My Sick Mind

Sports is strange. Things that happen in sports don't happen in real life, and vice-versa. It's an odd thing, and strange the way some people separate sports from everything else. Last week I went to Baltimore for the Orioles home opener. On my way out, I bought a polo shirt with the bird and "Orioles" written underneath. When I wore it to work the next day you'd have thought I was wearing a Swastika necktie. "Hey, I thought you were a Phillies fan!" "What's this - Orioles?" "What's with the Orioles shirt?" I explained that I have been going to Orioles games since the 80s, and I like the Orioles, the ballpark and I enjoy visiting Baltimore. What I really wanted to say was, "Fuck you, I'll wear what I want. How about losing 50 pounds, tubby." Apparently, we're only allowed to wear one team's items, and we're especially only allowed to support the local teams. To me, I'm limiting myself if I onl...

I watch that "Intervention" TV show once in a while. It's always the same three things: Crack or heroin addiction A guy who drinks too much Some eating disorder – generally not eating enough That's the Intervention Trifecta. Of course, there are the rare occurances of combinations of the three – in pairs or all three. For instance, a crack-addicted alcoholic anorexic . That's a series. It is kind of boring seeing the same problems over and over. They end the same way: They follow the guy around for a while, watching him stumble, shoot-up or throw up for a few weeks (that's called enabling ) and then assemble the family so that they can get that bald-headed psychiatrist to tell him how screwed up his life is and send him off to a 3-week rehab in Florida. Some of us would view that as a paid vacation. Then, one of his family members (usually a displaced uncle or some grandparent who he pissed on a few times) gets up and reads a heart-felt letter of re...

News story: As Democrats in the Senate argue that "ideology" is the only thing standing in the way of a deal to avert a government shutdown, House Republicans are countering that's simply not true. Hmm … point well made. They can't even agree on what is causing the disagreement. I say, let them shut it down. Maybe we'll see how well we do without them. Or … are they afraid we'll realize they aren't necessary? If it is shut down long enough, private industry will take over many services, and probably for less cost. And then, the displaced government workers can try working a real job for a change. Talk about culture shock.

I may have found a future career for myself once my working days are over. I could open a driving school. But not your ordinary driving school - oh no. This would be a driving school that would spend all of its time teaching one particular aspect of driving. The Yield Sign. The yield sign is the most misunderstood appliance on the highway. My driving school would spend a day or two on it, and students would not graduate (or be allowed to drive at all) until they possessed a total understanding of the sign and what it means to drivers who approach it on the road. Certainly, drivers understand "Stop" signs and what the colored lights mean. They know that railroad crossings are for trains. They know that speed limit signs signify the "limit of speed" -- OK, so maybe they don't understand everything they see on the road, but let's take it one sign at a time. Let's say that the yield sign is applied to your everyday life. You're standing in line...