Thursday, January 22, 2009

Soccer? I don't even know her.

Wow. Professional soccer is coming to Philadelphia. We don't actually have a team name or even a stadium yet, but it's coming. After New Jersey's legislature wisely rejected a proposal for funding, Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell decided to dedicate $47 million of state money toward this thing. Additional money was provided by the people who pay to cross the bridges into Pennsylvania by the Delaware River Port Authority (DRPA). $47 million for soccer while the country is choking on it's own vomit.
Here's the way it's being promoted on their official web site:
Picture this: It’s April of 2010 and it’s time for Philadelphia’s Major League Soccer franchise to make its long-awaited debut at the stunning 18,500-seat soccer-specific stadium along the historic Chester waterfront.
Picture this: The stands are completely packed and the Sons of Ben are chanting in unison.
Picture this: The players and coaches walk through the tunnel and onto the field to be greeted by the raucous sellout crowd.
Picture this: Everyone in the stadium is donning the club’s logo and colors.
Picture this: In the middle of the worst recession in memory, a new sports franchise is being trotted out.
Picture this: It isn't a sport that Americans like.
Picture this: The DRPA has spent millions of bridge toll dollars to help build a stadium in one of the biggest slums in the area. They rub our noses in it by building the stadium at the foot of one of the bridges (see photo).
Picture this: When forced to decide between baseball, football (American football), hockey, basketball or paying their mortgage, we choose one of the above.
Picture this: Five years from now the place is a weed-infested memory and people who drive by it will wonder how we were so misguided.
I love the way soccer keeps trying to force its way into our lives and we resist. Like that girl that likes you but you don't like, and she keeps calling and sending you e-mail's until finally, you decide to take her out because your friends tell you "she'll be good for you," and you figure that maybe there's something there that you don't see, and you trust your friends because she seems really nice.
But then, in the middle of it you realize why you never asked her out and you're sitting there with a big dinner check and nothing to say.
You talk to your friends and they say, "but isn't she great?" and you say, "Well, no ... we sat there for two hours and nothing happened."
They don't understand because they like her and they can't figure out why you don't.
Soccer is like that.


billythekid said...

I'm in the UK and I don't 'get' the hype with football(association football).

I think you're right there are better ways to spend money but since when have politicians and those in charge of directing funds been interested in that?


Mark Dunfee said...

Promise to write a retraction 5 years from now?

Backhand said...

I'm an American Philly sports fan...and I love soccer. I welcome this team with open arms.

Handsome B. Wonderful said...

I guess I'm in the minority as I really like soccer (football).

Bryan_SoB said...

You should really see a game live, with supporters, before making a decision. Just like hockey, soccer is a horrible TV sport for those trying to learn the game.

I like your comparison point, try this one on. Football games are "60 minutes" long. The average NFL game contains about 120 actual plays, which take an average of six seconds each. That's 720 seconds of play, or 12 minutes. Meanwhile, the average NFL game in total takes three hours to play. This means that a regular-season game contains 12 minutes of action, and 168 minutes of inaction, largely comprised of what Mickey Charles, CEO of, describes as "commercials, time outs, the walking around, replays, getting up off the turf, dances in the end zone and injury delays."

A soccer game is 90 minutes, each team only has 3 subs, haltime is 15 minutes, and the ref adds injury time back on to the clock so that a 90 minute game is very close to being played for 90 minutes at it's conclusion.

Davey said...

With any luck YOU'LL choke on YOUR own vomit, 10 minutes after the Doctor gives you the stomach cancer diagnosis.

Kate Michele said...

Man u write one thing and all the ants come out of the wood work :-P


Anthony said...

OK, Son of Ben: What makes you think I haven't seen a game live?

Davey: Red card for you.

Anthony said...

Mark: A retraction of what? My opinion?

Firestarter5 said...

I played soccer for 10 years. It's painful to watch it on television. Their biggest downfall is the 'acting' they go through when someone even comes within 6 inches of them and one player falls. Like so many have said before, it's like these guys have been hit with a surface to air missile the way they tumble to the ground and writhe in excruciating pain while holding onto one of their ankles only to walk away 2 minutes later as if nothing happened. THAT is the downfall of professional soccer. No one doubts their level of fitness and skill, it's their horrendous acting that turns people off.

Anthony said...

That, and the painful act of watching it on TV. Kicking the ball back and forth? I'd rather listen to William Hung.
Eventually, somebody has to score a goal to make it interesting. That inside stuff that soccer fans praise is lost on the majority of TV viewers.

Brandy taking her top off was the 15 seconds they should have focused on.