So, here we go. Five questions and five answers.
1. The President comes to you and offers you any job within his administration, besides his. You feel a certain sense of duty to your country, so you accept. What job do you take and why?
I would want a job where I could do some good and have an impact, which immediately leaves out Press Secretary and most of those patronage jobs. Vice President is an interesting title, since there is considerable upside when it comes to future employment, but I don't think it carries enough weight to do anything worthwhile.
As far as actual “jobs” are concerned, I think I would ask to be head of the Environmental Protection Agency. There, I could work toward preserving and protecting our National Parks, which I believe are under siege and in need of attention. It won’t be long before urban sprawl is encroaching on most of them, and it will take somebody committed to the parks to keep them the way they were intended. I would also like to see us embrace wind and solar power, which I think are the answer. It seems to me that we have these two huge sources of energy that are always here and never run out - sun and wind. Let's put our best and brightest people to work on this issue and make it happen.
2. Would you rather...
a) Try to block Warren Sapp
b) Have a televised golf match against Paula Creamer
c) Try to hit a Roger Clemens fast ball
d) Play goalie against a Wayne Gretzky penalty shot.
The key word in the Creamer option is “against.” I wouldn’t want to play against her, because she would kick my ass. Had you asked “with,” the choice would be easy. In addition, I would not want it to be on the TV, since I’d probably be humiliated. I’m into the quality, alone time, so a nice stroll on the golf course would be a cool day out with good company, but I wouldn't want it to be a competition.
I would want to do something that I could train for and would make me feel good once I did it. So, I would choose the Clemens challenge. I could spend some time getting my timing down, and be thrilled no end to hit a ball solidly. Just make him promise not to throw me a breaking pitch or anything near my head.
3. You have been selected to plan one of those Live Aid/Woodstock type concerts. What 5 bands would you break your neck to get to appear?
If I really wanted to bring people in and raise awareness of some worldwide situation, I would have to get a headliner that would bring people in from all over the world, with the added benefit of being a one-of-a-kind show. You need to create demand. With that in mind, my headliner would be KATE BUSH. She almost never does shows, and she has fans all over the world. Then, I’d get FIONA APPLE, JOHN FOGERTY, KT TUNSTALL, and for my opening act, I would try to get GENTLE GIANT to get back together for one big show. I’d love to hear them again. I know most people don’t know much about those artists, but I think once we were done we would raise some money for something good. Maybe National Park preservation or the environment. I think it would be one Hell of a great show.
4. I give you a spell that allows you to change one thing in your life after the age of 18. Would you use it and what would you use it for? Why or why not?
Easy one. A spell to make me save my money instead of spending it on junk that I would only accumulate. Junk like baseball cards, magazines, books I never read and other items of clutter. The spell would make me a saver rather than a spender – stocks and mutual funds - and I would be using that money now, 31 years later, contemplating my early retirement from this life of drudgery. If I knew then what I knew now.
5. How much wood would a woodchuck chop if a woodchuck could chop wood?
Your average woodchuck is a dedicated worker and could probably chop huge quantities. However, as head of the EPA, I would strongly discourage it.
Now, the extension of the offer:
It’s in that vein.