A trillion here, a trillion there -- before you know it, you're talking about a lot of money.

I think we have some money coming to us. At least that's what the guys in the big domed building are saying. They wouldn't lie, would they? They're busy cooking up a rebate scheme to help our struggling American economy because money fixes everything.

In the great tradition of the federal government, they think that the best way to solve a problem is to throw money at it, and who better to throw money at than the American people?

We're supposed to spend it on junk that we wouldn't spend it on otherwise in order to -- anyone? -- stimulate -- anyone? -- stimulate the economy. Yes, the economy. The one that's in such horrible shape that economists are using the "R" word, recession and the one that's in such bad shape that the rest of the world followed in line and their stock markets dropped like stones in sympathy.

Then, earlier this morning, the Federal Reserve (not a branch of the Federal government) cut interest rates by the biggest margin since 1991 and the smart money (ours, not theirs) says that they will do it again when they meet next time. Bravo, Fed guys. All those poor schnooks with adjustable rate mortgages will suddenly have more money to -- anyone? -- spend on junk they wouldn't normally spend it on like big screen TVs and cigarettes.

Some of the junk they're going to spend it on isn't made here. In fact, most of the junk isn't made here, since we're pretty much a service-based economy. We're good at Geek Squads and Temp Agencies, just don't ask us to build anything. We have to go overseas to get the parts, and if it's something we can sub out, we'll even go overseas to sub it out.

The guys in the dome aren't saying how much they're going to give us, but they're saying that the poor will get more than the rich. Uh-huh. That's because they say that poor people are more likely to spend it on junk than rich people. Rich people do stupid things like saving and investing. What's the point of that? We need to jump-start the economy.

I know what you're asking. Where is this money going to come from? That's a fair question. People will figure that it's just money that the government has lying around, because after all, they print the stuff, right? No, not really. They're going to borrow it. As of the 18th of January, this neat little number represents the Federal Budget Deficit:

$9,188,640,287,930.39

That's 9 trillion dollars, if you're keeping score at home. It's over $30,000 per person in the United States. In the time it took me to cut and paste that number, it grew by a few thousand dollars. So, what's the harm in giving out a few hundred dollars to head of household taxpayers, right? Here's what they're going to do...

They're going to borrow money, give it to us, have us spend it on stuff, some or most of it made outside the country, pay interest on the money they're giving us and cross their fingers and toes that all our pointless spending somehow breathes life into a recessionary economy.

All the while, taxpayers will be screaming, "Hooray, they're giving us money!" Yeah, right ... giving. The Romans used to call it Bread and Circus.

In the words of Eric Cartman, "Dude, this is pretty fucked up, right here."