My Sick Mind

I have to go to a wedding today. That's what people say about weddings - "I have to go..." Nobody says, "I want to go." It's an obligation, and I can think of a hundred different things I'd rather do ... no, wait ... a hundred and fifty different things I'd rather do than this. First, it's going to be 81 degrees and society says that men have to wear a jacket. I don't know about you (men) but I don't think, if you were out on an 80-degree day, you'd be wearing a jacket. So, we'll see how that goes. So, entertain yourself with a little clip of a favorite comedian of mine, Mike Birbiglia . Mike has Google alerts, so lets see if he stops by. I'll be back tomorrow.

I’m starting to pay attention to the presidential race. Good idea, right? Since I’ve already voted in the primary, and there’s a big button on the sidebar, it’s pretty clear whom I support. However, much like the 2004 election, my first choice Democrat is already out of the race, and I guess I’m fortunate that choices 2 and 3 are still fighting it out, and it’s looking like the eventual winner will be the guy with … well, the guy . However, I’m still not above being critical of the situation and I’ll always look at things with one eye slightly closed and the other eyebrow up. It’s the best way to view politics, because I’m never quite sure exactly what their motivation is or why they say the things they say. For instance, Barack Obama is basing his campaign on changing the country. While that’s a noble ideal, it’s a little far-fetched. One ad is telling parents to “turn off the TV, open a book and get involved in your kids' education.” Sure. First, he’s trying to change behavi...

WASHINGTON - Pope Benedict XVI told America's Roman Catholic leaders Wednesday evening that the clergy sex abuse scandal has sometimes been "very badly handled," his harshest criticism yet regarding the crisis that has badly damaged the U.S. church. On his flight from Rome, the pope said he was deeply ashamed of the scandal and would fight to keep pedophiles out of the priesthood . Good luck, Pope. You can't keep pedophiles out of the fast food industry, professional sports or politics. Why? Because they're everywhere, and if you think that you can magically (sorry, it's not magic, it's the power of God) eliminate an entire demented segment of the population from one particular profession, you've got another think coming. So, the Pope took off the gloves and used "very badly handled" as the way he chose to communicate a most fouled-up segment of his little Papedom called the Catholic Church. That's harsh language coming from a guy w...

I had to do something today that I haven't done in a while - buy a pair of dress pants. I have a wedding to attend on Saturday. It's the wedding for the guy we took to New York and Philly two weeks ago . I went to a lot of weddings when I was younger. As we age, we find ourselves attending more funerals than weddings. And since I've had the same job for the past 15 years, and don't get out much, I haven't had an opportunity to trot out the sport coat in quite some time. Like most of my clothes, it still fits. I'm kind of proud of that. Whenever I shop for pants, I'm surprised at the availability of the 40W 30L pants on the rack. There was literally one pair of Calvin Klein black dress pants in my size, which is significantly different than 40 x 30. Lucky for me they fit and they were less than fifty bucks. No outfit is complete without a nice necktie. Most of mine have cartoon characters on them, so I felt it might be necessary to find one that wouldn...

Hank Deerfield : Do you know what it means when a flag flies upside down? School Janitor : No. Hank Deerfield : It's an international distress signal. School Janitor : No shit? Hank Deerfield : No Shit! It means we're in a whole lot of trouble so come save our asses 'cause we ain't got a prayer in Hell of saving it ourselves. School Janitor : It says alot. Hank Deerfield : Yes, it does. We might be in a whole lot of trouble, and if you see this film you might think we're in a whole Hell of a lot more. Writer/Director Paul Haggis (who wrote the screenplays for "Flags of Our Fathers" and "Letters from Iwo Jima") takes us on a twisting journey of conflict between the police and the military and the conflict of a father who may find out more about his son than he wanted to know. There are no political statements, no lectures about our role in Iraq and no glorified ads for life in the military. What there is a lot of is hard truth. I suppose the ...

Jerry : The New York Yankees? George : The New York Yankees! Jerry : Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle ... Costanza ? George : I'm the assistant to the traveling secretary. I'm going on the road trips with them! I'll be on the plane ... I'm working in Yankee Stadium! This is a dream. I'm busting, Jerry, I'm busting! Jerry : I can't believe it. Bobby Jones, Nicklaus, Snead, Woods … Immelman ? I can't believe it either. Trevor Immelman placed his name alongside the greats of the game and donned that hideous green jacket after winning The Masters on Sunday. I like watching golf, but I can’t help but feel like it’s an elitist sport. Scan the leaderboard and you’ll see names like Brandt Sneddiker, Padraig Harrington, Arron Oberholser, Heath Slocum, Aaron Baddeley, Charles Howell III, Trip Kuehne and Davis Love III. Who names a kid Trip, Brandt or Padraig? You know who, and they don’t know you. I know it isn’t everybody , and it isn’t as bad as it was, but I’m s...

OK, so the pressure is off. I've filed my income taxes. I guess I'm supposed to be relieved, but I find myself feeling like I've been put through undue stress. Mostly because I feel like the federal income tax system is a burden on people - regular people, not people - and needs to be abolished . Why is it that the most feared day on the calendar is April 15? It's feared because we are told that if we don't have our taxes filed by then, our lives are in danger and the giant Internal Revenue Service will come crashing down on our lives like that big Monty Python foot. Get your taxes done. It's such a big deal that the local news stations will have people lurking at the big post offices on Tuesday night letting us in on the big rush to the mail box so that we get our returns in before the federal government fines us for being late. It's a billion-dollar a year business. I use Turbo Tax, but many people use the strip-mall tax preparers and pay for the insta...

I took in a Phillies game on Saturday night. Me and my trusty camera with that goofy lens. When I go by myself, I tend to wander. Our ballpark is built in such a way that you can see the game from virtually anyplace in the building. Sometimes the seat you get isn't as good as a standing spot you can find. That wasn't necessarily the case last night, but I still like to wander. Generally, the most interesting things can be found in an area called Ashburn Alley. That's where all the good food concessions are and it's where people with really bad seats go to mingle and be close to where the beer is. Upstairs is a place called the Rooftop. There really isn't a roof. It's just a place that they put up some bleachers and tried to emulate Chicago's Wrigley Field, who, by the way, hates the rooftop seats and charges the local homeowners a fee to allow people to sit on their roof and watch the game. One of the odd little fan groups we have is called Howard's H...