My Sick Mind

Most people view Labor Day as the end of the summer. Or, as some TV newspeople would say, "The unofficial end of summer." Others put it at the Equinox on September 23 - or as some TV newspeople would say, "The official end of summer". The end of summer comes for me when the days grow too short to ride my bicycle after work and the early mornings grow chilly. That would be today. After the near-record heat we've had around here since ... oh ... July, we're now at the start of some sort of cooling trend. It will be near 40 degrees Saturday morning, and I prefer to be near my warm bed when that sort of thing is happening. Mostly , it's because I don't have anything to wear when the temperatures go below 50 degrees. Of course, I refuse to ride when it's cold, so there's a perfectly valid reason why I don't have any cold weather gear. Is that one of those chicken/egg deals? There are the hard core riders, who will ride right on through the...

LONDON (Reuters) - One microscopic organism has thrived despite remaining celibate for tens of millions of years thanks to a neat evolutionary trick, researchers said . Sure, you know what the "trick" is, right? It's called evolving into a repulsive organism. C'mon ladies, even tiny organisms need orgasms. Lighten up, babe. You try to be a responsible microscopic organism - good job, nice car, clean - all that junk, and a guy has to wait tens of millions of years for a little sump'n? WTF? Microscopic men have needs. The National League playoffs started Thursday night, and how nice was it that the jackasses in Arizona had to throw crap on the field after they got pissed at a bad call? The Rockies left the field because they were afraid of getting hit by flying water bottles. TV loves it because ... anyone? ... more ... anyone? ... more commercials ... anyone? ... they get to show ... anyone? ... more commercials. They get to show more commercials. Bueller? I...

I burned out on that Deal or No Deal quickly. I think I watched the first half dozen or so episodes, then they started doing crazy shit like inviting Donald Trump to give advice - as if he knows something about picking cases. Bankruptcy, sure. Boxing match with Rosie? You bet. Picking cases? I want Kreskin. Anyway, I accidentally tuned in tonight and I see that there are now 7 million-dollar cases amongst the 26. Something tells me that they're a little desperate to give the money away, so they've "Little Leagued" it up by making it look like they've rigged the game. Is this supposed to make it more entertaining? Or less entertaining? They took out all the high numbers, so that the highest before a million is $75,000. Sure, it seems like the game is stacked, but you've still got a 50% chance of getting less than a thousand bucks. Needless to say, I didn't leave it on long enough to find out if the contestant "won". I'd be willing to bet th...

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A NASA spacecraft observed lightning strikes at Jupiter's poles as it provided insights into the giant planet's dynamic atmosphere as well as volcanic activity on one of its moons, scientists said on Tuesday. "Scientists said." Like anybody listens to them. T here's also a big probe near Uranus, so watch out. Meanwhile , what a surprise that a Google search that originated from Florida State University for " Heineken DraughtKeg empty " landed them here. Don't you kids have mid-terms?

Who's dying to see a photo of my cat drinking out of the bathroom sink? OK. Otherwise, life would be kinda dull around here. Lucky for me, I only have one cat. And lucky for us, there's only one Hillary... WEBSTER CITY, Iowa - Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton proposed tax cuts of up to $1,000 a year on Tuesday to encourage millions of working-age families to open personal 401(k) retirement accounts. The New York senator said the program would be paid for through higher estate taxes. Does she honestly think that a tax cut will make people open a retirement account? What color is the sky in her world? For most of us, a thousand dollars is enough to make up for the increases in state taxes, sales tax (here in NJ) and the general cost of living increases that aren't met by our wages. If she thinks - even for a minute - that her constituents are going to use that money for a retirement account, I'd like to introduce her to human nature. Human nature...

Sunday night's Curb Your Enthusiasm was one of the funniest ever. Dial it up if you have HBO or that On Demand deal. Earlier this year, he took in a family that was displaced by the hurricanes last year. They're really out of place on the show, and it strikes me as a bit of a contrived plot line to bring other characters into the show. He doesn't need other characters. The show is funniest when it's just Larry being Larry. He works himself into some social hole and spends the better part of the show working out of it. He doesn't need outsiders that we really don't care about. He may have gotten tired of writing for himself, but it really isn't much different than bringing a baby to a show or marrying a couple. It's a little phony. The scene that got me to the blog was the one that takes place at Ted Danson's birthday party. He and Mary are opening gifts from their friends, and I found myself asking myself, "What could I possibly buy for someon...

I know better than to plan things. I still do it, I guess because sometimes the plans come to fruition; probably enough times to encourage me to make more plans. Today was to be a little day trip in the car to Baltimore (or as they say in Baltimore, Balmer ). Nature, however conspired against me with this God awful heat when it's supposed to be autumn. It reached 87 degrees here today, so I can only imagine how hot it was in Balmer. I shrivel up in the heat. My skin burns. I sweat like a sanitation worker. It's very ... uncomfortable. When I'm out in it struggling, I look around and people are wearing long sleeves and [egad] suits and they look like they stepped out of a refrigerator. I look like I'm having a stroke. So, I sought other activities. For me, that's a trip to the mall for lunch. Who goes to the mall for lunch? Me. Then it was off to the gym and home, where I decided to join the gang for the Monday night bike ride. The days are getting shorter, so the ri...

Once every three months or so I find myself in the odd predicament of having 5 dollars that I don't want anymore, and I buy one of these things [to your right]. They draw 6 numbers and you win money if the numbers on your ticket matches some of them. It isn't even necessary to match all 6. You can win something for matching 3, 4 or 5. Matching 5 would get you about $2,500, 4 gets about $60 and matching three only pays you enough to buy another ticket. Of course, the Holy Grail is the 6, which, on a slow week gets $2.5 million. Most of us have said, at one time or another, "When I hit the lottery" which is followed by a dream paradise or just the sheer pleasure of being able to tell your boss to fuck off. 2.5 million would be enough for me to do that. Hell, right now, I'd do it for sixty bucks. The hopes and dreams of millions of people hinge on one of these little pink tickets having a lot of matching numbers. I don't think that's fair. After all, look at...