My Sick Mind

I wanted to find some humor in this string - because humor is important, and nothing in life is devoid of humor — but I could not find real humor.  Like, a pie in the face or stepping in dog shit.  There was none of that. The things I remember are the rough times.  Like, when I was ironing shirts and pants for my week of work, and she said, “If you think I’m going to iron your shirts, you’ve got another think coming.” Well - there I was, with the iron in my hand - ironing.  What other “think” did I have coming? That was early on, and I should have figured it out. The time she told me, “I am disappoionted in you,” I had no idea what she was saying, only that she was probably comparing me to her father, which was both unfair and unjust. I never figured out who I was supposed to be, only that whenever we went for “a walk” I knew that there was something about my personality that she wanted to change. The sad part is that, perhaps I should have been the o...

OK, so — how does a relationship fall apart? Glad you asked. It falls apart gradually, until finally, the pieces cannot be sewn together. When it happens, you know it. I knew it, and the gradual effect was not evident until the end. It comes upon you gradually. One incident: I was sitting in a side room, listening (on headphones) to a song by David Sylvian. The lyrics got to me: I fall outside of her She doesn't notice I fall outside of her She doesn't notice at all And mine is an empty bed I think she's forgotten. I was weeping. She heard me, and came into the room. “What is it now?” She asked, in an accusatory tone. “You don’t love me anymore,” was my reply. A moment passed, and she just turned and walked out. My suspicions confirmed. Much later - or perhaps soon, I cannot recall - she had planned a trip to visit her old college roommate (see part one) and her now husband and their new baby in Houston. Being a child of the space program, I volunteered to accompany her. ...

It has been on my mind lately to write a bit about my married life, and how it became that way.  Much in the matter of a Tarantino film, I'll start from the middle and work my way in and out. Part One - The Sex Thing. OK, so I made some mistakes in my life -- I got married to a woman who turned out to be all about conforming to society and not the least bit interested in men, and my own instincts proved correct, but I ignored them in favor of the ... life. All along, I suspected that she wasn't fully "into it," but I persevered and thought that, no ... I  must be wrong -- there isn't enough evidence.  It's the Zapruder Film of relationships.  I knew what happened, I just couldn't PROVE it.  Every photo from her college years that I saw had a beer in her hand, surrounded by other students.  Damning, but no proof. Did she have to be "into it," or was your personal charm and commitment enough to sustain the relationship and prove to ...