My Sick Mind

Washington, D.C.: from the Associated Press Headline : Bush Wants Newcomers to Learn English "What the president has said all along is that he wants to make sure that people who become American citizens have a command of the English language," press secretary Tony Snow said. "It's as simple as that." You would think it would be simple, wouldn't you? Of course, the President would never encourage people to do something that he couldn't do himself. Allow me to cite some examples of the president's command of the English language: "We're honored that the Flying Tomato represented our country, and we want to thank all the dudes and dudesses of the snowboarders who are here. " -- With the 2006 U.S. Winter Olympic and Paralympic Teams, White House, May 17, 2006. "The first choice, and a choice that I think will work with the Iranians is diplomacy. And I believe we can accomplish this through diplomacy." -- Sun City Center, Florida...

I was starting to think that this blog was getting a little too serious - you thought so too, right? In the nick of cyber-time, along comes an e-mail from Heaven with news that sent me whirring to the log-on page at the Blogger thingy. It was a notice from Ticketmaster, reminding me of an important concert event coming to the Wachovia Center in Philly in July ... POP TARTS PRESENTS: AMERICAN IDOLS LIVE! Whoever decided that Pop Tarts should sponsor the American Idols tour is a marketing genius. To you, sir or madam, I remove my figurative hat in tribute to your keen sense of irony. Pop Tarts indeed. I even wrote a little poem: The perfect sponsor and symbolic twist for such a group of twits as these. To you, my friends, the tarts of pop, I wave my private parts and sneeze. Thank you, worthless TV show, for making me funny again. I couldn't have done it without you. Same to you, Simon. You pompous clown. I feel much better now.

R ecently, we have been treated to news stories about the distinguished former senator from the great state of Tennessee, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. The stories are centered around the issue of global warming, which has been a concern of Gore's for quite some time. In fact, according to an Associated Press story, Al is running to California, New York, Utah, Washington, France and points in between to promote "An Inconvenient Truth," a film chronicling his elaborate slide shows to educate people about global warming. According to Albert himself, he is not planning to run for president again, but is merely "...on a different kind of campaign now - to persuade people to take action to solve the climate crisis." Somehow, this angers the conservative Republicans. Anger seems to be the emotion they express best, since they have been angry at least since 2000, and no amount of political power seems to soothe their savage breast. They control the White House, Congress,...

WASHINGTON - President Bush welcomed "dudes and dudesses" from the U.S. Winter Olympic team on Wednesday in a White House ceremony that included a most unusual prop — a signed football jersey from Donovan McNabb. About 190 Olympians and Paralympians from the Turin Games gathered on the sunny South Lawn for the traditional post-Olympic visit, where the president offered praise for athletes representing sports both traditional and hip. "We want to thank all the dudes of dudesses of the snowboarders who are here," Bush said. Normally, I would think that anyone who uses the word "dudesses" is joking around, but this guy is such a nitwit that I can't imagine that he was kidding. Such is the manner of this National disgrace in the White House. It truly makes me sad that we have such an ill-mannered boob in the same chair once occupied by Thomas Jefferson, Franklin Roosevelt and yes, even his father, whom I didn't always agree with, but at least had some...

CHICAGO (Reuters) - America's evangelical Christians who see "The Da Vinci Code" as Bible bashing at its worst are taking a cue from Hollywood to attack the story as well as capitalize on the hit novel's impending movie version. WASHINGTON - “The Da Vinci Code” struck a chord as a runaway best-selling book, but the film, which denies that Jesus is divine and portrays the Catholic Church as evil, has many conservative Christians storming the ramparts. “This isn’t just a little misguided theology, but a dagger in the heart of the Christian faith,” says Robert Knight, the director of the Culture and Family Institute. “I don’t think Christians ought to put down money for something that blasphemes the Lord.” So, later this week Knight and others will urge a nationwide boycott. CHICAGO (Reuters) - Across the United States on Saturday and Sunday, television viewers were to be offered "The Da Vinci Deception," an hour-long program produced by Dr. D. James Kennedy...

S aturday, Phillies pitcher Jon Lieber carried a perfect game into the seventh inning. Although he would go on to win the game, he lost the perfect game on an Adam Dunn single in the seventh inning after retiring the first 20 Reds batters he faced. It was an impressive performance, and it exposed another of our strange quirks that irritates the sensible and forward-thinking among us. While Lieber was in Cincinnati pitching a baseball game, those of us watching some 600 miles away were encouraged to keep quiet about the feat lest we jinx him. Ironically, a few hours ago, former major leaguer John Marzano was discussing that very thing on WIP, our sports talk station. For whatever reason, players, coaches, broadcasters, viewers, fans and even people watching on TV are not supposed to talk about pending no-hitters or perfect games because of the great possibility that mentioning the event will lead to its premature demise. My particular mistake was in watching the game in public. There...