My Sick Mind

OK, so April Fools' Day is over (or as it is sometimes called All Fools' Day) and as usual, the Internet was rife with phony news stories designed to reel us in and make us look ... foolish. WASHINGTON (AFP) – The United States will get its latest unemployment count Friday, with high expectations that the tally will herald an improving job market and a quickening economic recovery. Sure. Har, de har. With Obama pushing the country to the brink of ruin, how could anything good happen? WASHINGTON – Reversing course, Army Secretary John McHugh warned soldiers Thursday that they still can be discharged for acknowledging they are gay, saying he misspoke earlier this week when he suggested the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy had been temporarily suspended. April Fool, you gay bastards! We really got you with that one. How cool is it that it took about 20 years to formulate that one? Good pranks take time. PORTLAND, Maine – Facing a public still w...

“People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them." - Dave Barry WASHINGTON (AFP)* Nearly 40 percent of US Christian churches saw a drop in offerings from their flock last year, according to a survey on contributions compiled by the group Christianity Today International. "For the first time in consecutive years there is a notable decline for a significant number of churches," said Matt Branaugh, one of the report authors. Lawd-a-mighty, what is we gonna do? The recession has hit religion. According to the survey of 1,000 churches across the United States taken for a second consecutive year, 38 percent of churches registered a drop in donations, against 29 percent the previous year. The "State of the Plate" survey did not report the value of the offerings. One third of the churches surveyed -- 32 percent against 14 percent the previous year - cut expenses between one and 20 percent, which included cutting...

Basketball is something like life. Not a lot like life, but something like it. For example, the last 2 minutes take a half hour, because we value last two minutes of something more than the first two minutes. They run up and down the court for two hours only to have the outcome hinge on the last 2 minutes. Why don't they just play two minutes and get it over with? That's why holiday shopping is such a farce. We put off purchases until the last day, thinking that the options will suddenly become clear to us, but they do not. The options are always the same, it's just the time constraint that changes. It's funny to me when a team is ten points down with 30 seconds left, and they call a time out. The options do not change then either, and they are still left wondering. The guys on TV say that coaches don't want to go into the locker room with time out's remaining. That's nice, and it makes their employers think that they have done everything possible to wi...