My Sick Mind

NEW YORK – A Wal-Mart worker was killed Friday when "out-of-control" shoppers desperate for bargains broke down the doors at a 5 a.m. sale. Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers shouted angrily and kept shopping when store officials said they were closing because of the death, police and witnesses said. At least four other people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals for observation or minor injuries, and the store in Valley Stream on Long Island closed for several hours before reopening . But they re-opened - which is the important part. I'm guessing that the shoppers who were kicked out during the death investigation were really pissed. In California, two people were killed in a shooting at a Toys 'R' Us in Palm Desert, according to the Riverside County Fire Department. The shooting occurred about 11:36 a.m. (2:36 p.m. ET), authorities said. Police did not release the victims' ages ...

The newspaper came this morning. Actually, two of them - one regular, one jumbo. The jumbo one was advertising because, well ... tis the season. "Stores open 4am Friday" [asterisk] except where prohibited by law. What a sensible law. I have no idea where that is, but I suppose it's a local thing rather than a statewide law. Probably a nice peaceful community. With stores open before sunrise, the big decision for crazy shoppers will be whether to get up early or just stay up. And I'm sure there will be the inevitable drunks out after closing who waddle into line for something they won't remember they bought or who they bought it for. I'll be curious to hear the whining once the shopping season starts (officially - as if there is a governing body) and the retailers moan about their poor sales because of (here it comes) the economy. I'm not sure we know what the economy is, but we know it's bad. Gasoline prices are down, so you can put some gasoline u...

I love the supermarket. Really. So many things and so many people. Our supermarket sells LCD televisions. Really. I'd love to be there when someone buys one. It must be like seeing a total solar eclipse. I bet the manager comes running out peeing himself, screaming "We sold a TV!" That would be like Best Buy selling cereal. What I get mostly are the ass-end of banal conversations while waiting on line. Tonight was a highlight. The guy in front of me with four totally unrelated items was curiously looking around the crowded store while fumbling for his debit card. HIM: [to the cashier] Why are you so busy tonight? CASHIER: Um ... it's Thanksgiving. HIM: Oh. [obviously he was recently dropped to Earth and just now needed groceries] CASHIER: Gobble gobble! The customer walked away, seemingly enlightened as to the ritual purchasing of food in advance of a holiday. These instances invariably make me shake my head and mutter, "men." ME: [to cashier] Even I kne...

LOS ANGELES – Chris Brown was the big winner, but it was Kanye West's night at the American Music Awards. Instead of his typical tantrum — a trend West started four years ago when he lost the favorite new artist prize — the rapper claimed two trophies Sunday and called on his colleagues to up their game. Sunday night we were treated to another awards show and another excuse for a TV show. They’re called the American Music Awards, but I see that Annie Lennox (from Scotland) won something and Enrique Iglesias (from Spain) won, and Coldplay and Rhianna (from Great Britain) were nominated, so I guess I don’t know what the “American” part is all about. We like to give out awards, and we especially like to give them out to people who have already been amply rewarded with shit-tons of money, which doesn’t explain all the angst over them. After all, why should we care who wins a made-up award? We’ve already awarded them our money. Magazines and web sites are putting out their year-end l...

This coupon was attached to my Sunday paper today. 10% off my adult beverage purchase at one of the local stores. "Not valid on sale items, club wines, closeouts, items ending in $.98 ..." Huh? What kind of condition is that and why does it matter? How about items ending in $.99? My cynical side says that most of the items in the store end in .98. I also enjoy the extra exclamation points (It's worth the trip!!!). I don't see it mentioned in my Style Manual, so I'll assume it means that they are extremely excited.