I don't understand about diamonds and why men buy them. What's so impressive about a diamond, except the mining? - Fiona Apple, "Red Red Red"
Thanks, Fiona. Here are a few things that I don't understand:
UNTIED SHOES - The creative people at Nike and Reebok spend millions on research to figure out exactly how a shoe should fit, and a lot of people run around with the laces undone. A hundred dollars for shoes you aren't going to tie seems to me to be a waste of good technology.
PENNIES - C'mon with the pennies, already. Haven't we advanced far enough as a civilization that we can figure out how to price things so that we don't need pennies?
THE NINE-TENTHS AT THE END OF THE GASOLINE PRICE - Ditto. Try this: Stop by your local gasoline emporium and ask for a gallon. See how much it costs and try to get your one-tenth of a cent change.
TELEMARKETERS - I guess, if people weren't buying things from them, they wouldn't exist. But I have a hard time believing that you could sell something to someone with a cold call on the telephone.
MONEY CLIPS - Buy a wallet.
EXPENSIVE DRINKS - Eight dollars for a cocktail at The House of Blues in Atlantic City. Two of them and I could buy a whole bottle and mix it myself. They should hold AA meetings in there.
PANIC WHEN IT SNOWS - Here in New Jersey, an inch of snow is greeted with frenzied reports on local news and rushes of consumers to the local supermarkets for bread, milk and eggs. Apparently, snow makes people crave French Toast.
THE BALDY-BEARD LOOK - There are way too many guys running around with the shaved head and full beard. Either shave or don't.
THE COUPONS - Just lower the price and make all of our lives easier.
THE PANTS AROUND THE ASS - There are way too many guys running around with their pants around their asses. Pull up your pants and act like a grown-up. Nobody wants to see your underwear.
THE SHIRT DOWN TO THE KNEES - Buy a shirt that fits.
THE CAR STEREO BROADCAST - I don't need to hear Jay-Z at Space Shuttle lift-off volume rolling through my neighborhood. Keep your stupid music to yourself.
THE HEADPHONES IN PUBLIC - I think it says, 'leave me alone', which I can understand, but I'd like to tell them to tie their shoes, hitch up their pants and shave, but they can't hear me.
I also don't understand expensive handbags, but that's another story ...