My Sick Mind

It's still cold and windy here, but the telltale signs of spring are in the air - somewhere. In Florida, pitchers and catchers (the baseball kind) have reported to spring training and the first exhibition games are only a week away. That's good news for those of us in these cooler climates who are sick and tired (and tired always follows sick) of cold, blustery weather. I don't know where This Mighty Wind comes from, but it rattles the windows and generally makes me wish for spring. Among other things, I've been told that I need to "get a life" by a pithy commenter from Texas over the past couple of days. I've often heard that phrase used to describe people but I've never exactly deemed its meaning. Mostly, I think it's a defense mechanism for people who feel as though they have to build up their mundane existence with a ten-cent cliche designed to make themselves feel superior. In fact, as Lenny said, "We're all the same schmuck....

NEW YORK (Reuters) – Hundreds of demonstrators rallied to boycott the New York Post on Thursday, branding the newspaper as racist for publishing a cartoon that appeared to compare President Barack Obama to a chimpanzee. Demonstrators led by civil rights activist Al Sharpton chanted "End racism now!" outside the parent company's skyscraper in midtown Manhattan and called for the jailing of Rupert Murdoch, whose international media conglomerate News Corp owns the Post. Boycotts are noble efforts, but you'll have to tell me the last one that succeeded in accomplishing anything, because I'm pretty sure there hasn't been one. A friend at work once boycotted a local Chinese restaurant because they wouldn't give him extra soy sauce with his General Tso's Chicken. "You want extra, you buy bottle!" they told him, so he boycotted the place. That had as much of an effect as other boycotts, which is to say none at all. So, a bunch of people gathered a...

After I moved the box adjacent to my neighbor's door, someone came home late last night (after 10:00pm) and went inside, having moved the box to the side so that they could open the door. Undaunted (because I'm a relentless bitch) I went outside and moved the box back in front of the door. I was incredulous over the fact that someone would move the box to open the door and not take it inside. I asked myself why and couldn't come up with a credible answer, which is what incredulous means. When I got up this morning, I rushed to the window (to see what was the matter) and saw that not only had the box been removed, but the salt container (barely visible in the corner of the photo) and the two snow shovels next to it had also been removed! I win! Perhaps. I'll see if my neighbor has some evil plan to hatch the next time I have a UPS delivery. The difference between me and her is that when I have a package on my doorstep, I take it in like a normal person. I don't le...

There are two kinds of people in the world. (1) People who make their bed each morning and (2) People who do not. I am people 2. Partly because I see it as a futile exercise for someone who lives alone. I'm getting back in later. Partly because I live with an animal who enjoys the warm comfort of the comforter. Even if I did want to make the bed, I don't have the heart to move him. He's 18 and needs his sleep and deserves a nice place to rest. I'd be there with him if I didn't have to go to work. I'm not sure which type my next door neighbor is, but I know that she is (a) hardly ever home and (b) likes to leave junk out on her (our) porch. This large box has been sitting in various locations on the porch since Friday. Friday. Tonight, I took the liberty of moving it directly in front of her door, making it impossible for her to get inside without at least acknowledging the presence of the box. My next step is to place a note on the box stating that THIS BOX H...

To celebrate President's Day, I parted with a few. Dead ones, that is. The day started with a lovely trip to my 800th favorite place, the dentist's office. A while ago, I broke one of my filling-laden back teeth, so a crown was in order. I have dental insurance, but it's calculated on 1985 dollars, so the $1,000 benefit lasts long enough to get me into the chair. After that, it's on me. The crown and a small filling in the tooth next to it are going to cost me 700 Franklin's. I know Ben was never president - don't ruin the theme, OK? Next, with a sore jaw that was losing ground to the rapidly fading numbness, I decided to do my taxes. After all, what follows a dental visit better than a tax form? I use Turbo Tax, and up to today, it's been very reliable. When I got to the end of the line and it told me that I owed $4,200 I started to think that its reliability had run its course. I thought I had entered some numbers wrong or missed a deduction, so I went t...

BUFFALO, N.Y. – The commuter plane that crashed near Buffalo was on autopilot until just before it went down in icy weather, indicating that the pilot may have violated federal safety recommendations and the airline's own policy for flying in such conditions, an investigator said Sunday. Federal guidelines and the airline's own instructions suggest a pilot should not engage the autopilot when flying through ice. If the ice is severe, the company that operated Continental Flight 3407 requires pilots to shut off the autopilot. So, I guess that balances out the whole Chesley Sullenburger deal? They aren't all superheroes. I've gotten into a minor debate over on a friend's Facebook page over my dislike for LPGA golfer Michelle Wie. Since there are about seven people who care enough to fire back over an "I don't like Michelle Wie" comment, I found it odd that I stumbled on one on Facebook. Anyway, most of the reason I don't like her very much is becau...