My Sick Mind

I don't watch NCAA basketball much during the regular season, but for some reason I watch almost non-stop during the tournament. It has nothing to do with wagering big bucks on pools. I'm only in two. One is with 3 other people over bragging rights (and lunch) at work and the other is over on Sparky's blog for some beer. I like to win, but neither of them detracts from my enjoyment of a good game, even if my pick loses. The action is on the TV on CBS, who has brought out their farm of announcers to broadcast the games. I'm guessing that the only reason most of these guys have a job is because there are 32 first-round games to show. Otherwise, they'd be at home watching on TV like I. Yesterday, a player named Young made a key basket, and the color man screamed, "Only the Young survive!" What? That doesn't make sense. They're so anxious to come up with the next big Al Michaels 'do you believe in miracles' quote that they reach (over-reach...

That's the advice I would offer to young people, which is probably why I'll never be asked to deliver a commencement address. The point is that you should never give up. Good things take time, and if you quit you'll never know the satisfaction of achievement. It took 8 years of evening classes at Widener for me to earn my Bachelor's Degree. Steadily, 3 or sometimes 6 credits at a time I kept at it, and eventually I had the 123 that I needed to get the degree. It wasn't going to happen as quickly as I wanted it to happen, but it surely did. So, don't give up. The prize is within your reach and your slow steady progression will lead to the result you seek. It may seem like it will take forever, but once you've realized your accomplishment, the time will have seemed short and the achivement will last a lifetime. Once you get it, they can't take it away from you.

Check your food products (including, but not limited to potato chips and pancakes), bath towels, steamed-up bathroom windows and worn out (but still useful) shoe soles for images of religious leaders, states or something loosely resembling a well-known public figure. You won't have to worry about attaining that pesky college education or fighting for that big promotion at work. Put your knowledge of abstract shapes to work and earn some big bucks that you can use to pay your big tax bill or fight off those bill collectors. Remember: Somewhere in the world there is a person who has money to spend on junk, and it's up to you to find them and exploit them. ----------------------------------------------------- I got an envelope in the mail today that said "Inside: A one-time money-saving opportunity for you." That's a lot of hyphens. I'd like to save money, so why wouldn't I open the envelope? I felt so special. Inside was an offer to extend my Consumer Rep...

Aside from the odd abdominal machine or "miracle" weight-loss device, the greatest money-making scam in the history of modern marketing is anything designed to improve ones golf game. There are too many devices to list here, and all of them claim to remove your slice, fix your putting stoke or lengthen your drives. Anything you can sell to men that lengthens anything is a sure-fire money maker. Mostly, what they do is improve the bank account of the people selling them. It says here that you can either play golf or you can't, and those who invest money on those devices are ignoring the fact that they should either take up another game or come to grips with the fact that they aren't very good at golf. Which brings to mind something else ... that quote I used on Thursday from "Broadcast News" ... Paul Moore : It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you're the smartest person in the room. Jane Craig : No. It's awful. The rea...

Well, go figure. The original giant Illinois-shaped corn flake has been removed from Ebola. When I clicked on the link, this message appeared ... This listing (110233337338) has been removed or is no longer available. Please make sure you entered the right item number. If the listing was removed by eBay, consider it canceled. Note: Listings that have ended more than 90 days ago will no longer appear on eBay . Oh, I entered the correct item number. You betcha. I checked it earlier today , and the bids were up to $200,000 and the "seller" had added some caveats that the "winner" must have at least 10 ratings as buyers or sellers. Now, another listing has been added with the same phony photograph of the flake and a dime. Only this time, the seller has a different eBay ID and the bidding starts at a dollar with 9 days remaining. Click here to see it, if you dare. One problem ... the caveats remained from the original ad, specifying Thursday as the end date. Thank you...

CHICAGO - The latest eBay bidding war has broken out over a piece of breakfast cereal that is touted as looking like the state of Illinois. Bids are being taken for the item listed by two sisters as “The Great Illinois Corn Flake”. They promise that the piece of cereal, from a box of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes, has undergone no alteration. Emily McIntire, 15, from Chesapeake, Virginia, said that she almost ate the 2-inch flake because she was rushing to get to school. “It was almost to my mouth, it didn't look like Illinois at first because it was held the wrong way,” she told reporters. She then noticed the resemblance and said: “Oh my goodness, it's Illinois.” Her 23-year-old sister, Melissa, said that their parents suggested selling it for fun. They are offering free shipping to Illinois. It's here , so you can post your bid. It's a shame if you don't live in Illinois, because you'll have to pay postage. What's it weigh - a tenth of an ounce? Biddin...

Happy St. Patrick's Day. I don't know what that means, but I felt compelled to say it. Today, everybody is Irish, which makes me think that something is about to explode. St. Patrick's Day is another one of those useless American "holidays" that is celebrated but not officially recognized by the Federal government. I noticed, when I was out on Saturday, that several revelers were already in full Patty's Day mode - with the green hats, green shamrocks and green beads. Most of them looked like bo-hunk's, but I digress. I'm confused. Half our time is spent telling people that we're supposed to be a melting pot, and that our differences are trivial. We're supposed to be worldly and accept people for what they are and who they are. The other half is spent telling us how different we are, as we celebrate Irish-Americans, Italian-Americans, Polish-Americans and every other [slash]American whose country of origin comes before the country to which t...

Brackets. Did you fill out your bracket? How's you bracket? Did you do a bracket? Do you want to get in our braket pool? Bracket ... bracket ... bracket ... bracket. The bracket pool. America's big springtime time-killing obscession between Valentine's Day and Memorial Day. Millions of hours wasted on filling in names of teams that none of us know anything about, except when it comes to the semi-finals, and Gonzaga is in the "Sweet 16" and we feel compelled to tell everyone, "I had them in my bracket." Good for you, buddy. Anything worth paying attention to is worth gambling on. Otherwise, we're only into drinking holidays like St. Patrick's Day and the day before Thanksgiving. The Philadelphia Inquirer, our local newspaper, had the audacity to print a blank bracket in Sunday's paper, expecting us to fill in the names of the teams as they were announced. Seconds after "The Selection Show" the names and filled-in brackets were av...