My Sick Mind

A float depicting U.S. President George W. Bush being spanked by the Statue Of Liberty passes by during the Rose Monday carnival parade in Mainz, western Germany, on Monday, February 19, 2007. Thousands of spectators attended the traditional street carnival parade in the state of Rhineland-Palatinates's capital. (AP Photo/Bernd Kammerer) A carnival float carries a large papier-mache figure of U.S. President George W. Bush and Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The annual six-day carnival, which peaks on Rose Monday when millions of people watch processions in major cities, is famous for its tradition of crude political satire and beer-guzzling crowds. The words on the float reads, 'Armpit of Evil'. REUTERS/Ina Fassbender (GERMANY) MAYBE THIS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT? An Army honor guard carries the casket of Sgt. John T. Bubeck, of Collegeville, Pa., during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. in this Jan. 9, 2007 file photo. Bubeck...

It is Saturday, February 24. Fifteen days ago, Anna Nicole Smith died. Now, she haunts my TV. Nancy Grace Weekend , (which sounds more like a horror movie title than a news and information show) is all over the custody hearing. Over on the Fox Noise , they're discussing the nutty judge and Britney, who isn't dead, although she still haunts. This is telling me that, either (a) I do not understand the wants and needs of the American consumer, or (b) The news programs are off on their own, and people really are not watching. I'm thinking " a ". People in charge of programming TV shows do not aimlessly put shows on the TV. They methodically go over demographics and viewer ratings to determine just what and when people are watching. Like some kind of demented network TIVO, they know what we think we want, and they have determined that we want more Anna Nicole stuff. I ask myself how they can tell... Since it's on 24/7, it might be hard to differentiate between wh...

Here's the idea : Set your iPod to SHUFFLE , and report the first 10 selections that pop up. OK, so mine is a Dell , but it has 2915 songs in it, so the results should be interesting. Here we go: Top Jimmy from 1984 by Van Halen The Door Into Summer from Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones by The Monkees A Hit By Varese from Chicago 5 Sweet the Sting by Tori Amos from The Beekeeper Rocking Horse by Gov't Mule from their Boulder, Colorado show Jam (untitled) by The Dave Matthews Band from Live Trax volume 4 What is This? by King's X from Out of the Silent Planet Lawyers, Guns and Money by Warren Zevon from Excitable Boy 41 by The Dave Matthews Band from the Golden Gate Park show Amish Sex by Dave Attell from Shanks for the Memories That was fun. Only one repeat band, and although I routinely go through it and remove stuff I thought I would listen to but don't, I wouldn't take any of these out. Who has an iPod that wants to take a shot at this? Besi...

DARMSTADT, Germany - A European spacecraft was on course to zip past Mars on Sunday, a crucial maneuver in its meandering, 10-year voyage through the solar system to make the first soft landing on a comet. German scientists are taking great care to be sure that the spacecraft doesn't hit Uranus. LOS ANGELES - A classic Hollywood cliffhanger will conclude Sunday's Academy Awards, and organizers hope the suspense of an up-for-grabs best picture race will be enough to keep TV audiences tuned in through the finale. I think TV has lost track of the American worker. I live in the eastern time zone, and my alarm goes off at 5:30am on weekdays. Awards shows and sporting events can keep me up well past midnight, depriving me of much-needed rest. I'm not enough of a nut about it to hang out until 1am while Alec Baldwin reads from a note card. I figure that's what newspapers and the Internet are for. I suppose there's suspense over the best picture race, but since I...

I love baseball. I grew up with baseball. Dad was baseball. Baseball was summers off from school with the radio at my bed listening until I fell asleep. OK, so I'm no James Earl Jones, but you know... The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard and rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and can be again. Anyway ... It's my favorite sport to attend, and the only sport that I can express an informed opinion or offer insight to. Give me a summer night, a beer, scorecard and hot dog and I'm a happy pappy. Recently, however, ticket prices have begun to creep beyond the grasp of the lower income group who might enjoy a night out. Or me. It is sad because the game may be on its way to becoming another corporate-ruled enterprise, like football and hockey, where the average ...

I was challenged by the clever young lady that runs This Chaos I Like to Call My Life to a "weird-off" of sorts. She has posted 10 weird things about herself and has tagged a few of us to do the same. Weird-O-Rama. I think it's interesting that pretty much this entire blog is dedicated to how weird I am. So, post-wise, we're up over 300 weird things - and counting. Besides, I did a whole Thursday Thirteen about it in September that fans of mental illness can use as a reference in their Master's Thesis. "Oh yeah, he's weird, but check out this guy ! Jumpin' Jesus!" OK, maybe one more...for the kids. The latest one is my new favorite evening snack. Birds Eye Deluxe Mixed Baby Vegetables . That's right. I heat the little bastards up in the microwave, salt 'em up and go. Dee-lish. And I don't even own a rabbit. Most of my oddities involve food ... or the cell phone, but not cigarettes ... speaking of weird behavior. BARDSTOWN, Ky. - D...

So, I'm walking on the treadmill at the gym, watching the closed captioned version of Jeopardy . Can life get any better? Not right now, it can't. It is without a doubt the most pretentious show on the TV, and it has been on since 1911. It is regarded as a measure of intelligence, but it's really just a TV show. And what's all this nonsense about answering with a question? WTF? That's my question. Usually, the questions and answers don't match-up. Here's an example: The category was "Before the Euro" , and Eileen asks for the $400 question. ALEX: The answer is ... The drachma. EILEEN: What is Greece? ALEX: Right. Right? If somebody asks me "What is Greece?" and I respond with "The drachma" I'm going to look like a dumbass. On Jeopardy , it's worth $400. Eileen's a genius, and I'm walking on a machine for half an hour without going anywhere. The Dumbass. Who is me?

