My Sick Mind

I think I need to get more involved in this World Cup thing ... They're playing soccer, right? I think I'm rooting for Argentina.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Scientists are mystified at the carcass of a young beluga whale found in a river in central Alaska, nearly 1,000 miles from its natural ocean habitat. The first guess is the 8-foot-long whale, which often feed on fish in estuaries and the mouths of rivers, swam away from the ocean in search of food. "What are the alternatives?" asked Link Olson, curator of the University of Alaska Museum of the North. Mystified? One alternative is that the whale is a dumb ass. Have you ever seen a homeless person wandering the streets in search of food? Of course you have. Why is it so hard to believe that a whale could be demented enough to not understand where he is? C'mon Link, think outside the box. Meanwhile ... cats are going nuts... Jack, a 15-pound orange-and-white cat, cat sits under a treed black bear in a backyard in West Milford, N.J., Sunday, June 4, 2006. When the bear climbed down, the cat chased it up another nearby tree. Neighbor Suzanne Giovanetti th...

As most of you know, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger survived his brush with a windshield after crashing his motorcycle into an oncoming vehicle. As is natural in these situations, we seek to blame someone other than the people responsible, and that low-water point has sought and found Pennsylvania governor Edward G. Rendell, who repealed the helmet law to make it optional to wear them while riding. Twenty states have full helmet laws for all riders, including my home state of New Jersey. During his appearance on WIP's morning show today, the governor defended his position by saying that bikers expressed their concern thusly (paraphrased): "We're responsible adults - and when we're on a highway or a country road we want to be able to ride without a helmet. During the summer, a helmet is oppressive." He also went on to explain that he wants people to be able to make their own choices, as long as the government makes us aware of the risks involve...

Now, as it turns out, Ben Roethlisberger did not have a valid Pennsylvania motorcycle license. So, I guess that throws the whole helmet/no helmet debate out the window? Why bother wearing a helmet if you're not riding legally to begin with? Meanwhile, there's money to be wasted... ------------------------------- WASHINGTON - The government doled out as much as $1.4 billion in bogus assistance to victims of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, getting hoodwinked to pay for season football tickets, a tropical vacation and even a divorce lawyer, congressional investigators have found. Prison inmates, a supposed victim who used a New Orleans cemetery for a home address, and a person who spent 70 days at a Hawaiian hotel all were able to wrongly get taxpayer help, according to evidence that gives a new black eye to the nation's disaster relief agency. Is anyone surprized? Meanwhile, the White House has gay marriage back in its sights. Where are the priorities? ------------------------...

S tanding near an RV in the infield at a NASCAR race, the subject of soccer and the World Cup came up, quite unexpectedly. "What's the World Cup?" asked race fan Rich Possinger. OK, so he admitted he actually did know a thing about the world's biggest sporting event. But like many fellow Americans, Possinger was not setting aside time to watch the U.S. team, which took the field for its first game Monday. "I'm waiting for the bug to bite," he said, "and it hasn't yet." -------------------------------------------- An excellent question, Rich. What is the World Cup? Is it a lousy TV program, an idea whose time has not come and may never come or is it just another excuse for people to get together and drink? It's all of those things, and more . But the one thing it isn't is interesting to Americans. Somehow, big media and big business have not succeeded in forcing Americans to embrace a game that the rest of the world seems to love. A...

TABERNACLE, NJ - An invasion of gypsy moths has been destroying thousands of acres of New Jersey forests in the span of a month, setting the state up for its worst outbreak since the caterpillars defoliated 140,000 acres in 2001. And that's disrupting life for numerous Garden State residents, such as Bruce Long, who can't get the concrete patio around his pool clean. A power washer can't even get rid of the feces stains left by the gypsy moth caterpillars that invaded his yard, and the thousands of caterpillars he's killed cover his land. "It's like something out of a horror movie," the 55-year-old sales manager told Gannett New Jersey for Saturday's editions. "It's the grossest thing I've seen in my life." --------------------------------------------------------- Oh, my what a shame. Pooor Brucie can't keep his pool clean because the gypsy moths - that he probably chased out as a result of building his home in the woods - are ...