My Sick Mind

This was in today's Inquirer (and copied from the newspaper's web site ): Yankees general partner Hal Steinbrenner admits that some tickets in the new $1.5 billion Yankee Stadium might be overpriced, given the recession. The Yankees set prices for the premium Legends Suites seats 13 months ago and sold them for $500 to $2,500 as part of season tickets. According to the team's Web site, some of those seats remain available for individual games, when the price goes up to $2,625. "I think if anybody in any business had known where this economy was going to go, they would have done things differently," Steinbrenner said. "Look, there's no doubt small amounts of our tickets might be overpriced." Might be? Let's analyze, shall we? We shall. Steinbrenner apparently figures that if "the economy" was better, the tickets would be reasonably priced. Besides the fact that we now have another generation of dopey Steinbrenners to deal with, how ...

Today was one of those days where almost every newspaper article I read (yes, I still read the newspaper) pissed me off a little. First, there was Marianne Bessy's editorial about how the Philadelphia Zoo is failing to meet the expectations of the animals they house. No kidding. The reason I can't go to zoos anymore is because I love animals. Strange? No, not if you pay attention. Tigers pace in circles, elephants stand in place and animals that are territorial no longer have a territory. Zookeepers expect animals to give up 2 billion years of evolution so that they can live in a concrete bunker adjacent to a fenced-in yard smaller than your house. It makes me sad, and I think the animals are even more sad. Then, there was the article about the Philadelphia Eagles' so-called "gentlemen's agreement" (they're two gentlemen short) with the city over an $8 million payment for something or other. Anyway, the gist of the thing was that former Mayor John Stree...

Smokers are digging deeper for the price of a pack of cigarettes today as the largest increase ever in the federal tobacco excise tax goes into effect. The new federal tax is $1.01 per pack, up from 39 cents. The increase means smokers in Pennsylvania will now pay $2.36 in federal and state taxes for a pack of cigarettes. In New Jersey, which is No. 2 in the nation in tobacco taxes, it will be $3.59, and $2.16 in Delaware. But they are nowhere near New York City, where the price for a pack of cigarettes includes $5.26 in federal, state and municipal taxes. That puts the price of a pack of smokes close to $7. I was naïve enough to think people would stop smoking when cigs got to a dollar a pack. That was during the Carter administration, I think. They're still smoking and they're still throwing them out the window of their cars, either because they're inherent slobs or they don't want the car to smell like smoke - which is odd behavior since they obviously care more abo...

BEVERLY: You're not still writing that thank-you note? CAROL: I'm on the last page. How do you spell conscience? BEVERLY: C-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e. I got Sean from the bakery to baby-sit so let's go out. CAROL: I still don't feel safe leaving Spencer with someone. How do you spell it again? BEVERLY: Spencer is okay. CAROL: I have to finish this letter or I'll go nuts. This can't be right - con science . MIAMI – Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth was charged Wednesday with killing a pedestrian last month while driving drunk after a night out at a swank South Beach nightspot. An arrest warrant charging Stallworth, 28, with DUI manslaughter was filed in the March 14 accident that killed 59-year-old Mario Reyes. If convicted, Stallworth would face as many as 15 years in prison. If we insert our friend mister apostrophe, it becomes man's laughter . Strange thing, this language. So anyway, here's another strange twist to the story: Stallworth w...

I am smelling like a rose that somebody gave me on my birthday death bed. - Scott Weiland Did anybody think that this guy looked like your average, run-of-the-mill salesman? If there is such a thing? No. It's sad to say, but at first glance I figured this guy for a strange creep who might wind up following me home from the mall ( or McGillin's Pub ) wondering why I don't want to take advantage of his incredible offer - for a towel. Last month, Vince Shlomi , (first clue - and how many of you knew his name? Zero.) familiar to most as the TV pitchman for the handy household do-dads the ShamWow and Slap Chop , got himself into a very messy situation with a hooker at a hotel, according to a police report located by TheSmokingGun.com . As detailed in the police affidavit, (that's never good news) on February 7th Shlomi punched a prostitute several times in the face after she chomped down on his tongue and refused to let go. (Several times? Usually, one punch will do ...

Joe Cartoon

After Connecticut won its semi-final game on Saturday, wordsmith Greg Gumbel proclaimed, "They're celebrating in U-Conn land." Um, Greg - I think that's Connecticut. There really isn't a place called U-Conn. It's made-up. Geez . He's a professional broadcaster. In today's Philadelphia Inqirer , their automotive "critic" (I don't know what else to call him) Al Haas wrote about the new Mazda MX -5 thusly : It's cute and sporty, lets you blow-dry your hair on I-95, handles magnificently, and doesn't make you really dollar up to buy it, gas it and insure it. I responded via the luxury of e-mail. For the record, the car they tested costs $27,020 (including shipping) and gets EPA estimates of 21 mpg city and 28 mpg highway. EPA estimates. I'd like to know what part of the world he comes from that says you wouldn't have to "dollar up" to buy a $27,000 2- seater or gas a small car that gets 25 miles-per-gallon. To...