That clanging noise you heard today was me succumbing to social pressure and trading in my cable box for one of those DVR cable boxes so I could record programs that I wasn't able to watch. Because of social obligations and baseball games, I haven't been able to see one episode of The Office, and I missed the last episode of The New Adventures of Old Christine and FlashForward. I know, your heart bleeds for me.
So I bit down hard and decided to cough-up the $15.95 a month and go after the DVR box. Being new technology, there's a slight learning curve involved, but I'm able to adapt.
For instance, catching up on The Office costs me 99 cents per episode, while Christine episodes are free. What's up with that? So, I'm out another six bucks because I like Pam.
The plus side is that I can watch those programs sans commercials, except for the network ads, which, in the case of the CBS show, hyped up the ridiculous Survivor program that I have managed to avoid for over 10 years.
VOICEOVER: Jeff Probst is an Emmy winner for outstanding reality host.
JEFF: The tribe has spoken!
Really. Outstanding Reality Host is an Emmy category, and he's actually proud of that accomplishment. That's like being voted the best ballet dancer in Camden, New Jersey.
Then, I notice that there are a spate of movies available for a fee. All sorts, like 1st Time Twinks, Hung & Drill Bill and Hungry Ass Studs. Those are in the "adult" category, subset "Gay" folder. The one that the cable guide doesn't tell you about. Ten bucks. I don't know what a twink is, but I'm guessing it isn't about the first time someone tried a fried cake. Although, there may be cream in the middle, but I don't want to know about that.
Your first reaction might be one of horror, that regular cable outlets could be selling gay porn, but my first reaction was that there has to be money in it, otherwise they wouldn't bother. It's all about that 'privacy of your home' stuff that the Bill of Rights guaranteed us. They didn't say anything about ten bucks a throw, so that's for you to work out. They also didn't say anything about charging us to watch TV, so there ya go.
Otherwise, there's Quizzo, hosted by Johnny Goodtimes (not his real name) who asks absurdly easy questions; presumably to make us all feel better about being smarter than people who watch regular television or wouldn't be caught dead paying ten bucks for gay pornography - or at least wouldn't want it showing up on our cable bill.