My Sick Mind

This is two days in a row I've written about baseball. Not on purpose, just because it's the game I know the most about and it's the game that has some of the most ridiculous behavior in sports. It's also a game where unwritten rules are just as important as the ones that are in the rule book. Players all know them and when one of their brethren break them, there is Hell to pay - or at least a hefty fine. One of the unwritten rules is that you're not supposed to steal a base when your team is leading by a substantial margin. What the margin is and when it is determined to be insurmountable, only the people who write the unwritten rule book know. It's a sliding scale. By following that logic, when your team has a big lead, batters should go up and just strike out, since they don't need any more runs. OK. When the Phillies' Jimmy Rollins stole second base on the San Francisco Giants while the Phils were leading by 6 is a flagrant violatio...

As Craig Ferguson would say, "It's a great day for America, everybody!" Why? Because I got my Phillies season tickets in the mail today. For those of you from out of town, the big story here is that the Phillies have assembled four of the best starting pitchers in baseball - Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels - and are expected to breeze through the National League on their way to a fifth straight division title and third World Series appearance in four years. On paper. The reality remains to be seen, and as hyped-up as sports fans are in Philadelphia, the proof (as they say) is in the pudding, and the pudding is still cooking in Florida. After all, who would have said that the Giants would have won the championship last year? That's why they play the games. I'm not the type to get worked up over anything, personal or not, and I try to maintain an even strain, waiting for the results to come in before I get excited over anything. It's a li...

I have been neglectful. I could have been writing about how I found the coverage of Elizabeth Edwards' death a bit excessive. Aside from being the wife of a failed presidential candidate, what did she do with her life? Oh right -- she's the scorned wife of the failed presidential candidate who had cancer, and now finds that her death has a certain ironic-pity quality to it that the media eats for lunch. I could have been writing about yet another hike in DRPA bridge tolls, but that's beating the proverbial dead horse, and is of limited interest to the hundreds of people who access this page from Korea and Japan. I could have been writing about the Phillies' coup of signing scorned lefthander Cliff Lee to reprise his role of 2009. Fans are lauding the guy because he took less money to come to Philadelphia than stay in Texas or move to New York. As if people don't realize why you would take less money to live and play in Philadelphia instead of those two Hell h...

Am I the only person who finds it curious that baseball is the only game where the coach/manager wears a uniform? Football: Hoodie. Hockey & Basketball: Suit. Soccer: ... I don't know, I don't watch soccer, but I bet they aren't wearing shorts and those goofy shirts. I'd like to see a baseball manager in a suit like Connie Mack used to wear, but I'm sure the Gods of Baseball would stop that in its tracks. Baseball is also the only game that is stopped in the middle and not completed if they can't finish it. They should play in the rain like other sports. Even golfers play in the rain to a certain extent. Suck it up, Nancy-boys. I paid $45 for a ticket, $12 to park and $7.25 for a piss-warm draft beer - you can damned well play in the rain. And speaking of baseball ... and I was ... this little ditty over on the YouTube should be taking the Internet by storm soon, so you can say you saw it here first. Just make sure you leave your teeth in while you'r...

It was a beautiful day in Washington, D.C., (our nation's capital) for the season opener between the Phillies and the lowly Nationals. It was a major chore to get to the parking lot. We left New Jersey at around 8:40 and didn't park the car until nearly noon. They don't get many sell-out's in Washington, and the narrow streets and bad traffic patterns don't help. Combine that with the black helicopters and enhanced police presence because of our day's special guest, and you have the makings of a major pain. But, it's baseball, and after a winter of discontent, baseball is a welcome sight no matter how long we had to wait to see it. It looked like a home game for the Phillies, with busloads (some estimates were 100 buses) of fans and thousands more like us driving down for the afternoon. The first thing we saw as we neared the ballpark was a parade of Phillies fans, complete with a 4-piece band playing "Happy Days are Here Again." It looked lik...

