My Sick Mind

Some say that the popularity of social networking web sites like Twitter and Facebook is due to the idea that we all want to feel as though we belong to something. Well, maybe I'm the one who says that, but I take liberties with the idea that perhaps more than one of us has the same thought every now and then. Anyway, I think the crux of the matter is that we don't like to feel as though we are alone in the world. Hence the popularity of those so-called "reality shows," where so-called "regular people" partake in contests and other forms of entertainment and are either judged by famous people or kicked off the show because they end up being very annoying. Either way, there are a lot of them, and it's primarily because there are a lot of people who don't like feeling ordinary, and being a part of something with national exposure makes them feel a little less ordinary - for a while anyway. Then, there are the pure thrill-seekers. Those who are ordin...

Reports from the LPGA say that Lorena Ochoa will announce her retirement from professional golf on Friday. It must be nice to abandon your career at the age of 28. For all that we hear about how women's golf is struggling, can life really be so bad that they are leaping out at 28? Perhaps not. They make millions off the course for commercials and product endorsements, and if they're smart they bank it all and get out while their womb is still warm and they can raise a family. What I find interesting is that the best women's golfer in the world can suddenly decide to hang up her cleats and sit in a chair. We'll see how long it lasts. Lorena has the personality of a golf bag, but her impact on the game has been great. The LPGA will miss her competitive side, but on a personal side I can't tell you three things that she has done off the course - which is probably a good thing. Generally, the LPGA has a nice group of athletes. You probably won't read about any sex...

The Morning Call , the newspaper that spoke to me on Thursday ran the article . My favorite part was where they said that "he admits he follows the Ladies Professional Golf Association more closely than the men's golf tour," as though I'd admitted that I like watching children's television more than 60 Minutes - How dare you! I don't know if they ran the photo of my shirt, since I haven't seen the actual newspaper. Anyway, since Paula is in the last group today and one shot from the lead, I thought about driving back (or staying there) to see the third round, but I admit to being tired. I walked the course twice yesterday, once with Suzann Pettersen's group and again in the afternoon with Paula. Not only is it about 8,000 yards (more or less 5 miles), but it's through that high grass. The players walk on stuff that's like the carpeting in your living room. Lucky bastards. I saw a lot of people wearing flip-flops. I don't get flip-flops...

With the best of intentions, I woke up at 4:30am and was out the door by 5:30, but a navigational cock-up sent me east instead of west and what should have been a 90-minute trip to Bethlehem, PA took more like 120 minutes. So, I was a little late for Paula's 7:55 tee time. Thanks to my Garmin Nuvi, I was able to get help navigating through Allentown and around the Lehigh University campus where they had us park for the shuttle bus. I'd probably still be driving around looking for the golf course otherwise. She started on the 10th hole, so I managed to pick her up at 14. She was playing with Lorena Ochoa, so the Mexican Army was out in force and the galleries were huge. Much larger than anything I'd seen at Bulle Rock. They figure to be as large tomorrow, when their tee time is 1:25pm. All that means is that I'll be there until at least 5:30 and it will be warmer. Such is life. Saucon Valley is a nice place. Nestled in the Saucon Creek watershed , it's picturesque,...

I had a good feeling about Paula's third round. There was a concert at Ripken Stadium on Saturday night, so our parking/shuttle area was moved to a corporate campus in Belcamp. On the way, I passed a Creamery Lane. An omen? I don't know. It sounded good at the time. She started the day at even par, teeing off at 12:14pm (in the noonday sun, as they say) and it was a challenge for her to stay there, and it wasn't until the 16th that she got into negative numbers with an elusive birdie putt. She managed to finish the day at one-under par, but it will be an uphill (if not impossible) battle to win with so many players ahead of her, and the leader at minus 10. So let's reflect on the week so far: FRUSTRATING: The shitty directions to the Belcamp parking area provided by the LPGA. First, they said, "go west on Route 563" but 563 runs North/South (odd numbers, don't-cha-know). It went downhill from there. We're back to good-old Ripken Stadium on Sunday. ...

