My Sick Mind

Paula is 5 shots down going into the final round in Alabama today. Maybe it's me (it probably is) but I don't get this whole Borat thing. I understand that it's hip to do comedy that makes people look like jackasses - and even name the TV shows and movies such - but really, if this is the most creative thing we as a society can conjure, maybe it's time to go back to scrawling on the cave wall. Of course, owing to my credo of not seeing movies alone, I haven't seen this one. However, I will quote Tom Smothers, who once said, "I'm an American - I don't have to see something to know it's stupid." Earlier this week, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb introduced his new clothing line, called Super Five . That's OK, I guess, but during the news conferences that preceeded it, he said that the reason he was doing it was to "look out for his future" and take care of his family. The guy is in the middle of a 12-year contract that pays ...

A little known subset to the immensely popular Thursday Thirteen, I present the Saturday Six. Six Things That Control Your World, Over Which You Have No Influence 1. Big Oil - No kidding. Did you put gas in your car this summer? Since then, the price has dropped about a dollar a gallon and I haven't heard about any big new discoveries or any wide-scale drilling projects. Price manipulation. Ya think? Besides, so many things are made from petroleum , that to escape its influence would mean living in a cave - which would eliminate #2 and #3... 2. Television - Playoff and big-time sports start at ridiculous hours for those of us here in the Eastern time zone, advertising is invasive, we are persuaded to buy products we do not want or need and the cost of cable is outrageous. For those of us in restricted environments (condominiumns) who are stuck with either cable or rabbit ears, what else are we to do? 3. Microsoft - I'm trying to use my computer, but I cannot, because I have th...

Thirteen Cool Things About Lawrence, Kansas 1. Google Earth has a default position when started up that is centered exactly on the town of Lawrence (specifically, on an apartment building lying between Compton Square and Regency Place). This may be verified by running the software and zooming in from the default start position without rotating the virtual globe at all. This location was set by Brian McClendon, a 1986 graduate of the University of Kansas and now a director of engineering at Google . 2. In the 1983 TV movie The Day After , Lawrence was ravaged by fallout from detonations of nearby Soviet nuclear bombs, including one which destroyed Kansas City, Missouri . 3. Lawrence was also destroyed in the 2006 TV Series Jericho . Editor's note: TV hates Lawrence, Kansas. 4. There are three separate tunnel systems underneath Massachusetts Street, as well as an extensive steam-tunnel network underneath the University of Kansas , which includes tunnels designed as nuclear attack s...

BRIDGETOWN, Barbados (AP) -- Ravenous giant snails that emerge from the ground by night are thriving on the tropical island of Barbados, destroying crops and prompting calls for the government to eliminate them. This is officially "The World's Slowest Invasion". Easiest job in Barbados: Catch the snails. I think we may have found something for Donald Rumsfeld to do.

Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) (L), expected to be elected Speaker of the House in the aftermath of the midterm elections, shares a laugh with Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid (D-NV) on Capitol Hill the day after Democrats took control of the House for the first time in 12 years, in Washington November 8, 2006.

In January, Nancy Pelosi will become the first female Speaker in the history of the Congress. She would also be third in line to the presidency, after President Bush and Vice President Cheney. She even has her own YouTube channel . It's raining like Hell today in New Jersey, but the sun is shining somewhere. I think it's in California.

WASHINGTON - Federal poll watchers will be in 22 states Tuesday, safeguarding against fraud or discrimination in election districts marked by tight races, large numbers of minority voters and faulty ballot machines. Justice Department monitors and observers are being assigned to Cuyahoga County, Ohio, which has been dogged by problems with computerized touch-screen voting machines. They will be in Bergen County, N.J., a must-win prize for both candidates in the state's Senate race. And they will watching more than a dozen counties nationwide where polls are on American Indian reservations and in big cities dominated by black voters. In all, the Justice Department is sending an estimated 850 poll watchers to 69 cities and counties - what officials on Monday called an unprecedented number, and twice as many during the 2002 congressional midterm elections. I'm not sure if I should feel good about the Justice Department doing this, or ashamed that they have to. I'l...