My Sick Mind

Today , unlike yesterday, is Groundhog Day . To anyone outside the civilized world, it's virtually meaningless. However, to high-thinking, industrialized, technologically competent Americans, it's a veritable scientific festival. And why wouldn't it be? It's a large rodent predicting the weather. Substantially more accurate than the powerful weather gizmos that TV stations tell us are accurate. Who needs Doppeler radar when we have a whistlepig - a rodent of the family Sciuridae , belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots . It beats the Hell out of Hurricane Schwartz or that Bolaris guy. Today , the large ground squirrel in Pennsylvania said we were going to have six more weeks of winter because he didn't see his shadow, which, every scientist knows, is like a barometric reading in the kiester. I'm not sure what it all means, since it's 50 degrees in Philadelphia today and will be again tomorrow. Tuesday, it's going to 62. We ha...

It dawned on me , after 250-something page hits today, that I should have written something about The Wing Bowl, Philadelphia's annual Slob Festival. However, I ascribe to the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." But that was yesterday. Most (almost all) of the "unique visitors" linked to the essay I wrote last year about Wing Bowl 15, titled "Food as Sport". I didn't write about Wing Bowl 16 because everything I said last year still applies, plus one. I didn't get one hit from yesterday's Super Bowl post. That's me, always picking the wrong bowl. Although they keep promising that each one is "the last one", the gang at WIP's morning show put on another Wing Bowl today. It's such nonsense, that on Thursday night I patrolled the house changing my radios to WXPN so that my alarm wouldn't wake me to the screaming nonsense as it has the previous 15 years. There's noth...

Super Bowl. There, I said it. I didn't say "The Big Game" or whatever other pseudonym they make advertisers use. The NFL has copyrighted Super Bowl and Super Sunday, just so you know. You might accidentally ask someone what they're doing for "Super Bowl Sunday" (which may be two violations) and that person might be working for the NFL (also copyrighted) and sue your ass for ... something. I don't know. There are plenty of ads for stuff to do on Sunday. I think you're still allowed to call it Sunday, unless the Catholics have copyrighted that one. They have to disguise it as The Big Game or The Big Day - something big, that's for sure. They like to use the Roman numerals too. It looks manly I guess. I think the one I'm using has too many letters. It won't fit on a hat or T-shirt. I can't wait for Super Bowl L. That just won't look right, but hey, they made their bed. In case you're keeping track, Super Bowl L will be in MMXV...

I'm a little sad today. OK, maybe a lot sad, but for now, I think a little will suffice. Perhaps it doesn't equate on the level of a great disaster or a major event in the history of America, but it makes me a little sad. Mostly , it makes me sad because I'm a cynic, and I'm pretty sure of two things. 1 - That the romanticism that has been attributed to Barack Obama is misplaced and 2 - That the Hillary Clinton campaign is much like a freight train that can only be stopped by someone placing themselves directly in the tracks. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that John Edwards was some sort of savior to the nation or the perfect political candidate, but I will sit here and tell you that it's symptomatic of the political system in America that Edwards had to drop out of the race today, mostly because a major event is coming up on Tuesday, and the Democrats need to plow the road (or, in Edwards' words, "so that history can blaze its path") a...

They already know it's going to be 128 pages. They know it's being published on February 11, 2008. They even have an ISBN number. What surprises me is that they don't have a cover yet. C'mon, gang; get it together! For the conspiracy theorists among us, here it is: 19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots by The Boston Globe (Author) Available for pre-order now on Amazon.com. $14.95 plus shipping. Really. Click here and get yours today. Gift wrap available.

He's giving the State of the Union Address tonight. Do I want to watch? "I'd rather stick needles in my eyes." - Garrett Breedlove ("Terms of Endearment") The snow has melted but it's still cold. The stars are out and the trees are aglow in artificial light. So, what is there to do? Let's do some star gazing. The photo above is looking to the south. Can you find Orion's belt? Sirius, the dog star? Canis Major? Check the chart below. That's Lepus, right above the glowing tree. See. You learned something. Say Betelgeuse three times and see what happens.

Imagine my surprise. They held the Miss America pageant at some point over the weekend. Was it on TV? Maybe it was on that Country Music Channel? I only know because I happened to stumble across an article on page A8 of the local newspaper. I remember a time when the result was front page news, with a big color photo. Now, there's barely a blurb and I couldn't tell you the name of the winner, except that I think she is from Michigan. The times are changing for the better. Maybe next year I can write that they skipped the stupid thing altogether. Meanwhile , some men are figure skating in Minnesota tonight. Men figure skating. Any competition that involves the words "men" and "choreography" are great reasons to tune away. I watched long enough for the commentator (a woman) to spout something about the next skater doing a "Quad jump", and how he nailed it in practice, so we'd better be sure to watch carefully. He fell on his skinny ass. Next. Th...