My Sick Mind

HOBOKEN, N.J. – Police say a man posing as a waiter collected $186 in cash from diners at two restaurants in New Jersey and walked out with the money in his pocket. Diners described the bogus waiter as a spikey-haired 20-something wearing a dark blue or black button-down shirt, yellow tie and khaki pants. Police say he approached two women dining at Hobson's Choice in Hoboken, N.J. around 7:20 p.m. on Thursday. He asked if they needed anything else before paying. They said no and handed him $90 in cash. About two hours later he approached three women dining at Margherita's Pizza and Cafe. He asked if they were ready to pay, took $96 and never returned with their change. Wouldn't you ask - "Are you my waiter?"

This isn't going to be a popular opinion, but I think the Phillies are overdoing it a little with the Harry Kalas tributes. A little bit. I guess they don't want to make a mistake by not doing enough, but I think the extent of the things that are going on between tonight and tomorrow are a little too much. Here's a partial list: Throughout the season, Kalas' renowned "Outta here!" home run call will be played over the PA system after every Phillies home run at Citizens Bank Park Players, coaches and manager Charlie Manuel will wear an HK patch on their uniforms. A billboard honoring Kalas will be displayed on the outfield wall. The TV broadcast booth, where Kalas broadcast since the Bank opened in 2004, will be named the Harry Kalas Broadcast Booth: "That ball's outta here!" In the first half-inning of Friday's broadcast on Comcast Network Philadelphia, there will be no commentary. During the seventh-inning stretch Friday, a video of Kalas s...

Was today "National Talk on Your Cell Phone While Driving Day" and I missed it? Somebody needs to let me know about these things so I can celebrate along with the rest of the world. Seriously, the unenforceable law we have in New Jersey that bans cell phone use while driving seemed to have died a merciful death today, as I saw at least 10 percent of the drivers yakking on my drive home - including one jackass who talked for a full ten minutes in my rear-view mirror. HERE'S A HINT FOR LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT: Take the law off the books because you clearly have lost the handle. People talk with one eye on the road, an ear to the phone and the other eye looking for your police cars. It ain't working. For those of you who have teenage drivers licensed in the state, you're about to encounter another little dose from Big Brother. Your kids are going to be issued little decals that identify them as Teen Drivers because some kid named Kyleigh was killed by a teen aged ...

GEORGE: I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: Nothing. RUSSELL: Nothing? GEORGE: Nothing. RUSSELL: What does that mean? GEORGE: The show is about nothing. JERRY: (to George) Well, it's not about nothing. GEORGE: (to Jerry) No, it's about nothing. JERRY: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something . I didn't want to draw any more attention to it than necessary, but now that it's over I can write about it. The National Football League and their evil stepchild, The NFL Network made a 2-hour TV show out of the release of the 2009 NFL schedule. Seriously. It made me think of the exchange in the Seinfeld episode called "The Pitch" where George is pitching the idea of a show about nothing to NBC: GEORGE: What'd you do today? NFL Network: We released the schedule of our games. GEORGE: There's a show! That's a show! NFL Network: How is that a show? It's just a list of games. GEORGE: Oh, it's a show, baby...

JERRY: Hey, I've been trying to jam stuff in the box like you told me, but sometimes it says, like, "Photographs - Do not bend". NEWMAN: (Sarcastically) Do not bend! (Laughs evilly) Just crease, crumple, cram ... you'll do fine . Sometimes when I go shopping, I forget my canvas bags, and you know how much I love my canvas bags. In those instances, I am forced to use the ... plastic. The cashier wants to use two, but I refuse, (pun) instead choosing to cram all of my items into one measly bag. She quizzed me on my distaste for waste: ME: I forgot my canvas, and I can't stand these things. Don't get me started. CASHIER: Go ahead, start. ME: It won't be pretty, I assure you. It gets under my skin to see people wandering out of here with a cart-full of these bags. CASHIER: I don't like them either, but people recycle them. ME: They do? CASHIER: Yes, there's a container outside and it's always full. (ME THINKING: Maybe that's because th...

Baseball is one of those things that is supposed to take us away from the drudgery of everyday life. That's true, except when some real-life event intrudes on the game and makes us think. Then, life and sports intersect and that's almost never good. There was the earthquake that stopped the 1989 World Series and the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 that stopped the game for a few days - among others. Generally, it's the death of an icon or some tragedy. Good things make us appreciate the game while bad things make us feel as though the game isn't as important as it is on most days. Regular readers know I'm a Phillies season ticket holder and a lover of baseball. This season, I paid for the MLB package from Comcast so that I could watch any game. If I'm not watching the Phillies I'll tune in the Orioles, but it's nice to be able to tune into any game. When the news of Harry Kalas' death came to us yesterday, I started to think about all of ...

I had a ticket to the Orioles game on Saturday. The weather forecasters made it sound like the rain would stop mid-morning, allowing me to drive there in time for a rain-free day in Baltimore. In reality (something the forecasters are oblivious to) it rained until 3 in the afternoon, so I stayed home and watched the game on my $40 MLB cable package. In between, I switched over to the Masters tournament coverage on CBS. I've never seen network broadcasters openly rooting for someone like I saw them rooting for Tiger Woods at this week's Masters golf tournament. Every shot he makes or misses is a major event with these guys. I'm guessing (correctly) that Kenny Perry and Chad Johnson don't make for big viewer ratings on Sunday, so Tiger being part of the event is a big deal to them. But, don't make it so obvious, OK guys? We know the TV ratings are nice, but you don't have to be cheerleaders. If they rooted for Jim Fuyrk so intensely, I'd have to think about ...