Memorial Day. Another one of those holidays where they tell you all of the things you're supposed to do to get out and appreciate the great weather, then they come back and tell you about the horrible traffic conditions that exist because you got out and appreciated the great weather.
They call it "the unofficial start of summer," which really means that it's time to hike gasoline prices and start dumping chlorine in the pool.
Pools, when you think about them (and I have) are really just filtered standing water treated with chemicals. After all it goes through, is it really water?
My condo association (whom I've nicknamed "The Wrath of Khan") recently gave out our pool passes. I passed. The letters went out a few weeks ago alerting us to a time and place where we could come and pick them up. This was accompanied by the annual reminder to keep kids in their "swim diapers" and to refrain from vomiting in the pool. Uh-huh.
Things like that make me think that it wouldn't be necessary to remind parents to keep kids in swim diapers unless most of the kids were going in without swim diapers. It's like those signs that remind employees to "wash hands before returning to work." I'm guessing that most of them need a sign. "No spitting in the water fountain." Really? I thought you were supposed to spit in the water fountain. Where do I spit then?
So, I've decided I'm no longer swimming in public pools. If I manage to live to be 100 and some local TV station comes to my birthday party (my 101st birthday, counting the day I was born) and they ask, "to what do you owe your longevity?" I can look at them through my fuzzy glaucoma eyes and stammer, "I don't swim in public pools." Millions of people in their 80s will look at the screen and think, "They told me I was senile."
And now, here's a haiku about pools:
Swimming in public
should be limited to just