My Sick Mind

Paula Creamer is going into Sunday's final round with a six-stroke lead, which is nice, since I live in the Philadelphia market and there isn't any football to watch on Sunday. The Eagles are playing, but there isn't any football to watch. Almost as good as that is the fact that I've found a box of my old Matchbox cars that will soon find a home on Ebola . It would be better if I had the boxes, but the cars are still in great shape. I'd get more for them if I had the boxes, but I can't do anything about that. Who saves the boxes? Yesterday , Suzann Pettersen was penalized two strokes because the TV cameras caught her accidentally moving her ball to avoid an obstruction. From her angle, she couldn't see the ball move, but the camera caught it. After the round, LPGA officials watched the video replay and assessed the penalty. Just like those Funniest Home Videos where somebody's pants fall down at a wedding reception - twenty years ago, maybe ten peopl...

I hear tell that one way to make money on the Internet is through something called Domain Flipping. What is Domain Flipping, you ask? As with tangible real estate, you can buy virtual plots (URL addresses), flip them and make a buck. GoDaddy.com sells unused domain names for under $10 apiece. To attract buyers, run tests to determine how often certain key words are searched so that you can demonstrate the likelihood that your URL will show up in a Google or Yahoo! search . Jumping Jesus , if I had a nickel for every stupid Jaime Pressly search that ended up here or some Paula Creamer jackass looking for "hairy arms" photos or whatever other demented fetish dream they had, I wouldn't have to work anymore. And how I missed out on that whole Alycia Lane fiasco is beyond me. I didn't make a nickel off it, and I'm pissed. Speaking of which: That's right America , they're still playing golf . In Alabama , of all places. And Paula's wiping the floor with th...

Who indeed? This morning, my faithful furry friend, keenly aware that I had overslept, lept on the bed and pushed his furry face into mine, waking me from a sound, yet ill-timed sleepover and keeping me from being both late for work and well rested. Thanks buddy. Sadly, that was the most exciting thing that has happened to me over the past few days. The Ebola business continues to hum along. So much so that I think I need a little break. I've never been to Staples so much in my life. Mostly, the Paypal thing works fairly well, although the associated fees are a bitch. Ebola takes their cut, then hits you on the back end with what they call an "added value fee" or something. Then, Paypal takes a cut for allowing buyers to send me "money" via the air. I try not to pay too much attention to all the fees, since mostly, I'm ahead on the deal because I'm ridding myself of mostly useless clutter and redistributing it to other parts of the world, including A...

Philadelphia has a new mayor . He’s Michael Nutter, whose surname should open up a Pandora’s Box of wordplay if he turns out to be a loser. He’s a Democrat, which means that in order to be elected, all he really had to do was put his name on the ballot. Mother Teresa could run Republican against Adolph Hitler and they’d still have a race on their hands. As expected , the turnout was dismal. He was elected by 85 percent of the 30 percent of registered voters who voted. They call it a landslide, but in a city with 1.5 million people, the 225,000 votes that Nutter got don’t really amount to much. On the other hand, as a Democrat, he really didn't need much. As of May 2007, there are 993,334 registered voters in Philadelphia. Democrat: 750,829 (75.6%) Republican: 150,450 (15.2%) Other parties: 92,055 (9.2%) As you can see, the only way a Democrat could lose the election in Philadelphia … well, a Democrat really couldn’t lose an election, which is why I’m in a "wait and see" ...

I'm feeling a little strange . Not the normal kind of strange, that strange I feel when I think I'm about to be sick, but for whatever reason I'm staving it off just enough to make me feel rotten. You know what I mean. That dull headache that I can't quite pinpoint. The little sinus thing that feels just tight enough to be annoying. I'm a little tired, but not so much that I want to lie down. My throat is a little scratchy, but not sore. My ears are red. Red ears. I would take my temperature but I broke my thermometer last winter. I'm feeling a little warm. My neck hurts. I'm gonna punch this up and go to bed. Sleep always works, and part of the reason I'm not feeling right is because I haven't been sleeping well lately. You know what I mean. I feel tired , but when I go to bed I just roll around. I'll get up a couple of times, and it feels like I'm not sleeping at all, even though the time passes. At around 3:30 I'm wide awake, but it...

If you're reading this on Tuesday, today is Election Day. If you're up late reading it on Monday night, tomorrow is Election Day. If you missed it, and you're reading this on Wednesday, skip ahead to the exciting conclusion. For now, here's a little blurb that appeared on Yahoo News Monday night: WASHINGTON - Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul, aided by an extraordinary outpouring of Internet support Monday, hauled in more than $3.5 million in 20 hours . Then , there's this : Freed from the constraints, the presidential candidates collected $377.5 million in donations through September 30, more than double the $176.1 million raised during the same period four years ago, Federal Election Commission figures show. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama each raised around $79 million . In Pennsylvania , judges are elected and not immune to a spending spree : Democratic high court candidate Seamus McCaffrey, also a state Superior Court judge, spent nearly $600,000 of...

Sunday was a big football day here in America. It's all designed to keep us glued to the TV for hours at a time so the networks can promote their upcoming shows. Of course, there are always the actual paid commercials to keep us entertained. One, for Bristol Myers-Squibb proclaimed, "Together we can prevail." That's supposed to make us feel like the drug companies are looking out for us. Us and them. We're together, as in Bristol Myers and Squibb . You, however, are an afterthought, and not included unless you want to be used as a pin cushion for the drug industry. Then, you're together. And, prevail against what , exactly? Made up diseases and bothersome minor ailments that you could live with, but with the aid of drugs, you won't be bothered with pesky trips to the rest room, dull aches in your fingers or the remote possibility that an erection could last longer than four hours. During the Chargers/Vikings game, we actually watched a clock run for 39...