Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Here We Go Again

It's the third Tuesday in January. The Sixteenth day of the year. Nothing special, right? Au Contraire. It's a big day in history. For instance:
in 1547, Ivan the Terrible became the Tsar of Russia. No relation to George the Jackass, Tsar of America.
In 1909, Ernest Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole. Like we wouldn't have found it anyway. The guy had a heavy coat and a big magnet. Finding things was a lot easier when we didn't know where anything was.
In 1581, the English Parliament outlawed Roman Catholicism. Another great idea whose time has come.
In 1919, the 18th Amendment of the Constitution was ratified, authorizing Prohibition. A dark day in our history. What a colossal waste of time. Have a drink to celebrate.
It's the birthday of Sade (pronounced Shar-day), Kate Moss (pronounced Kate Moss), A.J. Foyt and Susan Sontag. Got the day off work?
Those aren't even the biggest things about Tuesday. If you have watched Fox (not the News, the regular Fox, where football and Homer Simpson live) you would know that Tuesday is the beginning of yet another scourge on America, equal only to Prohibition and Ivan the Terrible in its scope.
Today, the 190th episode, and the beginning of the 6th season of ... wait for it... 3 - 2 - 1 ... American Idol (formerly known as American Idol: The Search for a Superstar), which is seemingly easier than the search for the South Pole. Oh, my fucking God. Tuesday begins the quest for another great star, in a country that is apparently starved for them. After all, where would entertainment be if it weren't for Clay Aiken, Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard and Carrie Underwood? We'd be forced to listen to any number of other people who can also sing, but lacked the talent to win a contest on TV.
It's quite the franchise, I have to admit. Millions of Americans, starved for any sort of entertainment (including bad singing) will tune in to see people ridiculed in front of a National audience. That's Entertainment!
What else is on? In a brilliant counter-programming move, ABC is presenting America's Funniest Home Videos; which features idiots caught dismembering themselves on camera, pants falling down while dancing at weddings and all sorts of nutty pets doing nutty things. NBC is showing Dateline NBC and a repeat of Law and Order. Brilliant! Why not just show a blank screen? Over at CBS, they are showing The Unit and NCIS, which stands for Nobody Cares, It's Stupid. In network TV parlance, this is called, "Saying 'Uncle'". Just like those programs that are on opposite the Super Bowl or the Academy Awards. Network TV Time-Fillers.
Other than Bravo's marathon of Real Housewives of Orange County, the best choice may be over on MSNBC, where Countdown with Keith Olbermann will give you an idea of what millions of American women find irresistible. Or, maybe just one.
So, brace yourselves, America. We're in for another 13 weeks of non-stop nonsense, which begins with infuriatingly bad singers being insulted by a guy who was a complete unknown before he found a career insulting bad singers on TV. Then, we're off to the races, where the next big superstar will swing, gyrate and sing, sing, sing! Oh my God, the singing! Nobody can sing like those Idol contestants!
Thank God and Fox (two different things) for bringing us one more hip, talented celebrity to clog up CD racks, do stupid car commercials and create jobs for people who would otherwise be working in record stores or driving limousines. I can't wait.
Oooooh! AMC is showing Back to the Future ... Part 3! Pass the popcorn.
A special 'thank you' to Daniel Rubin at blinq for giving me a link.

11 comments:

Anthony said...

Oh boy. Two days after I opened the blog up to all comments. Nice profile.

I tried dialing that number, there's too many digits.

For the record, yes, I like pretty girls, but I have a thing for run-on sentences. Got any girls who know about punctuation?

Pam said...

ROFLMAO!! From the post AND your first comment!

I just don't get the appeal. Of American Idol that is. I get the appeal of Keith Olbermann ;-).

The sad thing is that millions of American will vote for the Idol but not in general elections. Given your last post, maybe it's because they think their votes will actually count on the tv show?

Anthony said...

They think their votes count on the show, but I think I said somewhere else around here that I don't believe they really do.

How else to figure that tens of thousands of contestants could possibly come down to Ruben Studdard? The results are pre-determined. It's a TV show, first and foremost.

Me said...

How do you do it? You always make me laugh. TV programming today is based on our own Pravda, which was modeled after the Romans.
How did they control the potential unruly masses? Simple. Games & food. Toss a little bread to 'em and have the Gladiators murder each other. Oh, and throw in a few believers alongside a few hungry carnivores, and there you go. Great way to keep your mind off how your own government is fucking you over. Bread & games. Works every single time.

Anthony said...

It happens everywhere, O-Broad. Even at my shitty place of employment, they "allowed" employees to wear Eagles football gear on Friday in "celebration" of the playoff game. Bread and Circus, I call it.

Distract people from the real issues, and suddenly their lives look good.
The Redskins used to call it the Misdirection Play. Send the offensive line one way, and run the ball the other. It fools the defense -- and the public.

Anthony said...

Oh ... and, ya gotta laugh to keep from crying.

Anonymous said...

Well it's an important day in my family today...

January 16, 1995 my first godchild was born... ;-) Her name is Sabryna...

If you're not Catholic, you'll have to google..godchild.. ;-) so that makes me her godmother...

kimmyk said...

As I sit here with my two teens watching AI, I'm wondering why I do this to myself.

My ears are bleeding.

Anthony said...

Ah, the joys of parenting. If my cat made me watch that junk, he'd be fishing line right now.

I'm guessing 50% of sets in use are subjecting themselves to that nonsense. Meanwhile, Olbermann is wallowing in cable Hell.

Sparky Duck said...

amazing that a misdirection play is also called a trap isnt it?

Though in my fevered hell, I did have to peek at Idol, sorry

Susan said...

Always entertaining, as usual, Anthony! Thanks for all the smiles and thought-provokingness. I just noticed your new profile tag line - very fun :)