My Sick Mind

November, in Television Land, means it's Sweeps month. For those who may not know, our pals at Wikipedia define Sweeps this way: Sweeps Much of the ratings system still consists of the completion by viewers of ratings diaries , in which a viewer records his or her viewing habits, generally for a week, in exchange for being advanced a nominal fee. These diaries play an especially important role during the four annual sweeps periods conducted in February, May, July and November in an attempt to measure smaller local market audiences in markets that are not covered by People Meter samples already. The term "sweep" refers to how the diaries were handled by Nielsen Media when the ratings were first produced: They are mailed to the households and processed by starting on the East Coast and "sweeping" across the nation. You can tell it's Sweeps month, because the promos for local news border on ridiculous. Thursday night, CBS3 told us that they were g...

I'm on Where's George , which, several of you may think is some sort of tracking device for the idiot son of our 41st president ... but, no. It's a tracking device for dollar bills that are stamped with the distinctive Where's George sta mp. I came up with one at a local Wawa store near My Sick Headquarters and logged it in here . Otherwise, my day has been spent rehearsing for my potential appearance on Deal or No Deal. I'm memorizing all the numbers ... 1 through 26. Labor intensive, I know, but I think it may pay off in the end. I'm also practicing my OCD-induced-fist-handshake so Howie won't hate me. Meanwhile , political dumbass John Kerry shot himself (and the party) in the foot (or ass) with his stupid remark about either being educated or "stuck in Iraq", which prompted some Minnesota National Guard members in Iraq to scrawl out this inspired sign : Oy. John ... be a fountain, not a drain. And then... SYDNEY, Nov 2 (Reuters Life!) ...

Thirteen Reasons I Almost Didn't Do a Thursday Thirteen This Week Subtitle: Thirteen Lame-Assed Excuses 1. Daylight Savings Time ended, and I've been slowly adjusting. It's dark all the time. 2 . My Helper Monkeys walked out. I've been buying those green bananas again. The last time they threw crap on me, so I guess I'm lucky they walked out. 3. Hallowe'en. I'm logy from eating too many Skittles. I'm peeing a rainbow. 4. I'm still goofing with my new toy . So far, I've found the "on" button and have also been able to find my ass with both hands. 5. I'm working on the Friday Five . It's 62% less work. I'd be done by now. 6. Sex sex sex. Thinking about it takes up a lot of time. Apparently, the whole "hump day" thing is just an expression. 7. I got mezmerized by this site and wasted a lot of time. 8. I made the mistake of out-sourcing the job to India and had to have the whole thing translated from Hindi. Gurūvāra...

I got my new Dell Axim today, so I'm a little distracted. So, here's a look at a sweet black cat for the "holiday". He's been with me for over 16 years, which makes him a "senior" by cat standards. Black cats are supposed to be bad luck. It's a ridiculous notion, since this one is the best thing that ever happened to me. And imagine, in 1990 he cost me a mere $2 9 at the local animal shelter. At the rate of return vs. cost (a concept that accountants are supposed to understand) this one was way undervalued. I figure that I owe the shelter about a million dollars by now. He's a beautiful boy, and I hope he's around for a few more Hallowe'en's - scaring kids, birds, squirrels and keeping me from thinking that nothing good happens to people. Sometimes it's something as simple as an animal that makes us believe in goodness. What puzzles me is how I raised him to be such a good cat. Maybe it's him or maybe it's me - or maybe ...

There is no joy in Mudville. Sports is on the front page of the newspaper after a horrible weekend here in Philadelphia, and to make matters worse, it gets re-played and analyzed on every TV station and sports talk radio station (of which there are 2 here). We even have a 24-hour sports cable outlet that will discuss little else for the next week. The mood of sports fans is sour, and it’s a shame that it has deteriorated to the point that sports has become so important. Our hometown football team, the Philadelphia Eagles, laid an egg on Sunday. For the third consecutive week, they have disappointed the fans with a lackluster effort in losing to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Fans are calling for the firing of the head coach, cutting of players and generally beating themselves up over the (in)action of the team, who is a bland 4-4 entering into a challenging second half of the season. It could be worse, but it’s hard to imagine how. Three things happened to make sports as big a part of socie...

I think this may be a little free advice to back up what my Blogger buddy Carmen nudged me about a week ago. Brevity is indeed the soul of wit: Your Fortune Is To make a long story short, don't tell it. The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator By the way, Friday's mention of the Dell Axim (complete with jazzy blue link) did not elicit a response from the Dell people. I'm expecting a goodie bag any day now.... holding my breath . I guess that stuff only works with Big Ass Fans . Meanwhile, start the week with a laugh. Brian Regan is one of the funniest guys working today. Here he is talking about his latest visit to his doctor: