Me, me, me. Look at me!

I can't listen to Aerosmith anymore. I bought their first album in 1974 and I think it's still one of the best records of the era - and ever, maybe - but now? Steven Tyler is a judge on American Idol, for Chrissakes. What has happened to the world? How can I listen to "Mama Kin" now without thinking of that stupid TV show? Overdose on drugs and fall of a stage, but don't sell-out to that garbage TV, Steven.

There's a new show on The Learning Channel tonight called My Strange Addiction. What's it about? Glad you asked. The first episode at 9:00 highlights a woman who has been eating couch cushions for 20 years. The second episode profiles a tanning addict who visits tanning beds up to three times a day and a 44-year old woman who has been eating household cleanser every day since she was 12. What am I supposed to be learning on this channel? I'll watch, but I may not be able to sit on my sofa or clean my sink again. This is the same channel that brings you the Duggars (and their 18 kids) Cake Boss and Police Women of Cincinnati. No wonder people call television a wasteland.

Then, there's that jackass Glenn Beck, who had this to say about my favorite city (and birthplace): The area around Independence Hall are "the killing streets" and said that the city is "not a place you want to be." True, Glenn. We don't want you here. The thing I can't figure out is how people like Beck have a listening audience, let alone grab attention for the crap that comes out of their mouths. To put yourself in Beck's place (egad) check out these photos and imagine the killing that must go on around here. I feel lucky to have escaped alive.

It's all part of the 24/7 media that requires non-stop attention. If you aren't whoring yourself to the Gods of marketing you aren't doing your job. The more outrageous or ridiculous you can make yourself look, the better you'll do in the all-important ratings system that defines popularity.

Sadly, there is no shortage of people who either need an income or have no self-respect that are willing and able to make asses of themselves in order to feed the beast. It's a bigger shame that Americans are more than willing to eat it.

What is the last award you received?

Certain things in life fascinate me. Like the Miss America pageant. Awards shows fascinate me.

Either it's something like the Academy Awards or the Emmy Awards, where (basically) what happens is that the people involved vote for themselves and their co-workers, which I lovingly refer to as "Hollywood Pats Itself on the Back."

The other night, The Golden Globe Awards were given out, which we are led to believe are voted on by the Hollywood foreign press, whatever that is.

The thing that fascinates me about awards is twofold. First, when competitive athletes are given awards, like a Most Valuable Player award, I wonder why it's so important, since they keep score in games and we already know who the winner is. What's the point of giving out an award in an endeavor where there are already declared winners and losers? Why keep score, otherwise?

It seems as though the more attention one gets, the more awards are given out for the job. Athletes, actors, performers and writers get awards regularly. How many janitors, bus drivers or so-called "regular people" get awards for the jobs they do? Not only do they earn crap wages, but they don't get appreciated outside their place of employment.

In the entertainment industry, the big prize is the amount of money that one earns from the work. Actors, directors and producers all earn large amounts of money, and it seems very important to them to also be given a statue or some sort of prize for being good at something that the general public has already awarded them money for being good. Popular actors are awarded by making money from their work because the public likes them. It's also (apparently) important to them to be given an award to verify that people think they're great.

That's an odd way for people to act (pun) who already are saying "hey, look at me!" by doing the job they're doing. I suppose it's partly their tremendous ego that demands more attention and partly their insecurity over whether they're really any good at what they do that motivates them to be so excited about someone telling them that they're good.

I suppose it's true that sometimes, money isn't everything.

Saturday night in America

Good news for pedophiles. Mainstream America is officially sanctioning under aged girls as objects of beauty, which can be translated as objects [period].

Under almost every one's radar (because it's almost irrelevant) a 17-year old was crowned Miss America last night. Not only did it occur in a big-time beauty pageant (and not one of those crazy "Little Miss Sunshine" kids' pageants) but it occurred on national television - the measuring stick for everything that is [quote] normal [unquote] in America.

Ironically (can you see the irony?) little Teresa Scanlan said that she "wants to stand up for integrity and honesty." OK, go ahead.

You didn't see it? Probably not, and you're excused without a doctor's note or death certificate. I didn't see it either, but like a tree falling in a forest, that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

The song, once sung yearly by Bert Parks, pronounces her to be "your ideal" as Miss America. I'm sure Bernie Wayne didn't have a high school girl in mind when he wrote the song about "her all-America face and form," but there she is.

Your ideal. I find it to be a little creepy, but maybe it's the pageant's way of making itself relevant, since being in the news is the best form of [free] advertising. Since nobody watches the program - or relatively nobody, as in 6.25 million people - maybe the best way to get that fringe audience to tune in is to put a kid in charge? Imagine how beautiful she'll be once her breasts stop growing.

She might be my ideal, but I'd be writing this from prison if I followed through on the impulse.