My Sick Mind

I use a lot of sunscreen . If I'm outside for more than 20 minutes without it, I end up looking like a 50/50 bar . Burned calves, burned neck or burned head if I forget to wear my hat. It's a social problem, since sunscreen is either greasy or spray-on lacquer that isn't very becoming in public. Lucky for me I don't spend a lot of time outside in situations where I'm wearing regular clothes. In those cases, I'm the first one to find the shade tree. I have adopted the nickname Caucasian Man , given my fine white complexion and continual war with the sun. Caucasian Man has few superpowers. Forgetfulness and anxiety if I go outside without my sunscreen are two of them. Not exactly the stuff of comic books, but I'm more the blog type. Sunscreen is one of the last high-end personal use products that we buy. I just bought a 5 ounce can of CVS brand Cooling mist SPF 45 that cost me eight bucks. They can charge eight bucks because they know that we know we need th...

As some of you know, I have begun the slow, agonizing chore of searching for a new job. It joins car shopping and dental work as things that I see as necessary evils. A recent outing took me to an open house for a financial company. Every month, we loan hard-working American homeowners, like you, millions of dollars to consolidate debt and reach for their dreams. We are a nationwide lender offering a wide range of mortgage-based products to homeowners with a variety of needs and goals. So, who are these homeowners and what are their needs and goals? I’m glad you asked. The PowerPoint show told us that their average home value was $254,000, their average income was $125,000; they were between 29 and 42 years of age and their average amount of unsecured (credit card) debt was … ready … $70,000. That’s right. They owe more on their credit cards than the equity in their home. So, our goal is to meet their needs by lending them money. That struck me as odd, since it sounds a lot like digg...

... I don't get this whole "illegal immigration" debate. If they are illegal, what are we debating? ... I don't get this stem cell bill veto, either. The president vetoed the latest bill , saying that "If this legislation became law, it would compel American taxpayers for the first time in our history to support the deliberate destruction of human embryos." I guess it's not OK for taxpayers to pay to destroy embryos, but it is OK for taxpayers to fund the war in Iraq, where actual walking, talking humans are being destroyed every day. ... I don't understand why automobile drivers in Pennsylvania (and other states) are required by law to wear seat belts, but motorcycle riders are not required to wear helmets. ... I don't understand why it is legal to sell tickets to events on web sites for exorbitant prices, yet so-called "scalpers" outside the actual event are arrested and/or chased off the property by police. Why is there a difference ...

I love a good snack. Life is good when snacks are good, and Cheez Doodles are good. Forget everything you learned about spelling or proper grammar - they're Cheez Doodles . Doodles made of cheez. Wise is one of those eastern snack food companies that people out west pay to have shipped to them, like Tastykake's and Herr's chips. It seems that the northeast is the capital of snack foods. Everybody has to be good at something. So, imagine my surprise when I picked these out of the snack food machine at work ... ... INTERLUDE: There is no more pensive moment in one's life than that second or two between the time we press C1 and the little spiral thingy spins and we wait ... wait ... in hopes that the bag of Cheez Doodles will find its way to the trough below and not be hung-up in snack Purgatory ... the little spiral thingy still attached to a part of the bag ... clinging to hope against hope that its bag-life will not soon end. It is at that point that we seek out the ...

Candy cigarettes predispose children who play with them to smoke the real things later, new research concludes. The look-alikes made of candy or gum are marketing and advertising tools that desensitize kids and open them moreso to the idea of smoking later on, says study leader Jonathan Klein of the University of Rochester. Candy cigarettes cannot be considered simply as candy, Klein said. 22 percent of current or former smokers had also regularly consumed candy cigarettes, while only 14 percent of those who have never smoked had eaten or played with candy cigarettes often or very often. OK, Jon, count me in with the 14 percenters. Actually, 22 percent versus 14 percent sounds inconclusive to me, but then, I'm not a paid "study leader". When I was a kid (when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I remember going to the little general store and buying giant bubble gum cigars. They even had little paper bands. I also bought little paper toy cigarettes that blew a little puff of ...

Here is tonight’s forecast from the good folks at weather.com . Pretty boring stuff, eh? However, I’m still not sure whether I should take my umbrella, since there appears to be a slight chance of rain, even though I won't need it for more than an hour. Or maybe I should take my twenty percent umbrella, which works eighty percent of the time? What meteorological phenomenon occurs between 4pm and 7pm to reduce the chance of rain to zero? C’mon, weather guessers; you know the chance at 4pm is zero, too. Your problem is that you want to hedge your bets, like those snow forecasts where you tell us that we will get between 2 and 6 inches of snow. That’s a big range. I won’t stay home for 2 inches, but I will for 6. Then, when we get 6 you tell us you were right. "See ... six inches, just like we said." Weasels. Here’s a news flash: It ain’t gonna rain tonight. Zero chance. Not 10% or 20%. What in Hell is a 20% chance anyway? Either you think it’s going to rain or not. Mean...

I was sort of rooting for Angel Cabrera to win the U.S. Open - sort of - until I saw him flick a cigarette butt on the 15th fairway during Sunday's final round. Did somebody pick it up? Until today, the only player I ever saw smoking on the course was Rosie Jones many years ago. Some habits are hard to break. The weird part of me (is there not a weird part?) was rooting for Bubba Watson, since he's left-handed, and I can use all the lefty's I can get if I'm ever going to take up this game. I find myself reversing all the advice I see on TV - right is left - and filing it in my head for future reference. Mickleson is a lost cause. Tiger came up a little short, and I suppose most media outlets were praying for a Father's Day win for the expectant father, but sometimes you cannot plan history. The other thing that I found interesting is how TV can make a golfer look as though he is out there alone without a playing partner. Having come from the McDonald's Champ...