go out and get some woman pregnant so I could see what kind of over-the-counter-drug influenced baby comes out. That’s easier than it sounds, trust me...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Republican presidential candidates John McCain and Mitt Romney argued on Monday over who is the real conservative with their battle headed toward a Super Tuesday climax. Now, you two play nice. Imagine, arguing over who's the conservative. And the winner ... gets to be the conservative? That's like arguing over who's the child molester. OK, maybe that's a little extreme. It's like arguing over who's the best child molester. That's right. ----------------------------------------- I'm such an oddball. Regular readers are nodding their heads right now. Sure, I watched the Super Bowl like a hundred million other people, but I skipped most of the commercials and the entire half-time show. In fact, I turned the game back on with 11:48 remaining in the third quarter, so I overshot a little. The talk at work today (most of it) centered around which commercial was best and what we thought of the half-time show. I only saw a few commerci...

That's what I said as I was walking out of the theater after seeing "There Will Be Blood", the master work of acting by Daniel Day-Lewis as early 20th century oil tycoon Daniel Plainview in the adaptation of the book by Upton Sinclair. Can't say enough rotten things about him - the character that is. The acting is deep, intense and regardless of who else is nominated this year, Oscar worthy. In fact, he should be nominated next year, too. I had an argument with a radio host/movie critic once, after he said that it is necessary for the lead character in a film to be likable in order for the film to be likable. I argued to the contrary. Since then, several popular films have been successful in spite of dislikable lead characters, "Wall Street" among them. This one is the latest, but Daniel Plainview makes Gordon Gecko look like a boy scout. The film is at once arresting and disturbing, but it probably accurately depicts life among the oil men in turn-of-the...

Today , unlike yesterday, is Groundhog Day . To anyone outside the civilized world, it's virtually meaningless. However, to high-thinking, industrialized, technologically competent Americans, it's a veritable scientific festival. And why wouldn't it be? It's a large rodent predicting the weather. Substantially more accurate than the powerful weather gizmos that TV stations tell us are accurate. Who needs Doppeler radar when we have a whistlepig - a rodent of the family Sciuridae , belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots . It beats the Hell out of Hurricane Schwartz or that Bolaris guy. Today , the large ground squirrel in Pennsylvania said we were going to have six more weeks of winter because he didn't see his shadow, which, every scientist knows, is like a barometric reading in the kiester. I'm not sure what it all means, since it's 50 degrees in Philadelphia today and will be again tomorrow. Tuesday, it's going to 62. We ha...

It dawned on me , after 250-something page hits today, that I should have written something about The Wing Bowl, Philadelphia's annual Slob Festival. However, I ascribe to the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." But that was yesterday. Most (almost all) of the "unique visitors" linked to the essay I wrote last year about Wing Bowl 15, titled "Food as Sport". I didn't write about Wing Bowl 16 because everything I said last year still applies, plus one. I didn't get one hit from yesterday's Super Bowl post. That's me, always picking the wrong bowl. Although they keep promising that each one is "the last one", the gang at WIP's morning show put on another Wing Bowl today. It's such nonsense, that on Thursday night I patrolled the house changing my radios to WXPN so that my alarm wouldn't wake me to the screaming nonsense as it has the previous 15 years. There's noth...

Super Bowl. There, I said it. I didn't say "The Big Game" or whatever other pseudonym they make advertisers use. The NFL has copyrighted Super Bowl and Super Sunday, just so you know. You might accidentally ask someone what they're doing for "Super Bowl Sunday" (which may be two violations) and that person might be working for the NFL (also copyrighted) and sue your ass for ... something. I don't know. There are plenty of ads for stuff to do on Sunday. I think you're still allowed to call it Sunday, unless the Catholics have copyrighted that one. They have to disguise it as The Big Game or The Big Day - something big, that's for sure. They like to use the Roman numerals too. It looks manly I guess. I think the one I'm using has too many letters. It won't fit on a hat or T-shirt. I can't wait for Super Bowl L. That just won't look right, but hey, they made their bed. In case you're keeping track, Super Bowl L will be in MMXV...

I'm a little sad today. OK, maybe a lot sad, but for now, I think a little will suffice. Perhaps it doesn't equate on the level of a great disaster or a major event in the history of America, but it makes me a little sad. Mostly , it makes me sad because I'm a cynic, and I'm pretty sure of two things. 1 - That the romanticism that has been attributed to Barack Obama is misplaced and 2 - That the Hillary Clinton campaign is much like a freight train that can only be stopped by someone placing themselves directly in the tracks. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that John Edwards was some sort of savior to the nation or the perfect political candidate, but I will sit here and tell you that it's symptomatic of the political system in America that Edwards had to drop out of the race today, mostly because a major event is coming up on Tuesday, and the Democrats need to plow the road (or, in Edwards' words, "so that history can blaze its path") a...

