I love those green envelopes that come in the mail from my condo association. They're always full of such good cheer. Wednesday's missive was especially wonderful:
PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO FULLY READ THIS IMPORTANT NOTICE it said, underlined so that we wouldn't miss the 16-point type face.
"It has come to the attention of the Country Creek Board of Trustees (BOT) that person are entering the Country Creek pool compound during hours when the pool is not open."
On several occasions recently, sections of the fence surrounding the pool compound have been cut to gain access to the pool area. The nerve. Each time the fence is damaged by vandalism, the repairs cost the association money, which in turn, costs you [underlined] the homeowners/residents, money. [me]
Within the next two weeks, cameras will be installed around the pool compound to ensure its integrity.
We are fortunate to have a big beautiful pool and pool compound (there's compound again) to enjoy during the summer. However, the constant vandalism, necessary police action and costs associated with these problems, including insurance premiums, could cause the pool to be shut down permanently, as it could become too costly to operate. [This next part was underlined] We must do anything to risk losing this luxury privilege that we have.
We're fortunate, all right. So fortunate that we have a pool that people want to vandalize and break into. That's fortunate.
As the few remaining faithful readers will remember, I opposed the $28,000 that was spent last year to renovate the pool. The guy in charge of the association told me that the pool was "responsible for 30% of my home's value." One particular warm Sunday, I observed 6 residents at the pool in the afternoon. That isn't close to 3% of the residents. So, if someone wants to vandalize the pool, I say, go for it.
I took the time to fully read the notice.
Close the Goddamned pool and save us all the trouble of maintaining it and the cost of sending out notices and installing surveillance cameras. I haven't used it in 18 years and have no plans of using it in the future. Any possibility of using it vanished with last year's notice advising parents to make sure their toddlers were "wearing swim diapers." They had to close the pool and clean the water because some kid stained the pool. Not clean enough for me. Sure, I'm going in.
It isn't even water, although that's what it's called. Water doesn't contain chlorine and other chemicals, and it isn't treated and filtered and measured for pH and limited to times when it won't make your eyes burn. There's a difference between water and pool water.
If I have to explain it to you, it's probably too late.
A pool haiku (a poolku)
The stagnant water
is more damaging than the