My Sick Mind

Sometimes I wonder how we existed as a race prior to the invention of some modern conveniences. Life must have been such a horribly contrived inconvenience without a telephone in our pocket. How did we manage to survive before we had a microwave oven to cook meals in minutes? How did we ever meet anyone before the Internet served its purpose and matched people based on their preferences in life? Click on "slim, loves to travel and doesn't smoke" and you'll find your perfect mate. What a concept, yet people still fight, argue and separate. How is that possible with such highly advanced mating techniques? The recent allegations over Alex Rodriguez and his steroid abuse make me think about whether or not athletes were so much better before they took drugs? My immediate response is "no, they are not." So, why do they use drugs? The technology is available, so they use it, but pro sports struggles to catch up to legislate against something that may or may not ...

This Michael Phelps flap makes me giggle. Really. Out loud giggling. Why? Because it demonstrates so much about what is wrong and silly about American sports and celebrity. Swimming is a sport that, three weeks before the Olympics 90 percent of Americans barely knew existed and 99 percent of them couldn't name 2 professional swimmers. So, here comes the big TV event and the network hypes up this goofy looking kid from Baltimore and he starts winning races - against a bunch of other people that none of us knew existed. He broke Spitz's gold medal record and he's so popular that his mom is being interviewed by Bob Costas, after getting more TV face time than Oprah. When he comes home, he's glorified with parades and invitations to talk shows. We honor him more than we honor war veterans and life-saving airline pilots. By the way, how many product endorsement offers has Chesley Sullenburger received since he saved the lives of those people in US Airways Flight 1549? Ze...

I used to be able to write these at work. I'd jot some junk down in Microsoft Word and at lunch time, I'd paste it into the blog. Now, they've this Websense deal that keeps us from viewing photos, listening to streaming audio, personal web sites (like this one) and junk like YouTube and Facebook. Once in a while, it goes nutty and we can't even get into our personal e-mail. That's where most of us draw the line. I'll stay off Facebook, but if I can't read the latest appeal from the Emir of Saudi Arabia asking me to safeguard his personal fortune, I'm going to start complaining. Of course, I can still write them, but I can't post them until I get home. That cuts into my free time. It took 26 years, but the FBI has finally rounded up "Tylenol Man." For those of you too young to remember, pill bottles weren't always nearly impossible to open. In fact, they were amazingly easy to open until 1982, when some jackass poisoned Tylenol that k...

If you've come here looking for more photos of the grand snowstorm, I'm sorry to disappoint you. My morning commute is almost 100% on State highways, so pulling over for a nice photo-op is a life-risking proposition. The trees were snow-covered like the ones I posted last night and earlier today , so the glorious photos will have to wait until a weekend snowstorm. By the time I got through my morning meeting and headed out to lunch, the warmer temperatures had melted most of the scenery and the trees were back to normal. Temperatures this weekend will be in the 50s (that's right) so it will be more late winter stuff around here soon. Meanwhile, President Obama has decided that there shall be a salary cap on executives who apply for government bailout money. The same executives that he earlier declared were "shameful" and "the height of irresponsibility." So, what makes him think that these irresponsible executives will be held to the salary when i...

Partly because it's snowing and partly because I'm afraid to go outside (pussy), here are some more back deck photos in case I die in this mess during my morning commute, you'll have something to remember me by...

Day for night. I think it's the name of a Truffaut film. It's what filmmakers call shooting at night and making it look like daytime. To see it, check out the scene in "American Beauty" when Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) is interviewing for a job at Mister Smiley's. It was shot at night, but they blew lights through the windows to make it look like the afternoon. That's why you come here, for fascinating tidbits of info like that. You're welcome. Mr. Smiley's Manager: I don't think you'd fit in here. Lester Burnham: I have fast food experience. Mr. Smiley's Manager: Yeah, like twenty years ago! Lester Burnham: Well, I'm sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn. I don't know - maybe it's night for day? Whatever, it's snowing and I don't like it. Anyway, this is the view outsid...

Sorry to say I missed some of it. I fell asleep during the third quarter, before the heroics (or so I hear) and since I admitted as much at work today, I was greeted witht the blank stares of people who otherwise didn't care about the game until it got good. It was in all the papers though, so I heard as much as I needed to hear. As for Bruce, he was OK. He's losing his voice - the by-product of 30 years of screaming like a maniac. The lyric adjustment to "Glory Days" from speedball to Hail Mary was a questionable, I thought. I know, it's a football game and it's a song about baseball. We get it. It made me cringe. Actually, speedball made me cringe when I first heard it, as did the accompanying video where he tries to throw. Nobody calls it a speedball, unless you're hanging out with Richard Pryor. Stick to music, Bruce. The commercials were forgettable. I've seen enough talking babies. Let's move on. The one most people thought was good - t...