It's March, and you know what that means. That's right, woodchuck chuckers, it's March Madness ! Since you've probably already filled out a "bracket," I can go ahead and give you my Final Four picks and you can't blame me if you have the same teams. By the way, why do they call it the "Final Four" when there are still three games left to play? I don't know sometimes. The other thing I get sick of hearing is the word bracket . Check your bracket. How's your bracket? It hasn't even started yet and I'm already tired of hearing it. Anyway, it's Kentucky , Baylor , Syracuse and Kansas ; with Kentucky and Kansas meeting in the final and the Jayhawks winning the thing. I'm also picking Cornell to beat Temple in the first round and Richmond to beat Villanova in the second round, so you know I'm clueless. But I feel like I can tell you, since I spent ten bucks on a pool at work. Chances are, some other clueless person ...

I'm intrigued by those surveys and opinion polls that determine "The City with the Most Beautiful People" or "The Smartest Towns in the U.S." Mostly because I find it hard to believe that there are more beautiful people in Pasadena, California than in Des Moines, Iowa. Either they're not looking hard enough or they have an odd definition of beauty. Those sorts of surveys try to link people with the city they live in. It's a nice idea, but it strikes me as hogwash. Like the idea of "Southern Hospitality" or "Midwestern Charm." If you come to Philadelphia and are treated well, you're supposed to be surprised. Sports fans have an identity too, whether we like it or not. The Phillies lost the World Series Wednesday night. Being a Phillies fan, I'm supposed to be devastated. I'm not, but that's because I treat sports as entertainment. Like a movie or a TV show, I find that I can distance myself from the proceedings becau...

It's after 1:00am and although I got home from the Phillies game about 30 minutes ago, I find it difficult to sleep - even though the alarm will go off at 5:30 this morning. This morning. Geez. It was a four-hour party at the ballpark last night, and save for a tense moment or two, it was a breeze. The Dodgers were never up to the challenge and even though they got to starter Cole Hamels, the middle of the lineup and the bullpen were too much for the guys from southern California. It's hard to describe why we get so worked up over the success of our sports teams, but we do. Maybe we think it represents us as a people or maybe we think that the team is a part of our identity? I don't know and don't particularly care, since the emotion is the only thing that matters. I think we just like to be right about something, and we've been right about this baseball team for a while now. I was there when the ballpark opened in 2004, when they won the division in 2007, for t...

I guess I can understand why some people don't like sports. Sports aren't for everyone. Some people consider football too violent, hockey too confusing, basketball too ethnic and baseball too dull. I beg to differ on baseball at least. Baseball requires thought and consideration, two attributes lacking in today's "give it to me quickly" world of product induced satisfaction. Microwave ovens and cell phones have replaced home-cooked meals and delayed communication as staples of life, for better or worse. That attitude has permeated sports, and baseball in particular. Baseball is seen by many as slow and ponderous, and a few years ago the powers that be considered several ways to speed up the game to make it more appealing to our short attention spans. Evolution is not a friend to the thinking mind, it seems. But I digress. Baseball games have become events and ballparks have become amusement parks. Every new one that is built has more distractions than the last...

I paid for our Phillies post-season tickets today. It would have helped to have been drunk, but I did it during lunch at work so ... not. $605 for two tickets to three games. They're more expensive than the tickets last year, which figures, until you realize that most of us have less money than we did last year. Part of the deal was that, if I paid before September 10 I would be put into a lottery to be able to purchase tickets to additional games. Those are the kind of lotteries I win - where I get to spend money. Congratulations, you're eligible to buy two more tickets! Lucky me. StubHub is calling. Meanwhile, the end of civilization is nigh: TOKYO - Toyota Motor Corp. is developing a fail-safe system for cars that detects drunken drivers and automatically shuts the vehicle down if sensors pick up signs of excessive alcohol consumption, a news report said Wednesday. Cars fitted with the detection system will not start if sweat sensors in the driving wheel detect high le...

