My Sick Mind

"Bigger is better" says Nokia, who has developed a new Blackberry designed to keep people from using it while driving. A Nokia spokesman said that the added benefits include inability to get it into a movie theater, concert hall or library. They claim that consumers want to go "retro" with their phones and long for the days when the telephone was the noisiest appliance in the home. Now that the noise has spread to the outside, consumers couldn't be happier. Company research has determined that cell phone users do not mind sharing their personal conversations on buses, trains, automobiles or funeral homes, so the phone is perfect for them. Generally, the only place they do not talk on the cell phone is at home, so this new phone will make them feel like they're at home even when they're in yours. It is rumored, however, that Toyota is working on adding wheels and a small engine to the phone so that consumers will once again be able to talk on the phone wh...

Jaime Pressly celebrity wallpaper. Are you happy now? For Christ's sake! Fifteen to twenty a day. Really. I've mentioned Jaime before , (at least once) but never touted her much sought-after celebrity wallpaper. Where do you get paste for that? Jaime Pressly Celebrity wallpaper paste. My Name is Elmer.

This story caught my eye tonight. It's no secret that we eat too much. Everywhere we go, we are told that we are too fat. Words like Morbidly Obese are used, and often, people are buried in piano cases or have to be lifted out of their house like a Chevy engine. The reasons are simple. We eat more than we need to lead our generally sedentary lifestyle. 1200 calories for women and 1500 for men are the general guidelines for people if they're trying to lose weight. In combination with a little exercise the pounds will come off. Unless, however, you venture into one of these fashionable establishments and order a platter that, on its face looks like a nice choice. Words like Salad, Pecan, Chicken, Grill and Broccoli make them sound like they are healthy choices. The fate lies in the additives: Bacon, Cheese and assorted sauces that drive up the calorie content like George Bush sticks his finger up our ass. I've gone two days without a rotten comment about the Presid...

That's cool. That means that they can rush in to stop shoplifters, determine whether or not someone has committed a crime and generally run the store, which seems to either have indoctrinated Pharmacists into the State Police or succeeded from the Union. Either way, ya gotta wonder, WTF? What am I talking about? Kroger . Not the character in Animal House , the grocery store chain: Kroger Co. said Friday it was reiterating its drug policies to all of its pharmacists after a Georgia woman claimed she was denied the so-called "morning after" pill at one of the company's stores. The Cincinnati-based grocery chain said if its pharmacists object to fulfilling a request, the store must "make accommodations to have that prescription filled for our customer." Wow, what a radical concept. I guess that should include contraceptives, right? Have they ever denied selling condoms to men? No. So, what's the problem? Among them was Carrie Baker, who said a...

I find myself slowly regressing into childhood. These days, it's my old Monkees tunes. Try as I might, I cannot outgrow them. OK, so I don't try that hard. Why should I, really? The music brings back a lot of good memories from my childhood, and those aren't all that easy to come by, so methinks I should hold onto the good ones tightly. I remember how quickly those first four albums came out. Every one of them made #1, and they all came out in the same year, 1967. During that year, the albums became the Report Card prize for my music-deprived life. I always wanted the new Monkees album. I was too young to ask for the dope that would have made the songs sound better. I made a scale-model of the Monkee Mobile from a plastic kit. Pretty cool for a 10-year old kid. I never missed the TV show. Never. missed. it. Not only was it funny, but it had all the same music I was listening to on the radio only ... get this ... the songs were little videos. Really. Only, I don't think...

I'm bored. I'm phoning this one in. It's night 68 of 88 consecutive nights of American Idol . The boys. The girls. The chimpanzees. The Results Show. The Banality. Isn't America sick of this yet? I should look on the bright side, it's saving me tons on my electric bill. I only wish my cable company would charge me only when the TV is on. Come to think of it, shouldn't they? Today's Question: What do you call three newspapers who drop Ann Coulter's column? Answer: A good start. NEW YORK (Reuters) - Three newspapers said this week they will drop Ann Coulter's column after the conservative author referred to U.S. Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a "faggot". The Mountain Press in Sevierville, Tennessee; The Oakland Press in Michigan and the Lancaster New Era in Pennsylvania said they would stop running Coulter's syndicated column because of the comment she made last week. Well, it ain't exactly the Inquirer or the...

I never really figured it out. Not completely. Usually, I can at least understand both sides of an argument, even if I strongly side toward one; generally I can understand why the other person would feel that way. With this one, I'm at a loss. It's the global warming debate, and why some people deny the science and take up the other side. You would think that the anti-warming people have political motives, but I have a problem finding a truly political angle. If we are going to argue against what they would refer to as progress (i.e. deforestation, dirty air, more trash, massive home sites and bigger vehicles) I suppose there is an ox to gore (pun intended) but I still believe it is the shallow human who cannot find profit in conservation - if profit is your motivation. The environmental movement has spawned some anti-movements. Some with names that would make us think that their motives are other than what they are. There is one called globalwarming.com , run by a coalitio...

O ccasionally, I get on a rant about the sorry state of what is referred to as popular music. It cycles through phases, and I believe that the present represents low ebb in the state of music. It is harder to find anything of quality to listen to, and radio is the last place I turn for solace. In fact, I have never turned to radio, even when I was young and naïve enough to think that I would find something there. I used to browse the record shops – Record Museum and Sound Odyssey back in the old days and Tower Records more recently – wondering how record companies could manufacture all these records by thousands of artists, yet I would only hear a small fraction of them on commercial radio. As I grew older and more cynical, (i.e. realistic about the way the world works), I would come to realize that it had little or nothing to do with talent or mass appeal. What really mattered was the amount of money that the record label could throw at the station to get them to play their songs. T...

TOKYO - A relaxed looking Michael Jackson smiled and waved at screaming fans as he arrived in Japan on Sunday for his second visit in recent years to host an exclusive party and sponsor a fan art competition. At the VIP party, guests paying $3,500 will get to mingle with Jackson and spend 30 seconds to one minute each of exclusive face time with the Gloved One, according to organizers. Oooh baby! What a bargain. Actually, "face time" with MJ makes me a little squeamish. How about Michael gives me $3,500? While in Tokyo, the star will also host a fan art contest for Japanese who cannot afford VIP tickets, organizers Davis, Bain and Associates said in an e-mail. Three winning artists chosen by Jackson will have brunch with the star and their picture taken together. HERE ARE THE THREE WINNERS CHOSEN BY MICHAEL: Congratulations to those three lucky fans!