The Question: Was John F. Kennedy alive 90 seconds before his fatal shooting in Dallas on November 22, 1963? The Answer: Yes, he was. But, how can we be sure? (Hey, that’s another question). Because, new footage of JFK’s motorcade in Dallas has surfaced, dumbass. Amateur photographer George Jefferies took the footage and held onto it for more than 40 years. Jefferies mentioned it in a casual conversation with his son-in-law, Wayne Graham, and the two agreed to donate it to the Sixth Floor Museum in Dallas, which focuses on Kennedy’s life and assassination. A casual conversation about film that you took on a day that the world changed? I wonder what they talk about when something really important happens? George : Hey, did I ever show you this? [running projector] Wayne : Cool. That pink outfit looks familiar. Is this from that time you went to Dallas ? [rubbing chin] George : Yeah. It was stuck in with those pictures of a blank Mount Rushmor...

Start with the tune of "Space Truckin'" in your head, and you'll have a nice musical background going. Then, I'll hit the NEXT BLOG button to see where I'll go. The sense of adventure is overwhelming. Now I know how Magellan and John Glenn must have felt. My first English-speaking stop was Free Hott Girls , proclaiming " if you come to this blog you will see hundreds of free girls that are ready for you to just look at them in their bikinis." What better reason to blog? Girls in bikinis. Next up, the ladies way . Lead story: Bald-headed Britney gets tattooed, just above an article about the French Nazi-era collaborator Papon dying. Otherwise, it looks like a resting space for articles about coping and romance. By the way, the Nazi's romantic period is greatly under-appreciated. Then, I found beeleoge . He posts YouTube videos of women dancing. At the bottom of the page was the answer to the Number of ways of factoring n with all factors >1...

Today is President's Day. A day to celebrate our presidents, and not just the good ones. We should include all of them, the good and the bad, because we're honoring all of them, otherwise it would be called Good President's Day. Arguably, the five worst presidents in U.S. History are Andrew Jackson, James Buchanan, Ulysses Grant, Herbert Hoover and Richard Nixon. I had to throw out a lot of bad ones to get to that list, but I feel as though I may be making a grave error. I think that perhaps I should be adding one, but which one to add? I don't like all the fuss over "Top 10" or "Top 5". What makes them such special numbers? If you have a worthy candidate, there is no problem with expanding the list. So, let's do the Top 6 Worst Presidents in History , because I think we might have number one sitting right here in front of us, and I'd hate to have to remove one of those names to fit. The number six is significant in the history of this part...

From president Bush's press conference on February 14th: QUESTION : A lot of our allies in Europe do a lot of business with Iran. So I wonder what your thought are about how you further tighten the financial pressure on Iran, in particular, if it also means economic pain for a lot of our allies. BUSH : It's an interesting question. One of the problems, not specifically on this issue, just in general, that -- let's put it this way: Money trumps peace, sometimes. In other words, commercial interests are very powerful interests throughout the world. And part of the issue in convincing people to put sanctions on a specific country is to convince them that it's in the world's interest that they forego their own financial interest. And that's why sometimes it's tough to get tough economic sanctions on countries, and I'm not making any comment about any particular country, but you touched on a very interesting point. You know -- so, therefore, we're constan...

So, there's Wayne Newton, singing the opening song for the NBA All-Star Game in Las Vegas. In some strange way, it's a perfect match - A make-believe game in a make-believe city with a star made by the make-believe city. He's standing up on the top of some lighted Plexiglas stairway singing "Viva Las Vegas". Nice. Well ... I can't really see his face moving, presumably as a result of the thousands of dollars spent on cosmetic surgery. Then, I think about the theme ... of course, he would sing "Viva Las Vegas". Wayne Newton and Las Vegas go together like peanut butter and chocolate. Las Vegas paid for all that surgery. I'd sing my little silicone-enhanced heart out too, if I owed as much to one city as he does. Although, the lusting after Beverly D'Angelo in that Vegas Vacation movie still sceeves me a little ... a lot.

Do you tip at Subway? I noticed a tip box on the counter of my local Subway on Sunday, and wondered if I was being a cheapskate for not dropping something in. My sandwich order came to $8.38, so was I supposed to leave $1.25? (15%) - I don't think so. There was a dollar bill hanging (obviously placed by the owner) and some loose change inside, so it wasn't one of those 'take-a-penny, leave-a-penny' deals. OK, so the guy was making my sandwich, but does that mean I'm supposed to tip? What say you, blogger buddies?

KAHUKU, Hawaii -- Paula Creamer won the LPGA Tour's season-opening SBS Open on Saturday for her first victory since 2005, handling the whipping wind to hold off Julieta Granada by a stroke. Creamer closed with a 2-under 70 for a 9-under 207 total and earned $165,000 for her third LPGA Tour title. In 2005 as a rookie, she won two LPGA Tour titles and also took two tournaments in Japan. I know, most of you care about this much. But, seeing as how I spent Saturday night watching the tournament, and I get at least 5 page hits a day from Google searches of "Paula Creamer [insert rude reference]" , I figured I owed it at least a brief post. I'm not sure what you expect to find, but here's another web hit for ya. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure how they get here to begin with. I suppose her name comes up in the same post as the words "hairy", "nude", "up-skirt" or "armpits". I really can't imagine how, but you know ...