... the Koreans weren't involved in the Solheim Cup. All the Americans had to do was beat the Europeans. If they had to beat that bunch from South Korea and Japan, God only knows what would have happened. So, teary-eyed sentiment was followed by the grim realization that made-up sporting events, while fun, are just that ... made up. Make the Solheim Cup a true Worldwide event and you'll be saying something. Nevertheless, it was a gut check by Paula Creamer, Juli Inkster, Stanford, Wie and the rest to get out of Illinois with that big glass trophy. Nice going ladies. My jingoistic figurative hat is off to you. Meanwhile, the Phils managed to end a game in a way that had only been done once in 82 years. An unassisted triple play . Future "where is he now" candidate Eric Bruntlett caught a line drive off the bat of Mets' outfielder Jeff Francouer, stepped on second and tagged the runner coming from first to complete the trifecta. That's why you don't start...

It was hot today. " Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of heat ." What made matters worse was that I had to spend the bulk of it in the sun watching the Phillies cough-up a 10-game winning streak to the Cubs in a 10-5 defeat. A day off from work, but even a bad day at the ballpark beats a good day at work. Sadly, by the time the clouds rolled in and the sun rolled out, the game was almost over, and the only thing left to do was to venture out and play in traffic. Maybe it was the heat, or maybe a moment of clarity, but as I sat there witnessing the carnage, I realized that most of the things I enjoy in life are on the fringe of what most people would call popular . Minor league baseball, the LPGA, professional cycling and most of the music I like get reactions like a dog hearing a high-pitched sound when I start talking about them to the humans. I think it was the heat. For instance, last Saturday I had a ticket for the Blue Rocks game against the Frederick Ke...

I arrived home tonight to this little view. Two menus from Mi Famila Pizzeria on the stairway to my condo. Presumably, one for me (on the left) and one for my neighbor. Four steps from the bottom. C'mon, dude - show some initiative. At least the Chinese places have the gumption to walk up the stairs and hang the menu on my doorknob. Interestingly, the menu proclaims WE DELIVER . One assumes, from the way they deliver menus, that they take the food to a point about a quarter mile from your house and make you carry it the rest of the way. Meanwhile, tonight is the Home Run Derby. The Home Run Derby falls under the category of "Junk Sports." Summer fluff made-for-TV events with guys competing for the title of "Best Batting Practice Hitter." I can't get worked up over it. Are they home runs if there isn't a game and you don't run the bases? It's like T-ball for grown-ups. And I really can't handle listening to Chris Berman scream for 3 hours. O...

Paula Creamer threw out the first ball at last night's Phillies/Reds game in Philadelphia. The Reds could have used her later, as the Phils threw-up a 22-spot on them, winning 22-1 in the biggest blow-out since Nixon/McGovern. “We got slaughtered as they used to say,” Reds manager Dusty Baker said. Um --- no, they still say that Dusty. Among other things: The 21-run margin of victory was the largest in franchise history, surpassing a 26-7 triumph over the New York Mets on June 11, 1985. The 22 runs were the most scored by the Phillies since that 26-7 game. The Phillies' 10-run first inning tied a team record. They also scored 10 in the first against the New York Giants in 1948, the Chicago Cubs in 1975, and the Montreal Expos in 2002. Shane Victorino tied the team record for runs scored in a game with five. Seven players, including Jimmy Rollins and John Kruk, share that record. You'd think that a game like that would have been kind of boring, but at one point, afte...

I love the e-mail. Opening it means I'll get anything from an offer from a foreign potentate to help him secure his bank deposit to drugs to make my penis bigger. I don't need either, so it was nice to receive one that I could actually make some use of. This came from the Baltimore Orioles - the opposite of the New York Mets - asking me to start voting online for this year's All-Star game. They weren't asking for much, and were giving so much. Vote for your favorite Orioles for the 2009 MLB All-Star Game on orioles.com today. If you select the Orioles as your "favorite" or "other favorite" Club the maximum 25 times between Wed., April 22 and Thursday, July 2, you'll receive an exclusive promo code good for one (1) FREE Upper Reserve seat to one (1) Orioles non-prime home game after the All-Star break of your choice. I don't know why the 1 has to be in parenthesis - twice. As you may know, the Orioles are my "other favorite team" s...

