My Sick Mind

The things that go through my mind - you have no idea. Today , I was thinking about the old flesh colored crayon, and wondering if it still existed. You see, I haven't messed with crayons since I was a child, so I have no idea what sorts of colors they come in now. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. One of the measures of status as a child was the size of ones crayon box. Seriously. I remember being kind of a big-shot around the schoolyard because I had the giant box of 64 with the little sharpener in the back. Lots of kids had the box of 8. Pikers. Any kid with 10 cents can have a box of 8 crayons. Brown , green , orange , red , yellow , black, blue and violet . Boring. I had apricot, bittersweet and burnt sienna. Five years old and 64 crayons . Can life get any better? I submit that it cannot. Anyway , I remember this Crayola crayon with the name "flesh". As a kid I thought nothing of it, since it sort of matched my flesh color, and I figured that my co...

In case you haven't heard (and why would you?) there's some-a-cussin' going on. Television cussin', that is. Live TV + Jane Fonda = A Hell of a lot of fun. Jane Fonda appeared on The Today Show Thursday morning talking about a play called "The Vagina Monologues". As you can see, on television you're allowed to say vagina at 9am, but not ... well, watch and learn: She "inadvertently said" the word. Really? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, inadvertently: 1 : not focusing the mind on a matter : inattentive 2 : unintentional - in·ad·ver·tent·ly adverb . It didn't sound unintentional to me. I think she was being advertant . It didn't sound like a slip or something that was not intended to be used. Meredith made it sound like it got spewed out in the heat of the moment. Jane knew what she was saying. A little faux pas by our old pal Jane. At 70, you'd think she would be old enough to know better. Maybe she does, which...

Part of being a weirdo is that I can get excited about things that few other people get excited about. Three of them are happening now. 1 – There’s a cool new sidebar item on my blog. Scroll down a bit (or check the bottom right corner of your screen) and you’ll see a Yahoo Finance heading with a bunch of junk under it. There’s a 6-month chart of the NASDAQ Index, some news headlines and stock quotes for some notable companies. If you want to get it for your site, go to Yahoo Finance (or click here ) and select the “get quotes for your web site” option (under the Dow Jones quote box), follow the directions and add it to your HTML/Java Script page element. Viola! You might have to be a registered Yahoo user to make it work - or not - I don't know. 2 – Yesterday was the start of the 2008 LPGA season. I know what you’re thinking, just like the groundhog; this means six more months of Paula Creamer posts. Well … yeah. This week, the girls are in Hawaii (not bad being a golfer, eh?)...

Today's assignment - read and analyze the quotes outlined in bold type: "I have never used steroids, human growth hormone or any other type of illegal performance-enhancing drugs," Roger Clemens, 45, said in refuting charges first made by Brian McNamee in a report requested by Major League Baseball and conducted by former Senate Democratic leader George Mitchell. McNamee countered, "When I told Senator Mitchell that I injected Roger Clemens with performance-enhancing drugs, I told the truth." McNamee said he injected Clemens with steroids and human growth hormone, between 1998 and 2001 . Here's your question, class . Is someone lying? Answer (a) for yes or (b) for Hell yes. Next. Read the following and analyze: It seemed clear early the committee would not treat Clemens with kid gloves, despite face-to-face meetings he did with representatives in recent days - sometimes posing for photos or signing autographs for staff members. There was one wide-eyed fan ...

"I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?" - Charlie Brown, "A Charlie Brown Christmas" Thursday is Valentine's Day . Thursday is Valentine's Day. Thursday is Valentine's Day. Jesus Christ Almighty - Thursday is Valentine's Day! It's impossible to go ten minutes with the radio, TV or newspaper without some dimwit reminding us that Thursday is Valentine's Day. If there is a person alive who forgets or neglects to buy something for "that special someone" in their life, they should be roundly beaten with a blunt object. It could be worse . I could be in a wheelchair and be constantly reminded that running shoes are on sale. I could be blind and have to listen to notices of a big book sale at Barnes and Noble, or I could be deaf and have to read all about the Grammy Awards. Actually , I'm not deaf and I couldn't care less about the Grammy...

Up until last week, I was officially "undecided" along political lines. I am, however, officially decided when it comes to the income tax system in this country. The decision is that it's ridiculous, and puts an unnecessary burden on the low income people with regard to filing. Every year my mother asks me to file her taxes for her. It's ridiculous on two fronts. (1) She's a Social Security recipient and earns less than $5,000 a year working part-time and (2) Her employer deducts both state and federal taxes from her paycheck. This year, like all the rest, I had to file an income tax return for her, which refunds to her all the money she paid to both the state ($63) and our federal government ($185). Can someone tell me how that is an efficient way to operate? I had to go to the New Jersey state web site and open up a statement, file a return and have them send a check to her. Then, I had to go to the federal site, which directed me to TurboTax's free e-fil...

Subway is running ads now , telling us that it's 12 years since Jared went on that sandwich diet and lost 245 pounds. All of their celebrity pitchmen (and women) are seen congratulating him on losing the weight and keeping it off. Good for you, buddy! Don't lose that big endoresement deal, fat ass! It's amazing to me that this kid parlayed a Subway menu into a career. I'm assuming that representing Subway is his only job. It's one of those minor scams - you know the kind - the ones that are good on their surface, but in you heart (and mind) you know it's bullshit. I could probably lose a hundred pounds eating ice cream, if I only ate 16 ounces a day, drank water and bicycled 50 miles, and nothing else. By the way, on their web site, Subway officially turns their back on Jared and his methods, in fine print: * Individuals lost weight by exercising and eating a balanced, reduced-calorie diet that included SUBWAY ® sandwiches with 6 grams of fat or less. Their r...