Do they still call today "Super Sunday?" That's so '80s, like when Up With People did the Super Bowl half time show - or before there even was a half time show. Super Bowl II (that's a 2) had the Grambling State University marching band at half time. That's ridiculous, having a marching band at a football game. Who ever heard of that? Football games are for Bono, Springsteen and tearing clothing. Like many of you, I am far less interested in this game than I am usually. Let's face it, if you aren't in an office pool or have money bet on the game, you probably don't care very much. No more interested than in a regular season game between the Cardinals and ... well, anybody. It's a TV show more than a football game at this stage. I'm always curious as to what the other networks are programming, and it usually isn't much. CBS has repeats of Cold Case, The Unit and The Mentalist , ABC is running 2 (or is it II?) repeats of something c...

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Since most of you are snowed-in or forced to deal with the Super Bowl, I'll offer up a few capsule movie reviews and recommendations. My taste in entertainment is a bit obscure, so maybe some of these films will be new to you: North Country - Charlize Theron plays Tomboy as Josey Aimes, one of the only women working the iron mines in Minnesota in the 1970s. She leads a group of similarly abused women in standing up against the oppression of their bosses. Frances McDormand and Woody Harrelson put in yeoman's work. Recommended. The Man Who Wasn't There - A Coen Brothers film noir starring Billy Bob Thornton as the almost comatose co-owner of a barbershop who gets caught up in a ponsey scheme to open up, of all things, a chain of dry cleaners. He tries to blackmail his wife's lover, but the scheme has unwanted consequences for all concerned. Frances McDormand again is stellar. Recommended, but don't watch it if you're sleepy. Burn After Reading - Another...

In the midst of what most people refer to as "this economy," I saw the news today that Eastman-Kodak, Boeing and Starbucks were letting thousands of people go. In Kodak's case, they're the victim of the digital age, and it's been a struggle for them over the past 10 years, but times change and if companies don't change, bad things happen. In the case of Starbucks, they're closing 600 shops - which should drop them down to about 15,500. According to their web site, "The stores identified for closure are spread across all major U.S. markets with approximately 70 percent of them opened since the beginning of fiscal 2006." The people running Starbucks are supposed to be a lot smarter than you or I (at least I) and I'd assume that they've heard all the jokes about a Starbucks being across the street from another Starbucks. I'm sure they have because they embrace the policy, saying that their customers prefer "same side of the stree...

SEE PHOTO AT RIGHT: As a frame of reference, this is how much snow it takes to close schools in Southern New Jersey. That's the view from my front porch at precisely 7:01am today. (Breathtaking, ain't it?) You can't tell, but the overnight snow had already changed over to rain and the schools had been closed for a few hours already - much to the glee of parents everywhere, who are now either stuck at home with their rotten kids or forced to find a place to store them so they can go to work. You're right if you think it's about an inch of snow. It was enough to send people into a mild panic and cause drivers of 4-wheel drive vehicles to drive slower than people in regular automobiles - like me. You're right if you're asking yourself why they bothered to buy the damned thing if they're going to drive it 15 miles per hour in an inch of snow. I yell at them through my windshield. It rained the rest of the day and it's raining a little even now, at...

So, this is how the blog looks on a keen 20" wide screen Dell LCD monitor? We got a bunch of these at work, and I was so impressed that I had to get one for myself. Mostly, I was impressed because they're kind of inexpensive and partly because I felt so "behind the curve" with my old 17" monitor. It's so 20th Century, but then, so am I. Meanwhile, a snowstorm of epic proportions is coming to New Jersey tonight. We might get 2 inches before it changes to rain and becomes a regular storm. I'm guessing that the grocery stores are jammed and all those shoppers with the giant SUVs are in a panic-stricken "must buy food" mode because they fear being snowed-in, making their expensive purchase useful. I've been wondering what I should buy to commemorate that great day last Tuesday, when Barack Obama became the 44th president. There's a lot of junk available, as you'd figure. Tonight, while mailing a package to a loved one, I spied this l...

I found myself watching the Screen Actors Guild Awards on Sunday night. Actually, I fell asleep in front of the TV and when I woke up, the show was on. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. I’m not big on awards shows anymore. I used to enjoy them, then this cynicism kicked in and I find them to be ostentatious. This one especially. It’s actors giving awards to other actors. As though the $5 million they made on the movie wasn’t enough, “Here’s a nice statue, too.” That ought to do it. Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cast … it’s almost endless. Each one standing up and thanking the rest of them for saying they’re great. We already know. It was only a few years ago that they stopped saying “The winner is” when they give out an award. Now, it’s politically correct to say “the Oscar goes to” or “the Actor goes to,” which is what the SAG presenters say. That’s so the losers aren’t offended because, as we know, it’s an honor just to be nominated. I think it’s mostly because a...

