My Sick Mind

This 18" x 10" box was waiting on my doorstep when I got home tonight. "What could it be?" I wondered quietly to myself. I knew I had placed a small order from Amazon, but what could be in such a large box? A small box, as it turns out. This relatively tiny box of creatine tablets (bigger, faster, stronger) was inside, with a year's supply of packing material. I win. Earlier, at the Wawa, a nice clerk asked me if I wanted a separate bag for my sandwich, to separate it from the fat-free chips and salted almonds that completed my order. Um ... no. And just an hour ago at Zallie's Shop Rite ( again ) the cashier asked me if I wanted "all this in one bag." The all this included a bag of bird seed, box of cereal and bottle of Red Yeast Rice tablets. Yeah, I think one bag can handle all that. My reply: "I prefer it." Too many boxes and too many plastic bags. My hands work just fine.

When I was married, my wife would often complain about my penchant for watching television. While she viewed it as a boring past time, I saw it as a learning experience. I told her I don't watch television the way most people do. Every so often I get the chance to explain that concept: I was watching a My Name is Earl episode called "Cost Dad an Election" on CW Philly tonight and noticed something strange. During the episode, there is a wide shot that shows the sky. In the background was a Wawa billboard, which I found odd. Wawa is too regional a brand to show up in a Hollywood-produced show, so what's with the billboard? Since I have the DVD, I popped it in and voilà , no billboard. CW Philly had it added in. The photo shows the DVD version, with the blank sky. I wish I had the presence of mind to rewind the show while I had it on, but take my word for it, there was a Wawa sign back there. And then I heard that the episode was sponsored by Wawa, so the shameless t...

The biggest scam in the history of retail has to be laundry detergent. [I know what you're thinking: "My God, he's been through every conceivable subject, and now he's onto laundry detergent - hand me the remote."] Is there an Internet remote? Seriously (yes) I'm in the grocery store tonight, perusing my choices of detergent which, by the way, mostly have only one syllable [explain] when I notice that there is a wide swing of price from one product to another. I could have purchased the $7.49 container that promised to get my clothes clean, but instead purchased the $2.49 container which promised the identical thing. Is there enough of a difference from one product to another to justify a 332% difference in price? Methinks there is not, hence the scam. Clean clothes are a priority in my life, but if I wanted to spend eight bucks, I'd just as soon take them to the dry cleaners and save the water. Maybe that's the trick? After all, I'm not deali...

Overheard at the Wawa earlier this evening, while waiting for my sandwich: A kid was ordering a sandwich for her too-hip-to-order-it-himself boyfriend (complete with knit skull cap and pants around his hips), when she stopped in mid-order to ask him if regular pickles were OK, because they didn't have "summer pickles". Why did she think they would have summer pickles in January? I can't imagine being so picky about pickles that it would matter, but the kid seemed to be pondering the question, when the sandwich artist behind the counter told her that "the pickles are all the same". Whew! A narrow escape. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm getting a lot of Google searches from my Michelle Manhart post the other day, along with the usual Britney Spears up-skirt no-panties and our old pal Cecily Tynan. I also got a page hit from a search for "2006 salary and compensation for Zoe Cruz". Looks like somebody...