My Sick Mind

Sunday is the Super Bowl . America's greatest secular holiday. Since I don't care about the game or who wins, I'll be taking it in at the local sports pub. I'm thinking epic blow-out ... like that 49ers-Bengals game or the Cowboys-Bills. So, here's the guess (with a pologies to Bears fans ): Colts 37 Bears 14 Strangely, I'm rooting for the Bears, but my gut feeling is that it will be all downhill for Peyton Manning, and the Bears defense isn't all it's cracked up to be. If th e Bears win, good for them. They'll prove me and some skeptics wrong about the inadequacies of the NFC, but I'm thinking that it ain't gonna happen. By the way, my numbers in the office blo ck pool are Colts- 0 , Bears- 7 , so root for the quarter scores so I can afford those Blue Man G roup tickets. ------------------------------------------------------ I can't believe that there isn't something better to run cars on than gasoline. Pam put up a YouTube...

"Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania' or 'teria’ ." - Homer Simpson They also end in "Bowl" - as in Super or ... Wing. Thank whatever God you pray to that some heathen invented the CD player. Why? I’m glad you asked. Today, WIP and my favorite morning radio show is hosting something they call the Wing Bowl , (the 15th one, really ) an eating contest where 20 endomorphs sit on a big stage and try to throw down as many chicken wings as they can in an hour. In today’s Inquirer , columnist Frank Fitzpatrick called it a “rodeo for the repulsive” and a “bacchanal for bozos”. Good ones, Frank. Somehow, it became a radio show, and every year for the last 15, the Friday before the Super Bowl is Wing Bowl day in Philadelphia. The station’s ads call it a “Sporting Event”. Uh-huh. If eating is a sport, then sex should be in the Olympics. That, at least, is something I’d watch. I’m not a big fan of eating contests to begin with. I l...

On this date in 1960, four African-American students from North Carolina A&T College began a sit-in at a “Whites Only” Woolworth’s in Greensboro, North Carolina lunch counter. By February 10, the action had spread to 13 southern cities. This is a testament to how much the United States has changed in my lifetime. Racially, we are light years ahead of where we were in those days, but in other ways, we are not. There are still great hurdles to overcome on many fronts, and it will take heroic actions for some to approach them. Sadly, the present gang of idiots in the White House would never allow anything as revolutionary to happen, so we are forced to wait until at least January of 2008. All these people are interested in now is fostering a war that people do not understand and promoting their so-called War on Terror – whatever that is. It is so typical of the narrow-mindedness that comes out of Washington. They fight wars on ideas while squelching real ones in science, technology an...

You're Gore-Obama! As Al Gore, you are really tired of letting history decide. Known for having great potential in all sorts of fields, you are mostly remembered as falling just shy of that potential. Even when you've been exceptionally popular, you've managed to find ways of getting nothing done. Lately, you've become completely obsessed with making things cooler. Many have long suspected that your deep affinity for trees is inspired by the fact that you relate to them and their inability to move. You select Barack Obama as your running mate so he can write your speeches. Take the 2008 Presidential Ticket Quiz at the Blue Pyramid . You're Lolita ! by Vladimir Nabokov Considered by most to be depraved and immoral, you are obsessed with sex. What really tantalizes you is that which deviates from societal standards in every way, though you admit that this probably isn't the best and you're not sure what causes this desire. Nonetheless, you've done some pre...

No, not that one... This one... Over on Pam's Musings , we were treated to her voyage to the dark side - namely the Wal -Mart. A lively little tale of her reluctant visit to a store that she reviles. So, leave it up to me to pour a little kerosene on the fire. One of the things that surprised her (and me) was that the Wal -Mart sells organic vegetables. Cool, right? Wrong . This cool little article was linked from the Huffington Post , and details how the boys from Arkansas (pronounced are-can-saw) are under investigation over trying to pass off non-organic foods as organic. Hoo -boy! How 'bout them prices! It's a shame, because some people were excited by the prospect, only to find out that they were duped. Sorry to burst your free-range bubble, but something in the ba ck of my sick mind told me that I should do a little web search over " Wal -Mart organic vegetables". Viola (pronounced woa -la!) ... there it was. And here's the ... ahem ... meat of t...

Writing is like farting. Your own always smells pretty good, no matter how much it might stink to other people. So, in that spirit, thanks for letting me stink up the place while ... (a) This headache and mild feeling of uneasiness goes away... or (b) It graduates into the full case of the flu that I suspect is coming, flu shot notwithstanding. Meanwhile... The Ice Balls are Coming. And you thought I was goofy last week , didn't ya? TAMPA, Fla. - Raymond Rodriguez was changing a tire when an 18-inch chunk of ice plummeted from the sky with a piercing whistle, then a metallic crunch. The ice chunk crushed the roof of a nearby Ford Mustang on Sunday morning. No one was hurt. "It's not an act of God," said Carlos Javage, whose son's car was wrecked by the mystery ice. "This came off an airplane." Aw, c'mon Carlos ... airplanes are made by God, right? If you're really religious, like the Bible says we are, then isn't everything an act ...

If there is anything totally irrelevant in today's twisted society, it's the Miss America pageant. For years, it was in Atlantic City. Now, it is housed in the only place that could possibly h andle such extravagant nonsense - Las Vegas. "There she is, your ideal." Um ... no . To me, they represent the best and worst of society...People willing to go along to get along. Don a bathing suit, strut around like a display case and hope that a bunch of other people like you enough to give you something. Yuck. They're probably all very smart women. Smart enough to take advantage of what life has given them, but to me they're too ... perfect. I'm a guy (honesty), so I'm supposed to be excited by the prospect of ectomorphs parading around in swimsuits and evening gowns, but I really don't get it. Miss what , exactly? Oh, that's right ... it's a Scholarship pageant . Can you take an SAT in a bathing suit? It's on the TV tonight, and I guess I...

As a consumer, I hate to feel like a rube, but that's exactly how I felt today. With all the snow and ice we've had lately, my car had come to resemble a rolling powdered donut. Even though we're getting more as I write (snow, not donuts), I felt it was necessary to take the car to the local car wash - along with several hundred of my neighbors. That's not the rube part. The rube part came when I requested the service. They have 3 levels - Regular ($9), Super ($10) and Ultra ($12). Nothing better than ultra, right? The cars were practically bumper-to-bumper rolling through the place, and (the rube) I said, "Ultra", figuring that I should get the wax and the undercarriage wash. Good thinking right? No. There is no way for the car wash to know which level of service I requested, and with so many people there, and the customers paying at random, how was the attendant to know which car was mine? He didn't - which is where the rube part comes in. There ...