My Sick Mind

O n April 6, I wrote extolling the virtues of the latest concoction from Ben & Jerry's, called Black and Tan. Sadly, the present state of society has prohibited some people from grasping the obvious, and ignorant of that seemingly elementary trait, have laid into Ben & Jerry's for having the nerve to name an ice cream after a group of soldiers. News Item : DUBLIN (Reuters) - Ice cream makers Ben & Jerry's have apologized for causing offence by calling a new flavor "Black & Tan" -- the nickname of a notoriously violent British militia that operated during Ireland's war of independence. "Any reference on our part to the British Army unit was absolutely unintentional and no ill-will was ever intended," said a Ben & Jerry's spokesman. "I can't believe that Ben & Jerry's would be so insensitive to call an ice cream such a name and to launch it as a celebration of Irishness ... it's an insult!" wrote one b...

News Item: An Oregon man who went to a hospital complaining of a headache was found to have 12 nails embedded in his skull from a suicide attempt with a nail gun, doctors say. The unidentified 33-year-old man was suicidal and high on methamphetamine last year when he fired the nails into his head one by one. Doctors were surprised when X-rays revealed six nails clustered between his right eye and ear, two below his right ear and four on the left side of his head. This is yet another example of someone who lacked the ability to conceive a plan and carry it through to its conclusion. The problem here is not the nail gun or the methamphetamine, it is incompetence. How many times have you had to take your car to a mechanic with what you thought was a routine problem - say, your turn signals appeared to click when they weren't on - and the guy at the service station either could not find the problem, or believed he found it, when in fact, he did not. The car was returned to you, and th...

T ype the phrase “quick and easy” into a Yahoo search, and you will get 21,500,000 results. Ironically, it is neither quick nor easy to sort through them all, but the point is that we have become a society that is Hell bent on getting things done quickly and easily. I hesitate to use the word accomplished , since I don’t think many things in life are accomplished quickly and easily. Things get done, but whether we actually accomplish anything is another matter. We have fast food, microwave ovens, e-mail, instant coffee and instant oatmeal – which actually takes a minute and a half - but I suppose in the cosmic sense, it’s an instant. Quick and easy has become the mantra for almost everything: diet books, exercise, cooking, investing, cleaning and even education. But, as they say, it ain’t necessarily so. I suppose it helps sell books, but “quick and easy” is a shallow promise, and we all know that no one would buy a diet book called Lose Weight the Slow and Gradual Way . Watch the ounc...

O ne of the things I think about when I'm thinking about things is how each of us is seemingly relegated to our 'lot in life' not through any of our own doing, but by our birthright. If I was born a Kennedy, I'd be living in Massachusetts; suckling on the family teat. However, if I were born to a family of alcoholic mental-defectives, it is likely that I would be sleeping on a grate at 15th and Chestnut Streets, carrying a sign begging for food. With only a tiny amount of good fortune, we fall somewhere in between the Kennedy's and the Streety's - God bless them all. Once we realize that our lot in life is at least partially pre-determined, perhaps we can then begin to come to terms with who we are and what we have become. As adults, I think it is necessary to take stock in our lives at some point. Perhaps now is a good time for you, too. Presumably, we all do the best we can with what we have, and it is up to each of us to determine whether or not that is the ...

I realize that life is not a clear-cut set of choices and decisions. There are often grey areas that muddle seemingly obvious conclusions. Grey areas are bad, because they give decision makers the ability to cater to any special interest that either pays the bills or in some way floats their boat. Specifically, I refer to the grey area of what we may or may not consume. On September 30, 2004, Merck announced the voluntarily worldwide withdrawal of VIOXX® (rofecoxib) from the market. There is a trial currently concluding where a man claims to have suffered a heart attack from taking Vioxx. Meanwhile, RJ Reynolds and Altria (the more user-friendly name for Philip Morris) continue to produce and sell cigarettes, knowing that they are killing people. The boxes used to say “may cause…” or “may result…” Now, they use words like “will” and “does,” as if there is no doubt that the product is causing harm. Maybe Vioxx and similar drugs help people, maybe not, but it surely didn’t take long for ...

Better than pills , bran cereal and the " dreaded apparatus ". It's good for what ails you . Spoon it into water and watch it and your troubles disappear. You'll be a Pistol-Packing Mama in no time! Trying to do my part to make your lives a little easier. Hear me now, believe me later.

You Are Austin, Texas A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in ... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick What American City Are You?

Compare his 1987 Topps rookie card [left] with this recent photo as a San Francisco Giant [below] . Incredible Before and After pictures tell the real story.

Somehow (an Easter miracle) the bids have been taken down and the egg is now back to its original $5,000. It's a steal, folks. So, if you're looking for that last minute Ridvan gift, this could be just the thing. Since the egg could be said to look as much like Jay Leno or Captain Kangaroo as it does Jesus, it shouldn't be offensive to anyone of any religion. Dig deep.

T hings that say they're "collectible" usually are not. N ever buy coins from a television shopping channel. L iquor before beer - never fear. B eer before liquor - never sicker. L ight a candle and curse the dark, if it makes you feel better. N ever make a life-altering decision because you think other people believe it is the right thing to do. Do it only if you believe it is best. S ignal before changing lanes, not after you already have two wheels in the next lane. T ake a day off from work and spend the whole day with your dog and/or cat. You and your pet will feel better. T urn off your cell phone. G o to your nearest big city and buy a meal for a person living on the street. Don't give the money to some big charity, they'll screw it up. Instead, give it directly to the person you want to help. E njoy some peace and quiet. This one works in tandem with turning off the phone. G o outside, walk someplace and walk back. Leave the phone at home. S end someone a ...

Today is Easter, or as some would say, "Easter Sunday," as if Easter ever comes on any other day of the week. Prior to this, we had Good Friday and Holy Saturday. Holy Saturday sounds made up, like "Elite 8" had to be made up to go between "Sweet 16" and "Final 4" in the NCAA basketball tournament so that there would be a named stage between two major events. We celebrate several major Christian holidays in America. They are not National holidays, since the United States does not have National holidays. Rather, they are legal holidays, because businesses are free to be open or closed if they wish. The government, however, is always closed. I wonder how the growing populations of Islamic, Buddist and Hindu feel (really feel, not what they tell Diane Sawyer) about all this Christian holiday celebrating that we do? They're all tax-paying citizens - at least by today I hope they are - but they don't get a sniff when it comes to having time o...