My Sick Mind

The biggest scam in the history of retail has to be laundry detergent. [I know what you're thinking: "My God, he's been through every conceivable subject, and now he's onto laundry detergent - hand me the remote."] Is there an Internet remote? Seriously (yes) I'm in the grocery store tonight, perusing my choices of detergent which, by the way, mostly have only one syllable [explain] when I notice that there is a wide swing of price from one product to another. I could have purchased the $7.49 container that promised to get my clothes clean, but instead purchased the $2.49 container which promised the identical thing. Is there enough of a difference from one product to another to justify a 332% difference in price? Methinks there is not, hence the scam. Clean clothes are a priority in my life, but if I wanted to spend eight bucks, I'd just as soon take them to the dry cleaners and save the water. Maybe that's the trick? After all, I'm not deali...

JERRY: Hey, I've been trying to jam stuff in the box like you told me, but sometimes it says, like, "Photographs - Do not bend". NEWMAN: (Sarcastically) Do not bend! (Laughs evilly) Just crease, crumple, cram ... you'll do fine . Sometimes when I go shopping, I forget my canvas bags, and you know how much I love my canvas bags. In those instances, I am forced to use the ... plastic. The cashier wants to use two, but I refuse, (pun) instead choosing to cram all of my items into one measly bag. She quizzed me on my distaste for waste: ME: I forgot my canvas, and I can't stand these things. Don't get me started. CASHIER: Go ahead, start. ME: It won't be pretty, I assure you. It gets under my skin to see people wandering out of here with a cart-full of these bags. CASHIER: I don't like them either, but people recycle them. ME: They do? CASHIER: Yes, there's a container outside and it's always full. (ME THINKING: Maybe that's because th...

Today's bucolic family scene comes courtesy of the local supermarket: A father with his two sons in tow - dad clueless, babbling on his cell phone - one hand on the cart the other hand holding the phone. Son number one (8 years old?) playing with his own cell phone while son number two (younger) admiringly watches, knowing his day with his own $100 a month play toy is coming. My question: Why does a grade-school kid need a cell phone - with a QWERTY keyboard no less? He probably can't even spell Qwerty. I'm sure it's mom and/or dad taking advantage of some "family plan" offered by the phone company, but really ... It's pretty much all I see anymore. Teenagers (and now, kids) and adults fiddling with phones in public. I wonder to whom they're talking. I see drivers leaving their driveways talking on the phone. Couldn't you have called them before you left ? We must have had this insatiable desire to talk on the phone that was unsatisfied before t...

That's a common Garden Cat. Mine, actually. He enjoys an early evening amongst the downstairs flowers, and at this point in his life, who could deny him that simple pleasure? Tonight , the TV will be warm. The Phillies are still "in the hunt" as they say, a game behind the struggling Mets with four to play. They're facing future Hall of Famer John Smoltz, so it won't be easy. Then, at 8 - of course - it's two hours of high-level comedy that will make me switch off the game. Hey, they play baseball every night. On the blog front , I had given up on our local Inquirer one, called blinq , after its author Daniel Rubin declared it dead several months ago. He went all brick and mortar on us, taking a regular columnist job at the paper. Imagine my surprise when a simple e-mail exchange gave me the clue that blinq is back in business. Stop by for some local flavor, interesting perspective, good writing and even [egad] entertainment. You might even see my name menti...