Friday, September 26, 2008

Lactation Nation

"ya know how they have great names for their ice cream? wonder what they would call theirs?"
- Kimmyk asking what Ben & Jerry's would call breast milk ice cream

Mamma Jamma.
Dreamy Creamy.

Share My Diseasescream.

Leave a comment. I'm open to suggestions, and I'm sure the Ben & Jerry's people are too.

I'm getting scads of page hits over the Cornfield Palin post yesterday. Go figure. Tens of people have Google searched "Cornfield Palin" and wandered over here. I wish I could have thought of a joke to accompany the photo and story. Maybe Sarah is the joke?
I tried to think of what an artist's medium would be for a Cindy McCain portrait. Ice sculpture? Driftwood? Maybe a Ben & Jerry's ice cream box ... Ice Queen Cream. Leave a comment.
The first debate was tonight. I watched most of it with my friend from Ohio. Mostly, it was one guy telling the other guy that he is wrong about what he said and one guy telling the other guy that he is mistaken about what he said and when he said it. I'm not sure the debates solve a lot of issues over which candidate a voter is voting for. If it were me, I would use humor and try to be folksy because in the end, people want a president that they think is just like them. In fact, none of them have ever been like us, although we think that they are.
Who among us doesn't think that we are smarter than George W. Bush? It could be a game show. "Who's Smarter Than the 43rd President?" Tonight on Fox.
Me is.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Cornfield Palin

Those screwy Ohioans are at it again.
WHITEHOUSE, Ohio (AP) - You need to be airborne to fully appreciate a corny caricature of Sarah Palin near Toledo, Ohio. A 16-acre cornfield has been carved up in the likeness of the Republican vice presidential candidate to form a tourist attraction's fall corn maze.
The Butterfly House in Whitehouse is owned by Duke Wheeler, who says Palin created a lot of excitement in the campaign and he was hoping to generate some for this year's maze. He says it took an artist from Idaho at least 8 hours to mow down corn stalks in a Palin pattern, complete with her familiar updo hairstyle and eyeglasses
I wonder if Cindy McCain feels slighted? After all, she's supposed to be the hot young babe trophy wife of the old-fart war hero, right? Or am I overstating it?
That's the picture from here at 7pm on Thursday. An endless line of rain stretching from now until sometime Sunday. Probably right around sundown, so's to screw entirely with the precious two days off. It's that swirly thing near Raleigh that's the real trouble maker.
I think that patch near Norfolk looks a little like Sarah Palin.
I wish I was making this one up:
WATERBURY, Vt. - Mooove over, Holsteins. PETA wants world-famous Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream to tap nursing moms, rather than cows, for the milk used in its ice cream. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is asking the ice cream maker to begin using breast milk in its products instead of cow's milk, saying it would reduce the suffering of cows and calves and give ice cream lovers a healthier product.
That's right.
"If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers — and cows — would reap the benefits," wrote Tracy Reiman, executive vice president of the animal rights advocacy group. She said dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies and obesity. Ashley Byrne, a campaign coordinator for PETA, acknowledged the implausibility of substituting breast milk for cow's milk, but said it's no stranger than humans consuming the milk of another species.
"We're aware this idea is somewhat absurd, and that putting it into practice is a stretch. At the time same, it's pretty absurd for us to be drinking the milk of cows," she said
Well, you know we're all about the cows. How much ice cream do you figure Ben & Jerry would sell of they planted a "Made from genuine mother's milk" label on the carton? Almost zero, I'm guessing.
I think the people at PETA (they are people, right?) have finally lost their minds. Can they be serious?
Hey PETA...
"Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of milk ... Do some fuckin' thing."
- Jimmy Serrano, "Midnight Run"

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What's on TV? Not much.

