My Sick Mind

I got a letter in the mail today. It isn't often that I get letters in the post, what with e-mail and text messaging. I wondered if it was a stranger sending me a check or returning that ATM card that I'd lost two months ago. It was a handwritten letter addressed to Dear Neighbor. It went on: Most people will readily admit that along with some happiness, we also face a lot of problems. No argument there. Many are being weighed down by the stress of living in this fast paced world. When pressures of life get us down, we need the comfort of a willing and supportive listener. Finding someone to turn to can be a challenge. I suppose that's why the sender was facilitating my quest with a suggestive letter. That is why I've enclosed this tract that discusses who we can turn to in times of trouble. The tract was one of those hand-out pamphlets that we've all seen decorating urinals and floors across America. Closer examination found that it came from the Watch Tower ...

The other stop on last night's mall walk was a calendar store. Calendar stores have a limited life-span, and this one was only 6 days into the new year, and prices were cut by 50%. There can't be much to say for a product whose asking price is halved in less than a week. Bananas last longer. I'd figure to have to wait until at least June to get half-price calendars, but by then the Christmas store would be moving in. Last night, the Christmas store was packing up, having finished its post-holiday 50% off sale. What schmuck pays full price for that stuff? There were a lot of calendars. Most of the wall hanging ones were $12.99, and the little desk-top ones were ... $12.99 ... Something is wrong here. (By the way, what's 50% off of $12.99?) And you don't see too many of those 18-month calendars anymore, do you? Somebody figured out what a boneheaded idea that was. Give people less of a reason to buy a calendar. Good one. I wondered how those people replaced their c...

On my visit to the local shopping mall tonight, iSaw an iPod vending machine at Macy's. Actually, it was a Sony vending machine, because inside was a PSP, camera, headphones and all of those various iPod accessories that iPod owners are told that they can't live without. iHave always felt that iCan live without an iPod, but for some reason (known only to the Sony marketing people) iFound myself strangely drawn to this machine. iDon't particularly desire an iPod, but seeing it in a vending machine made me want one. iWondered how many of them they sell and why it seemed like it would be more fun to buy one this way than to interact with a human. However, after iStarted touching the screen and found out that the high-capacity ones are still $250, iRealized why the machine shouldn't influence my spending habits. Sure, they had the little 1 gigabyte mini (that iWould probably lose in the laundry) but that seems to me like a gateway iPod, and iWould soon be spending the two...

As we saw when the Phillies won the World Series, everything is for sale. Commemorative items up the yinyang were made "celebrating" the Phils' dramatic post-season run. You aren't a fan if you don't have a World Series flag for your car or a set of pint glasses with the logo. For the record (as if it matters) I have a hat that says "2008 World Champions." That's it. I was at the games. I'll remember just fine. Now, the consumer suck-fest has set its sights on Barack Obama's inauguration. The fine gang at QVC are leading the way. Surprised? Among the items QVC has been selling since the election are a Barack Obama stamp collection, with stamps from Liberia, Sierra Leone, Grenada, St. Vincent and The Grenadines ($38.88). One set has an Obama-Biden half dollar coin and a 1939 stamp depicting George Washington taking the first oath of office ($23.75). An Obama throw blanket is marked down from $41 to $36.84 . Try to spend that Biden half do...

Head colds are the worst. My nose started tickling on Saturday, but I chose to ignore it, even though I knew exactly what was coming on Sunday. To paraphrase J. Peterman, “My head is one gargantuan monkey fist.” It’s a good excuse though - “I have a cold.” It can get you out of doing a lot of stuff you’d otherwise not do. The downside is that my lunch is tasteless. “Oh, I’m sorry – I’m really fighting this head cold.” we say - as though we can fight them. I bought some liquid Tylenol and those Sudafed pills that look too small to work. (Which is probably why they don't) Now, I’m drinking water like crazy trying to fight off the full-body dry-out. That I can fight. The cold is another matter. Getting up in the morning is a bitch. Lying horizontally brings all the junk to my head, and the first half hour is spent re-learning how to breathe. Nothing works right until I get into the shower and let the hot water steam me loose. I used to be able to use my nose. Now, I have to brea...