Today began my annual four-day trek to Maryland to see the McDonald's LPGA Championship at Bulle Rock Country Club. It will be my final time, because the tournament is in the last year of a 5-year deal, so next year's Championship will be held elsewhere. In the past, I've added up the total distance I walked during the tournament. Suffice it to say, it's enough to make my feet hurt and my aging knees swell a bit. My love of the LPGA is exceeded only by how much I love complaining. Wednesday is what they call the practice round, but mostly, it's colleting autographs and photographs of the players while they mill around the putting green, driving range and various parts of the golf course. I collected about a hundred photos and some autographs, most notably Hall of Famer Se Ri Pak. To the right is Natalie Gulbis , who you may recognize from her recent appearance on Celebrity Apprentice . I think she was fired. She was doing an interview with a local TV station sho...

Taking dinosaurs off this island is the worst idea in the long, sad history of bad ideas, and I'm going to be there when you learn that. - Ian Malcolm, "The Lost World: Jurassic Park" Speaking of bad ideas, here is the next one in their long, sad history. LPGA Commissioner Carolyn Bivens said in an interview last week that she would "love it" and “encourages” players to use handheld devices to post content on social-media Web sites such as Twitter or Facebook and encourages the use of handheld mobile phones during play , even if it runs counter to golf etiquette. That's right. She'd love it if the players started texting 140-word updates to their Twitter pages during the round. Sure. While we're at it, let's have an update from Donovan McNabb while the Eagles defense is on the field. And what's to stop Brad Lidge from typing while he's sitting around for 8 innings? Hopefully, common sense stops them, because the people in charge are...

Partly because today was a big sports day in the area and partly because I have no social life, I chose to spend the better part of the day in front of the TV watching sports. The Phillies were in Milwaukee, finally ending the playoff series that would send them into the League Championship Series on Thursday. I'll be there, which beats watching it on television, although I'll have to come to grips with the $80 ticket price. I try not to think about that part. During the game, in addition to the numerous Frank TV commercials, there's one for Dish TV (no relation) that features a scene from "Poltergeist," where the kid looks into the white noise on the TV and says, "They're here" and an aged Craig T. Nelson rises from bed to tell us that they really aren't here. At the bottom of the screen, the disclaimer appears: SCENE FROM POLTERGEIST. NOT INTENDED TO DEPICT ACTUAL CABLE VIEWING EXPERIENCE . That's nice. Otherwise, I would have thought th...

Yesterday, during the Phillies/Marlin game on Fox, the announcers declared John Baker the Pepsi Clutch Performer of the Game . That's great, only it was a 7 to 4 game in the bottom of the seventh inning. Don't you think that there might yet be a clutch performer to emerge or do you think that Pepsi wanted their name on the broadcast before most of America tuned out? I'm thinking the latter. What it amounts to is a commercial and not a real award. Why not just put up a big PEPSI banner on the screen and get it over with? We need more junk on the screen, right? Meanwhile, over on ABC we're watching The Open. America calls it The British Open, but the rest of the world calls it The Open. The announcers (them again) tell us that we're "watching ESPN on ABC." Huh? I thought I was watching ABC. In fact, I was watching ABC. ESPN had a fishing tournament and billiards. This cross-marketing thing is amazing to me. I know that ABC owns ESPN and Disney owns them b...

Hershey, Pennsylvania. Everything in town has the same name. Hershey Park, Hershey Avenue, Milton Hershey School, Hershey Gardens, the Hotel Hershey, The Hershey Lodge, Hershey Area Playhouse ... You could drop somebody blindfolded out of a moving car and it would take about two minutes for them to figure out where they were. The only thing in town this week that wasn't named Hershey was The Dave Matthews Band. It was another great show. They're almost always great, which is why I go. The venue, on the other hand, sucks dark chocolate. Strike one was a trio of teenaged girls who accused me of stealing their jacket in the Hershey Park cafeteria. What a 50-year old would be doing with a girls' jacket in 90-plus temperatures is beyond me, but there you are. It's a big stadium with odd ways in and out, as though they wanted to punish us for having to pee. Last year it was a power-tripping security guard who made me go back and re-enter. Strike two this year was a specta...

