Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Look out America, here come the Chinese!

"Too many people have to get out of work to try to get to this game."
- Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell on Tuesday's re-scheduled Eagles game, apparently forgetting about the logistical circumstances surrounding "Monday Night Football"
Meanwhile, I'm waiting for the hordes of Chinese, who are ready to take over our snowbound country after we wussed-out and postponed a football game on Sunday. What I'd like to know is what the Chinese even know about American football. If we told them we were postponing a game because a foot of snow was falling on the stadium, I'd guess they would say, "OK."
"What do you think Lombardi would say?" he asked. I'd guess that Lombardi would say, "What the fuck is a governor doing on an Eagles post-game show?" Ed doesn't have the proper historical perspective on what Vince Lombardi would say about the current state of American football.
So, I'm ready for the Chinese. Once they finish playing that weird game of checkers on that circular board, I figure they're only a few minutes away - like Zaberer's - if you know what that means.
Those Chinese must be ready to pounce, if the governor is any indication of what's going on in the world -- and who is a better indication of world sociology than the governor of a moderately small American commonwealth? Nobody, right?
Here's a clue, Ed. Knock off the comb-over. It's so 80's. Just go with the balding look. And stop staring at the camera. It knows where you are, you don't need to keep looking at it.
Mostly, we're tired of hearing Ed talk. He talks and talks. He talks after Eagles games, on the Comcast Eagles Post-game Show. He is one of four panelists, including former Super Bowl champion Vaughn Hebron, Hall of Fame writer Ray Didinger and host Michael Barkann. The governor is a fan who happens to preside over a state who regulates cable television - who programs Comcast, who employs the governor on its post-game show. Strange? You betcha.
Then, he weirdly stares into the camera while he postulates on a game he supposedly watched and makes those of us who watch the post-game show feel strange about ourselves because the governor is staring at us. Nobody told him about television.
But he keeps talking. Supposedly, he's trying to get a big deal with MSNBC or one of those big cable networks once his governor job runs out in a few weeks. It must be tough being a politician or having a job whose term is finite.
You have to think about what you're going to be doing for a living in February, because your wife likes to shop and you'd better be able to pay those Lord & Taylor credit card bills or else your ass will be out on the curb. Ya gotta think.
So, you come up with an opinion that makes the news so that your name is out there and people will want to hear the crap that comes out of your head. Where did I go wrong? I didn't get a big-time political job, that's where.
I suppose Comcast will keep him on the post-game show because he's controversial, and TV loves controversy. My fervent hope is that Ed gets a job with a big-time cable outlet like Fox News, and he starts sparring with Hannity every night and is so tired from arguing that he can't bring himself to limo to the Comcast studio every Sunday night to do that dopey post-game show, where he stares into the camera and makes us feel strange.
Me and the Chinese - hoping against hope. C'mon, hordes. Save us from our wussie selves.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Who are you calling a wuss?

"We've become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China, do you think the Chinese would have called off the game? People would have been marching down to the stadium, they would have walked and they would have been doing calculus on the way down."
- Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell on the postponement of a football game.
Short-timer Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell had some harsh words for the NFL, who saw fit to postpone the Eagles' scheduled Sunday night game against the homeless Vikings. Mayor Nutter, after all, declared a State of Emergency, and one would assume that football fans driving to a game during a snowstorm ... er, blizzard ... constitutes needless travel to at least a few people with whom they may collide. But I digress.
The Gov said that "we have become a nation of wusses" by not playing a game in the snow, wind and cold. I guess he said wusses because he couldn't say we were a bunch of pussies.
Football is seen by football fans as some sort of manly enterprise where you play in all sorts of conditions. Football games aren't cancelled merely because the fans may not be able to safely get to and from the game or they risk hypothermia if they do manage to attend.
It's easy for the Governor to say they should have played. He doesn't drive himself to the games, and he sits in a luxury box with food service and a big TV. It sounds like he ought to sit in the stands with the rest of the wusses. Never mind that SEPTA's Regional Rail system shut down and people were ordered to stay off the roads so that the plow crews could work, and the forecast was for 20 inches of snow. There's a football game to play.
His stupid proclamation was the lead story on ESPN's web site for a while, so now America thinks we have a dopey governor who cares more about some antiquated notion of masculinity instead of the safety of his constituents.
It's funny how some people see discomfort as a sign of toughness, as though sitting in the elements like a moron somehow makes you tougher. Tell that to your boss when you miss a day of work because you can't feel the ends of your fingers. You're entitled to spend $85 for a ticket and $25 to park your car, but if you decide to stay home because you might see $110 as a bad return on your investment, you're a wuss.
I wonder if that philosophy extends to taking an aspirin if you have a headache, wearing a jacket if you're cold, turning the air conditioner on if you're hot or wearing comfortable shoes so your feet don't hurt? Or does it only apply to something as important as football?
You wuss.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Here we go again.

The local news is leading with it. The weather forecasters have woodies in their pants, they're so excited. Local supermarkets are jammed with people stocking up on things that they'll probably never eat.
Why? There is snow on the way.
There is so much snow that the NFL has decided to postpone the Eagles game until Tuesday. My standard answer as to why things like that happen is always either money or television. In this case, it's television. The NFL doesn't want the game to compete with its popular Monday Night Football franchise, so they put the game off until Tuesday. Never mind that the Eagles are fighting for a division title and will have a very short week to face the Cowboys on Sunday afternoon. Television rules.
Philadelphia Mayor Nutter has declared a State of Emergency, even though, at 2:00pm, there is about a half inch of snow on the ground. We trust the weather guessers too much sometimes. One figures that in this case, they are correct, but it still remains to be seen. As for me, I've declared my own State of Emergency, and stopped in one of our satellite offices earlier today and picked up enough work so that I can remain busy in the comfort of my home while the rest of the area shovels and drives around like crazy in what we expect to be over a foot of snow.
I'll have the TV tuned to the local news, who will have several reporters in various areas to show us how bad it is, as if we couldn't look out the window and form our own opinion. Meanwhile, they'll tell us "if you don't have to be out, stay home," as though people will aimlessly drive around in the snow for no reason. I'd guess that the TV news people are among those who do not need to be out, but there they are.
They live for this stuff. Me - not so much.