My Sick Mind

Subway is running ads now , telling us that it's 12 years since Jared went on that sandwich diet and lost 245 pounds. All of their celebrity pitchmen (and women) are seen congratulating him on losing the weight and keeping it off. Good for you, buddy! Don't lose that big endoresement deal, fat ass! It's amazing to me that this kid parlayed a Subway menu into a career. I'm assuming that representing Subway is his only job. It's one of those minor scams - you know the kind - the ones that are good on their surface, but in you heart (and mind) you know it's bullshit. I could probably lose a hundred pounds eating ice cream, if I only ate 16 ounces a day, drank water and bicycled 50 miles, and nothing else. By the way, on their web site, Subway officially turns their back on Jared and his methods, in fine print: * Individuals lost weight by exercising and eating a balanced, reduced-calorie diet that included SUBWAY ® sandwiches with 6 grams of fat or less. Their r...

The Quiznos post from Thursday immediately got funnier once I realized that someone from corporate in Denver read it. What started as a mundane essay based on the back of a sandwich receipt became hysterical to me. Those kinds of things are funnier from 1,750 miles away. From the gist of their web site, the company appears to have a sense of humor. Let's hope so, since I put the CEO in the position of awarding the weekly $1000 survey prize to his nephew as a birthday gift. Pretty funny, eh? Sure. Oh, and ... my Phillies are playing the Rockies this weekend at Coors Field. Don't be a Scrooge and screw up our 10,000th loss by making it happen in Colorado. They need two more, and it's a three-game series. Do the math. C'mon, give us a little enjoyment. They come home after the All-Star break and I have a ticket for next Friday's home game against the Cardinals and I want to be a part of history, so let the Phils win 2 of 3 so they can make the magic number her...

I may have already won some money. Quiznos will probably be pulling my name from their sandwich-shaped hat and sending me the thousand-dollar weekly prize for filling out their on-line customer survey today. Either that or they were merely using me for information. I should know by the end of the week. I promise that the money will go to my head and I will change completely based on the sudden influx of riches. I do enjoy a good survey, but I don’t want to spend too much time with it. This one took less time than it takes to make a sandwich, so I persevered. I had to choose between answers of “Strongly Agree”, “Agree,” “Neither Agree nor Disagree,” “Disagree” and “Strongly Disagree.” I had trouble determining whether I could strongly agree with anything that had to do with buying a sandwich for lunch. “Was your sandwich the right temperature?” they asked. I strongly agree. It was “room.” They asked if I liked being able to watch my sandwich being made. Did I have a choice? No, I di...