They already know it's going to be 128 pages. They know it's being published on February 11, 2008. They even have an ISBN number. What surprises me is that they don't have a cover yet. C'mon, gang; get it together! For the conspiracy theorists among us, here it is: 19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots by The Boston Globe (Author) Available for pre-order now on Amazon.com. $14.95 plus shipping. Really. Click here and get yours today. Gift wrap available.

He's giving the State of the Union Address tonight. Do I want to watch? "I'd rather stick needles in my eyes." - Garrett Breedlove ("Terms of Endearment") The snow has melted but it's still cold. The stars are out and the trees are aglow in artificial light. So, what is there to do? Let's do some star gazing. The photo above is looking to the south. Can you find Orion's belt? Sirius, the dog star? Canis Major? Check the chart below. That's Lepus, right above the glowing tree. See. You learned something. Say Betelgeuse three times and see what happens.

Imagine my surprise. They held the Miss America pageant at some point over the weekend. Was it on TV? Maybe it was on that Country Music Channel? I only know because I happened to stumble across an article on page A8 of the local newspaper. I remember a time when the result was front page news, with a big color photo. Now, there's barely a blurb and I couldn't tell you the name of the winner, except that I think she is from Michigan. The times are changing for the better. Maybe next year I can write that they skipped the stupid thing altogether. Meanwhile , some men are figure skating in Minnesota tonight. Men figure skating. Any competition that involves the words "men" and "choreography" are great reasons to tune away. I watched long enough for the commentator (a woman) to spout something about the next skater doing a "Quad jump", and how he nailed it in practice, so we'd better be sure to watch carefully. He fell on his skinny ass. Next. Th...

NEW YORK - Sylvester Stallone says he used human growth hormone to get buff for the new "Rambo" movie, and defends its use. "HGH (human growth hormone) is nothing," the 61-year-old actor tells Time magazine in its Feb. 4 issue. "Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed." As is anyone who calls Stallone an "actor". What's odd is that he took a growth hormone, but clearly hasn't grown much. His last two films were sequels to 30-year old concepts that were long ago worn out. Grow, will ya? --------------------------------------------------------- WASHINGTON (AP) -- Most taxpayers could expect a rebate of up to $600 starting in mid-May under the economic aid plan set to go through Congress within weeks. Couples could get twice as much, with even more for most families with children. All that, however, depends on smooth sailing at the Internal Revenue Service, and the agency already is up to its eyeballs in filings and refunds. ...

That should be good for the Google searchers. I see that my pals at the Whole Foods Market have shunned the whole plastic shopping bag deal in favor of the canvas ones. It's about time. Last night, I picked up three more at the local Shop Rite, and damned if the kid cashier didn't try to put my stuff in one of those plastic things. I suppose it's some sort of "learned" response, but I'm thinking that the higher-up's at our local supermarkets need to start training the cashiers in the beauty of the re-usable bag. It's a minor struggle to take them into the market. First, they want to know if they're mine or if I'm buying them. What's the point of selling them in the store if it's only going to make the employees think you're stealing them? Second, it's another minor struggle to get the groceries on the conveyor and throw the canvas bags at the bagger at the end of the line before they can start with the crinkly plastic. " N...

With the recent Dr. Martin Luther King holiday , I’m reminded that there aren’t any real activists left in the world. That era passed in the 60s, and I’m thinking that the fate of people like King, Lenny Bruce and Robert Kennedy convinced the more rational thinkers that being a loudmouth and challenging authority can lead to one’s demise. That pretty much puts an end to their activism. The “go along to get along” methodology works in modern culture to the extent that people can make a nice living off it. Conversely, people like Bono made their fortune and now roam the world with fistfuls of money, and have nothing to lose by being moralistic. If they fall, they fall on a pile of money big enough to cushion it. But they won’t, because they don’t take a risky enough stance on anything to put their lucrative career in jeopardy and, God forbid, be unpopular. I don't mean to pick on him , but he's generally front and center so he's an easy target. Choose your favorite celebrit...