Big doings and nothing doings this weekend for the sick minded. Friday (today or tomorrow depending) is yet another Dave Matthews show. This one is in Hershey, PA - and you know what's in Hershey. That's right ... beer. No really, it's the chocolate thing. The big stadium (Hershey Park stadium or something) is right next door to the big chocolate factory, so there's tailgating (the beer part) and Reese's cups in my future. I'll have to find a way to keep them chilled, since it's going to be hotter than Hell on Friday (today or tomorrow depending). This is the last Dave show of the summer for us. My friend is a total groupie. After the Camden show a couple of weeks ago she did her usual "follow the band back to the hotel" thing. Usually it includes me, but this time the show coincided with the LPGA Championship in Maryland, and you know how that little competition came out. Well, it turns out that this year she got to meet His Majesty and got a b...

BLOGGER'S NOTE: Compare the weather forecast box below to the one I put on Wednesday's post and see how, in merely two days, the forecast can change significantly - then tell me if you think these guys know what in Hell they're doing. That wasn't the rant . Rather than bore you with details of another fine day on the Bulle Rock golf course, I'll give you a few details, then launch into yet another of my rantings. Today was the last day before a wretched heat wave ruins another weekend, so it was probably my final day at the LPGA McDonald's Championship. Today, rather than follow one player through the entire course, I decided to follow several players, hopscotching through the groups and seeing a few holes with each. I started with the five-star group of Ochoa, Pressel and Webb. They started in the morning, so I was able to walk the front 9 with them before I had to leave to join Annika Sorenstam's group, who teed-off at 12:37. Of course, Annika is ret...

My week off from work is winding down. Today was spent in Maryland at the Bulle Rock golf course watching the LPGA McDonald's Championship (presented by Coca Cola). After two straight late-nights at Dave Matthews shows (and yes, I did think of you ), I couldn't wait to get up at 6am and drive 65 miles to walk 6,630 yards (3.76 miles) with my favorite athletes - particularly Paula Creamer, whom I walked the course with today. Paula missed at least 4 easy birdie putts on the first 7 holes and I think her first inclination was to heave her putter into the lake, but she still had 11 holes to play. She finished one-under par. Paula's group was finished around 2:00pm, and I had the chance to go back out and walk the back 9 with Lorena Ochoa, Morgan Pressel and Karrie Webb, but I needed to get back to do my Thursday night 28-mile bike ride with the shop group - and my feet hurt. I know. The good news is that I'm going back on Friday, and since Paula's group teed off ea...

Today was the first day of the McDonald's LPGA Championship at Bulle Rock Country Club in Havre de Grace, Maryland. Well, kind of the first day. Today was one of the Pro-Am days, where the sponsor's corporate pals get to play a round of golf with one of the LPGAs professionals. I guess you have to be a corporate high-roller or one of McDonald's big suppliers to get invited, and from what I heard, hackers came from all over the country to drive balls into the sand and miss 4-foot putts with some of the best golfers in the world. I didn't go to the Pro-Am last year, so I thought I'd run down there this year and see what goes on. The answer: Not too much. Since most of the girls played on Sunday in South Carolina, the field was pretty slim, and mostly made up of whomever didn't make last week's cut or didn't play at all. The big attraction was Natalie Gulbis, who would be the big attraction no matter who showed up. I could have spared myself getting up a...

Mi Mente Enferma . That's how My Sick Mind is translated into Spanish. I had a reader today from Columbia, South America and the link translated the blog to Spanish, via the smart folks at Google. I had no idea. To see your blog translated, click on your Buddy link on the right of the Spanish page. Click here to see Mi Mente Enferma ( Lo que está en mi cabeza, derrama sobre el monitor del ordenador ). The girls are playing golf this weekend at Superstition Mountain, Arizona; outside of Phoenix. Take a minute and wander over to the Golf Channel for the coverage. If only to see the beautiful course and the background. I think I know where next year's vacation is going. The NCAA tournament is back this weekend, where the cream should rise and Cinderella will find that the shoe doesn't fit. By Sunday, we'll be down to the so-called "Final Four" which, although it does contain four teams, it is by no means final. There will still be two games left. Speaking of ...