Today is Free Cone Day, which isn't some sort of veiled reference to an old comedy sketch - it's free ice cream cone day at your local Ben and Jerry's retail outlet. If you can find one nearby , stop in and demand your free ice cream. It's the least you can do. It's a gamble on my part, but I'm betting that you can't find one close enough to where you are that would make it worth your while to make a special trip for a free ice cream cone. I'm just saying. For me, I'd have to drive to the 60 miles to Atlantic City or cross the $4 bridge to Philadelphia, and as much as I love B&J's, it just ain't worth it somehow. For you gamblers, U of Penn students or Amtrak customers - invite the head freeze. Regular readers will remember Box Wars , the three-day affair between me and my next-door neighbor. Today marked day two of The Yellow Pages Bag. Around here, the local phone company drops the new phone books at what passes for our doorstep....

On Saturday I took-in a Wilmington Blue Rocks game. For those of you unaware, the Blue Rocks are the Class A affiliate of the Kansas City Royals. A minor league baseball team. I used to go more often, then I kind of let it slide, so to speak. Earlier this year, I ordered an 8-game partial season package so I could go on eight Saturday nights. The games start at 6, the parking is free and the ballpark is less than 45 minutes from home, so why wasn't I going more often? Exactly the question I asked myself. They have a nice ballclub down there. Lots of good hitters and an exciting brand of baseball. Granted, you have to be a baseball fan to appreciate the minor leagues, which is where I come in. In addition to a third row seat being 8 dollars, the concession prices are reasonable and the team treats its fans with respect and gives out a lot of SWAG (Stuff We All Get) which is both a good marketing device and a nice treat for those of us who go to the games. It's a great ballp...

Baseball is one of those things that is supposed to take us away from the drudgery of everyday life. That's true, except when some real-life event intrudes on the game and makes us think. Then, life and sports intersect and that's almost never good. There was the earthquake that stopped the 1989 World Series and the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 that stopped the game for a few days - among others. Generally, it's the death of an icon or some tragedy. Good things make us appreciate the game while bad things make us feel as though the game isn't as important as it is on most days. Regular readers know I'm a Phillies season ticket holder and a lover of baseball. This season, I paid for the MLB package from Comcast so that I could watch any game. If I'm not watching the Phillies I'll tune in the Orioles, but it's nice to be able to tune into any game. When the news of Harry Kalas' death came to us yesterday, I started to think about all of ...

I learn something about myself during baseball season. Between November and March I eat - maybe - two hot dogs. The rest of the year, I eat about two thousand. That's what baseball does. April baseball around here is a crap-shoot, since we play it outdoors, unlike those pussies in Canada and (egad) Texas where they have to put a dome over the ballpark and turn it into a stadium . Here, we have either the balls to play in the cold or the intelligence to stay home and watch it on TV. The next game on my Phillies season schedule is Tuesday night. As of now, it looks like the watching on TV part is the shit. Because valor is not the only thing that discretion is the better part of: Tuesday: A mix of clouds and sun in the morning giving way to a few showers during the afternoon. High 49F. Winds W at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of rain 30%. Tuesday night: A shower or two around the area in the evening, then partly cloudy overnight. Low 33F. Winds W at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 30%. Te...

Opening night at Citizens Bank Ballpark started with a beautiful day. I took a stroll around the grounds before the game. I don't know what kind of flowers they are. That's the second biggest U.S. flag I've ever seen. They didn't leave it there once the game started. The players marched in along some sort of procession from center field. There appears to be a few players in the stands, too, but those are just fans in costume. They invited some paratroopers from the Army to drop in with the first ball. One of them dropped into the parking lot. Really. They announced a "sellout crowd." Odd, since the attendance figures for sellouts are never the same twice. I guess I'm the only one who pays attention to stuff like that, but wouldn't you figure that a sellout would mean that there was the maximum number of fans in the ballpark? Reasonable men may differ. This was the view from my seat. That's the bell that lights up when a Phillies player hits a ho...