I think we have some money coming to us. At least that's what the guys in the big domed building are saying. They wouldn't lie, would they? They're busy cooking up a rebate scheme to help our struggling American economy because money fixes everything. In the great tradition of the federal government, they think that the best way to solve a problem is to throw money at it, and who better to throw money at than the American people? We're supposed to spend it on junk that we wouldn't spend it on otherwise in order to -- anyone? -- stimulate -- anyone? -- stimulate the economy. Yes, the economy. The one that's in such horrible shape that economists are using the "R" word, recession and the one that's in such bad shape that the rest of the world followed in line and their stock markets dropped like stones in sympathy. Then, earlier this morning, the Federal Reserve (not a branch of the Federal government) cut interest rates by the biggest margin s...

Run , don't walk to see "Cloverfield". Forget all that crap you've heard about the so-called shaky camera work and the vagaries of the monster and its unexplained purpose. What you need to do is put yourself in the point of history in which the film places us and allow it to flow over you. You can make the mistake of demanding to know what the thing is and where it comes from or you can play along. I suggest you play along. That's what movies are for. If a real monster showed up, I doubt that it would pause to tell us why it was here. If you must know who or what the monster is, do the research (called Viral-marketing ) and read-up on the Japanese company that Rob (Michael Stahl-David) is being transferred from New York to work for. Watch what happens early in the film when the monster appears and think about it. It's not the focal point of the film, so don't allow it to spoil the fun. It is fun, trust me. I'm usually the first one to scream at bad...

A visit to the A & W web site revealed that they do indeed have burgers and all sorts of food other than the hot dog. Who'd a thunk? Maybe the next time I'm at the food court I might have to try a Papa Burger. While listening to the radio this morning, I heard an ad for priests. Yep, a radio ad for people to think about giving the priesthood a shot. Right after the ad for truck drivers and before the one for the strip club. The ad featured current priests telling us that they found their life's calling by becoming a priest. That's nice, but I'd like to think that a career as a priest would come as some sort of revelation divined by a spiritual force - not an ad on the radio. Doesn't the Army advertise the same way? For the record , the new mattress is an absolute dream. It was more money than I wanted to spend, but in the end, it was worth every penny. There's nothing like a good night's sleep, and I had been on that old lumpy thing for so long I ...

Overheard at the Deptford Mall food court on Saturday night. A father and his two sons, ages 7 and 9 (probably). The father had gone to fetch dinner for himself and the kids: KID: You got me a hot dog. I didn't ask for a hot dog. FATHER: You said you wanted A & W. KID: But I don't like hot dogs. FATHER: Too bad. That's what you got. KID: But that's my opinion! FATHER: My opinion is that you're going to eat it. I'm thinking, "Dude, you're losing an argument with a child." Meanwhile , the wife had gone off someplace in search of her own food. Obviously smarter than the husband. The husband starts wandering the food court aimlessly looking for her, cell phone in hand. FATHER: Didn't you get my message? WIFE: No. The guy had called her on her cell phone to try to figure out where she was. In a food court in a mall. I'm trying to figure out how these phone companies lose money. Life in modern America.

Once . Just once I'd like to be on a delivery schedule where they tell me "Between 8 and 12" and have a knock on the door at 8:15. Just once. As I sat flipping the channels between "Apollo 13" and "Witness" - I stopped once when the Kelly McGillis nude scene flashed on, stunned that Universal showed it so early in the day - I wondered who exactly were the lucky people who get to experience such events. (The delivery thing, not naked Kelly McGillis - although that's interesting, too). Somewhere in New Jersey a happy mattress owner was greeting their courteous delivery guys at 8:15 and gushing over the prompt attention to their schedule. It wasn't here. Just as Jack Swigert was powering-down the command module, a knock came at the door. I had anticipated it, because the cat sensed the strangers approaching, like a feline alarm system. 11:34. Technically , it's between 8 and 12, so can I complain? Nope. Plus the fact that it's a beauti...

I can't lie to you and tell you that there's a lot going on here at My Sick Headquarters. On Saturday morning, I'll be taking delivery of a new mattress - so that's kind of exciting. I'm spending more than I wanted, but something tells me that a good night's sleep is worth a few extra bucks. I'm spending that Ebola money I've been hoarding, so I figure I may as well spend it on "durable goods" like mattresses and cameras than something like fancy restaurants and trips to nowhere. I'm funny that way. The thought , when I started this selling frenzy was that the money would be used for something that I could use over the long term rather than something that is burned up quickly and possibly regret later. That's how my mind works, as if you needed to know. It's a nice mattress . A Sealy pillow top, as if I know what that means. At the store, I laid down on this fancy machine that is supposed to tell me exactly what type of mattress i...