Natalie Gulbis is running a blog (of sorts) from Sweden, where the girls are playing The Solheim Cup. The photo on the right would be a really nice photo if the camera had worked. What's particularly odd is that the big ad in the right corner is supposedly for the camera that took the crappy shot. Are they really trying to sell cameras? Maybe a nice outdoor shot where there's sun. A flash would be a nice touch, don't-cha-think? I have to admit , those new iPods are pretty cool. A 3.5 inch screen and wireless Internet capable. Three hundred bucks is a bit steep for all that, but maybe they'll drop the price like they did with the stupid iPhone. Glad you waited in line? I'm a little confused, though about the TV sizes. We seem to want them in all sizes, and we're equally amazed by both small and large. " Wow, look at that screen!" could be applied to anything. I'm not sure I want to watch TV on my cell phone. "Who the hell are you and what di...

I used to watch a lot of women's tennis. I stopped when they started screaming on every shot. Not all of them scream, but there is enough of them that scream to make me turn off the TV when there's a match on, and I don't have a list of screamers and non-screamers, so I have to keep it on long enough to find out. They scream, I'm out. This weekend (and next) is the famous Wimbledon , which most people can read but not pronounce. Even some so-called professional announcers call it Wimbleton . It makes me want to scream. The screaming has gotten way out of hand. I don't know when it started, exactly, but I think it was that soft-hearted Monica Seles , who was stabbed in the back by a German (like that never happened before) and spent the rest of her life attempting a comeback. I think the people that teach tennis players to scream are the same ones teaching baseball players that they should slide into first base. PARDON ME WHILE I RANT: You cannot overrun second or t...

Finally ... a headline I can get excited about ... Women Prefer Men Who Look Like Dad Now, I can start getting those 20-year old's to start looking at me. I'm your daddy. Meanwhile, some guys are at Oakmont playing a golf tournament. Something called the U.S. Open, or so I hear. The girls are taking the week off, so I might tune in. This story on Yahoo News talks about the autograph seekers waiting in the hot sun for players to sign stuff. By Wednesday afternoon, some autograph seekers were already posting their goods online. Several white U.S. Open flags, featuring Oakmont's squirrel logo, were selling on eBay with as many as 50 autographs on them. Bids on most started around $199. Pikers. That hat I had autographed at Bulle Rock last week ... you'll pry it from my cold, dead hands. And Paula's pink golf ball -- I might be buried with that baby. On reflection, it was as great a week as I have had watching any sport, and as long as none of them beats up John Daly...

One of the principles that America's founding fathers had in mind when they drew up the Constitution was that we would be a nation of laws and not a nation of men. Of course, this stems from the country from which they came. Royalty places itself over the commoners and as such, they get preferential treatment in adjudicating cases. As it is with so many other issues , the principles set forth in 1776 become irrelevant when placed in current society. You would have to be naïve to think that we are all treated equally in life, but sometimes the issue is so outrageous that even the most hardened and cynical among us have to scratch our heads and wonder, WTF? Paris Hilton was taken from a courtroom screaming and crying Friday, seconds after a judge ordered her returned to jail to serve out her entire 45-day sentence for a parole violation in a reckless driving case. "It's not right!" shouted the weeping Hilton. "Mom!" she called out to her mother in the aud...

"I expect some good practice round pictures at least..." - Sparky Duck , June 5, 2007. Well, Sparks old buddy ... I hope the above snapshot qualifies as a good picture! That's me and Paula Creamer after her practice round today. After missing a couple of opportunities to grab the photo, it looked like Paula was heading back to the clubhouse to call it a day, so I quickly commandeered an unsuspecting spectator and gave her my camera and called to Paula, who politely agreed. The poor kid. The day began early. I got to the course at around 9:00am after a little more than an hour drive and shuttle bus. I figured I would walk the course with someone and take in the sights and sounds of my first live golf tournament. What I didn't realize was how accessible the players would be. Once that became obvious, I abandoned my walking idea and spent most of the day hanging at the practice green (between the first tee and the clubhouse) and watching the players wander around and te...