My Sick Mind

They're going to do a makeover on Susan Boyle to glam her up for her new CD and some folks don't like the idea: Britain's Got Talent judge Amanda Holden said: "She needs to stay exactly as she is because that's the reason we love her. She just looks like anybody who could live on your street. "The minute we turn her into a glamourpuss is when it's spoilt. For now we'll keep her exactly as she is because that's why we've all fallen in love with her." That's right - she said spoilt . They also call it Britian's Got Talent, so who knows what language they're speaking over there. Anyway, I find it interesting that they seem to like her because she's not a "glamourpuss." I suppose, if she was an attractive woman she wouldn't have gotten on TV and become famous. It's strange to me that her odd looks are what attracted some people to her voice, which is exactly what happened. As if they couldn't believe...

FORT COLLINS, Colo. – A 6-year-old boy was found hiding in a cardboard box in his family's garage attic Thursday after being feared aboard a homemade helium balloon that hurtled 50 miles through the sky on live television. The discovery marked a bizarre end to a saga that started when the giant silvery balloon floated away from the family's yard Thursday morning, sparking a frantic rescue operation that involved military helicopters and briefly shut down Denver International Airport. But Sheriff Jim Alderden turned to reporters during a news conference and gave a thumbs up and said 6-year-old Falcon Heene is "at the house." "Apparently he's been there the whole time," he said. Yeah, no shit. How much would you want to bet that this attention-whore family knew the whole time that the little brat was at home and not in that home made Jiffy Pop balloon they profess to be able to fly? I'm betting a year's salary. They have already been on "W...

The biggest scam in the history of retail has to be laundry detergent. [I know what you're thinking: "My God, he's been through every conceivable subject, and now he's onto laundry detergent - hand me the remote."] Is there an Internet remote? Seriously (yes) I'm in the grocery store tonight, perusing my choices of detergent which, by the way, mostly have only one syllable [explain] when I notice that there is a wide swing of price from one product to another. I could have purchased the $7.49 container that promised to get my clothes clean, but instead purchased the $2.49 container which promised the identical thing. Is there enough of a difference from one product to another to justify a 332% difference in price? Methinks there is not, hence the scam. Clean clothes are a priority in my life, but if I wanted to spend eight bucks, I'd just as soon take them to the dry cleaners and save the water. Maybe that's the trick? After all, I'm not deali...

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." - Michael Scott "The Office" We really want to believe in stuff. We want to think that the things that happen are the result of something other than our own stupid decisions, smart decisions or somebody else's decisions. We want to believe in some supernatural outside influence. We use words like "luck" and phrases like "it's better to be lucky than good." I think we do that because we're afraid to admit that we were the reason something went badly or that our well wishes had nothing to do with the fortunes of others. We like to think we are included, when in fact, we usually are not. It's baseball playoff time around here (and other places) and the local sports talk radio is infested with stories of people who feel that by leaving the room, entering the room, standing still, moving about or even turning the game off has somehow influenced the local sports team to score so...

Remember that essay I wrote about healthcare reform? Well then, you'll remember its ugly stepsister Credit Card Reform. It seems that the good folks at Bank of America have found a little work-around to that piece of legislation: NEW YORK – Bank of America Corp. said Tuesday it will charge a limited number of its credit card customers annual fees ranging from $29 to $99 starting next year. "We're testing this to see what the feedback is. In terms of any plans going forward, we haven't made any decisions," said Betty Riess, a spokeswoman for Bank of America. She said the fee is being "tested" on 1 percent of its credit card accounts globally, but declined to give specific numbers. Let me guess as to what "the feedback is." I guess -- um -- bad. Like, "Fuck you, you bastards" bad. Like the kind of bad that makes people transfer their balances and start screaming at Bank of America's customer service reps. Oh, and guess who gets ...

A recent article in Time magazine proclaims that the new healthcare reform planned by our federal government will wind up costing us more than if no plan had been enacted. I'll pause a moment now for you to partake in some quiet reflection... OK. That was refreshing. I'm back. Here's a little parcel of info from the article that should help in your understanding of the issue... Just two days before Tuesday's scheduled vote on the Senate Finance Committee's health bill, a report warning that the bill would result in sizable hikes in insurance premiums was released, and then widely panned as a flawed analysis of cherry-picked information. White House officials said they felt "misled" by the insurers, who they claimed gave no notice that they were about to release the study. And health-policy analysts fired out press releases all day Monday debunking various points made in the study, authored by consultants PriceWaterhouse Coopers, including its asse...

I'm not sure whom to thank. Should I thank Franklin Roosevelt for making October 12 a federal holiday in 1937 or Richard Nixon for making it the second Monday in October in 1971? Or should I thank Major League Baseball for scheduling a playoff game for 10:07pm EDT so that clowns like me could stay up until 2:15am to watch Brad Lidge's last pitch and the Phils' 5-4 victory? Or should I thank my employer for recognizing this strange day as part of a three-day weekend so I could stay up until 2:15am? So many choices. Let's call it a four-way tie. And by the way, a special "thank you" to Major League Baseball and TNT who couldn't possibly give up their NUMB3RS and Law & Order repeats so that a baseball game could be played at a reasonable time. The Yankees/Twins game ran late, so the start of the Phillies/Rockies had to be moved from TBS to TNT, where tens of viewers were no doubt chomping at the bit (is it champing or chomping ?) to see NUMB3RS for...