That is obviously an old photo of my furry friend. The trees aren't as green now, the skies are grey and I find myself yearning for baseball season. It's my favorite of him, since it has those "Thousand words" all over it that photos are supposed to have. He sits at my feet as I do these posts - almost every time - and I'm never sure whether he sits here because he loves me so much or because eventually I'll open a can of Fancy Feast for him. Maybe it's a little of both? It's not like he's my muse or anything, but he does offer that comfort that living alone sometimes lacks. I find myself thinking about the other living creature here besides myself and it's a little odd sometimes. He depends on me more than any human would, for obvious reasons (opposable thumbs being one and lack of a valid drivers' license the other) but it's nice to be able to have a creature here that I know I'll have to feed, clean up after and pay attentio...

One of the satisfying aspects of writing this blog is finding out what sorts of things elicit reactions from people. I thought that casting soccer in a negative light would lure a few roaches from under the cabinet. Some things are just too easy. Soccer fans are extremely self-protective, and when their game is under attack they rush to its defense. One reader encouraged me to contract a stomach virus and choke on my own vomit. Thanks for reading! Actually, it was not only an essay questioning the viability of soccer in America; it was also the damnation of spending taxpayer dollars on a sports arena. Academic economists have not found statistically significant relationships between various measures of economic growth and stadium construction, in spite of what pro-sports politicians like Ed Rendell would have you believe. The greater consequence is called the Substitution Effect, where consumer dollars are transferred from one activity to another, so the net effect of anything new is ...

Wow. Professional soccer is coming to Philadelphia. We don't actually have a team name or even a stadium yet, but it's coming. After New Jersey's legislature wisely rejected a proposal for funding, Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell decided to dedicate $47 million of state money toward this thing. Additional money was provided by the people who pay to cross the bridges into Pennsylvania by the Delaware River Port Authority (DRPA). $47 million for soccer while the country is choking on it's own vomit. Here's the way it's being promoted on their official web site : Picture this: It’s April of 2010 and it’s time for Philadelphia’s Major League Soccer franchise to make its long-awaited debut at the stunning 18,500-seat soccer-specific stadium along the historic Chester waterfront. Picture this: The stands are completely packed and the Sons of Ben are chanting in unison. Picture this: The players and coaches walk through the tunnel and onto the field to be greete...

Besides all of the obvious historical ramifications of Obama-mania, the underlying benefit is that we no longer have a president who makes us want to deny that we know who he is. Like the drunk uncle or that cousin who is constantly in jail, we don't have to stutter and stammer when someone asks about him. Bush wasn't our president unless we had to answer a question on a civics exam. Now (pinch me) we have a guy who we can actually look up to and respect. I'm guessing that the heads at the White House have been on a media-induced swivel, which may have prompted this event: WASHINGTON – After the flub heard around the world, President Barack Obama has taken the oath of office. Again. Chief Justice John Roberts delivered the oath to Obama on Wednesday night at the White House — a rare do-over. The surprise moment came in response to Tuesday's much-noticed stumble, when Roberts got the words of the oath a little off, which prompted Obama to do so, too. Don't worry,...

I'm too old and cynical to get worked up over a lot of things that excite the masses. Sports have taken on an entertainment aspect that allows me to approach them like a movie or TV show. I don't allow myself to get down if the home town team loses. I figure that Donovan McNabb doesn't care if I have a bad day at work, so I shouldn't care if he does. I can get happy, like I did over the Phillies winning the World Series. That's a mood elevator and I'm all for that. I don't boo the home team and never allow losses to affect my attitude. I have enough problems without compounding them with angst over the Eagles losing another NFC championship game. That same cynicism rules my feelings over politics, too. I vote in every election and always have firm opinions over my choices, but I seldom expect big changes to come from having my favorite candidate win. It seems like I've heard every promise for a better life and I can't point to any of them making a...

Another thing comes to mind when I reminisce about my hospital experience. They went through a lengthy question and answer session over my medical history, which is completely understandable. However, once they got to the "what other pills or medications are you taking?" part, I went into my extensive vitamin and supplement routine which includes: Flax seed oil capsules Red Yeast Rice Vitamin C (Ester-C) Creatine Chewable fiber tablets and a Vitamin and mineral supplement. They seemed to know what vitamin C was, but had to ask me to spell some of the others. I take the flax seed oil because it has Omega 3 oils, which are good for my cholesterol (and fish oil capsules repeat on me) as well as the Red Yeast Rice, which alone is responsible for dropping my number from 22o to 160. I realized midstream that they didn't know what either one of these things are, and the reason is that they aren't made by Pfizer, Glaxo or Merck. Their world begins and ends with prescriptio...