I was very tired when I got home from work tonight. So much so that I decided to plop down on the sofa (a rare event) and flip on the TV and let it entertain me. Easy, I thought. The obvious choice was the Phillies game. The Phils are in the midst of a pennant race that they seem bound and determined to milk to the very last day. With big rain storms coming, the weekend should be full of three hour rain delays and not a lot of baseball.
During the telecast of the game, the cameras took us to The High and Inside Pub, a bar located inside Citizen's Bank Ballpark. I've been to the ballpark a hundred times and have walked past this place often. Every time I walk past I think the same thing: Why would someone pay for a ticket to the game and spend time sitting inside a bar watching the game on television?
Then, over on ABC it was the David Blaine show where, for the three seconds I had it on, he was shown hanging upside down from a rope. The host muttered something about what amazing thing he was about to do just before I changed the channel. Something about catching a bullet with his teeth. Uh huh.
Magic shows on television are suckers events. Television can make us believe anything and putting a magician on television is ridiculous. I could do magic on television. All I need is an editing bay and some network air time. ABC had two hours to spare and couldn't wait to give it to this guy. Pass.
It turned out that the amazing thing he was going to do had already been disproved by the Mythbusters crew so I knew better than to waste my time. You'd have to be a stone idiot to believe that anyone could catch a bullet with his teeth. I'd bet he could catch a bullet with his head, but they'd never put that on TV. It's not worth watching otherwise.
NBC was running the grammatically horrible America's Got Talent, and had the audacity to put the word LIVE up in the left corner of the screen. Stop me if you've heard this: Three judges debate over the skills of different people performing in front of them. This, so far, is the best idea NBC has for Wednesday night. Would it have killed them to call it America Has Talent or Americans Have Talent? Simon Cowell is one of the show's producers, proving that some people never have enough money.
The NFL Network was showing a game that was played on Sunday and ESPN2 was showing a game that was played 6 years ago. Next.
Meanwhile, the Phillies were getting clobbered and Larry King was interviewing the now ashen-haired Bill Clinton, who blew a chance to be a real statesman when he blew his junk all over Monica Lewinsky's dress. He was talking about how "appealing" he found Sarah Palin and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Then he said that it was time that the next president found a way to help "regular Americans" (the ones without talent) find enough money to pay their bills. Larry should have asked him what a regular American was, but he was too busy with his chin in his hand pretending to listen in that charming way he has.
My cable bill is 65 bucks a month.
I'm going to bed.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A nation of laws or a nation of men?

When you're thinking about stupid stuff you could get arrested for, think about this:
NEW YORK (AP) — New York City police arrested more than a dozen people for stealing pieces of Yankee Stadium during the 85-year-old ballpark's final game. Police said Tuesday that 18 fans were charged with possessing stolen property. Officers were out in force for the stadium's final game on Sunday to keep souvenir hunters from tearing away pieces of the place. Yankee spokesman Howard Rubenstein told the New York Post that they intend to hire a private security team to protect the stadium from other would-be thieves.
They're tearing the place down in three months. What could people possibly steal that wouldn't otherwise be left for rubble? My guess is that they stole something that the Yankees figure they could put up on Ebay for money.
Meanwhile, somebody put the cuffs on Mariano Rivera, seen here filling a plastic container with dirt from the pitcher's mound.
It's one of those little things, but I have yet to read the arrest report on Mariano Rivera for stealing a piece of the stadium - seen in the photo above. I guess because he works there, he can take what he wants?
Laws are being broken right under your noses, guys.
One fan went onto the field after the game, blended in with the grounds crew - and nearly escaped with third base, a hunk of grass and some dirt, sources said. Many were nabbed ripping cup-holders from seats. Among those arrested was Patrick Kearns, who prosecutors said is the son of a retired New Jersey police chief. Another, Chris Dertinger, was charged with causing more than $1,000 worth of damage. Eleven defendants, including Kearns were released without bail at their arraignments last night.
You're kidding, right? How can somebody cause a thousand dollars worth of damage to something that is going to be destroyed? Rivera escaped with a Tupperware container full of dirt. Stop him! He's dangerous.
Yankee spokesman Howard Rubenstein said the team plans to hire a private force to protect the Stadium's exterior.
Right before they hire a private company to blow it to smithereens.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Save the cheerleader - save the world.

Some (most) of you don't appreciate the significance of Monday night. That's why I'm here.
My entertainment habits are broken down into two categories - fact and fiction that is so unbelievable that it's capable of being true.
That's why I was so drawn into Heroes.
I missed out on the first season, and didn't get into it until midway through the second season.
A friend at work loaned me the DVDs of first season of the show, and I watched all 16 hours in less than two weeks. That's how drawn-in I was over the story of ordinary people with extraordinary abilities.
A few weeks ago I bought the second season. I finished watching it tonight, just in time for Monday's 3-hour third season premiere.
For those of you who don't know anything about the show or would like to - Monday's premiere will be an hour of catch-up followed by a two hour episode. I'm guessing that the catch-up hour will be enough for the uninitiated to become fans.
The writers' strike fell in the middle of the second season and screwed up the show to the point that they abandoned the story and waited over a year to start the third season. Fans of the show (me) are looking forward to the re-start to the point that we are arranging our schedules around 8pm Monday night.
I generally don't watch anything except comedies and fact-based television. There is something about this show that drew me in from the beginning, enough to make me watch 16 hours of DVDs in less than two weeks and buy the second season in anticipation of the third.
It's a complicated show. There are a lot of characters, and it's hard to keep track of them. Sometimes they disappear for a week, only to reappear.
It beats the Hell out of dancing, "reality shows", talent shows, game shows and the usual nonsense that television has been spoon-feeding us over the last couple of years. Complexity has its place. If you've heard about the show and think maybe you might find it interesting, tune in Monday at 8pm (Eastern time) and see what all the fuss is about.