My Sick Mind

Remember that crazy, hairbrained scheme that the idiot son of our 41st President cooked up a couple of years ago to privatize the Social Security system and allow us to invest in the stock market to "bolster our savings?" How would that have worked-out for us, do ya think? With Manny Ramirez being the latest superstar baseball player to fail a drug test, that puts about 10 of the most prominent big-leaguers of the past 10 years on the list of players that have either failed or are suspected to have taken drugs. The list includes Roger Clemens, Rafael Palmiero, Alex Rodriguez and Barry Bonds. Popular opinion says that they shouldn't be inducted into the Hall of Fame because they "cheated." Well, if so many great players have cheated, and we aren't supposed to let them in, who does that leave the writers to vote for? I'm guessing that, in five years the Hall will be filled with players like Melvin Mora and Jamie Moyer. Who? Exactly. Supermarkets across A...

Imagine m y surprise. At regular intervals, at my office, we receive a packet of post cards for products that we are supposed to try, order or otherwise exami ne. Generally, I throw the packet in the trash, since I have neither purchasing authority nor interest. Today's packet, however, caught my gaze. BIG ASS FANS it proclaimed - right there on the top of the pile. A marketing tool, I suppose, to get me to open the packet. While I am not necessarily a fan of the big ass, I feel that each ass has its own charm and appeal. It depends upon the torso on which it sits (figuratively speaking) and should be judged on its own merit. One man's big ass i s another man's exquisite derrière. Upon further review, I found that the fans in question were not the noun, but the transitive verb. The third-person singular simple present fan. Like the one that blows air on you, or your big ass. Was that the point? Fans made for those with the big ass? No, dumbass. It seems that Occam's R...