ATTLEBORO, Mass. -- Tag, you're out! Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase games during recess for fear they'll get hurt and hold the school liable. Recess is "a time when accidents can happen," said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.
If I had a kid in the Attleboro school system, I'd yank him out and home-school him, starting today. I don't think the school has the best interests of the kids at heart, and if they had any guts, this is the letter that would have been sent home with junior and his fat ass:
Dear Parent,
In response to a great deal of self-imposed fear, we have decided to ban running around outside on school playgrounds. It's not that the kids scare us, but what we are really afraid of is being sued. If the kids enjoy playing "unsupervised chase games", they can do it on their own time. We enjoy leaving the kids unsupervised. It gives us a much needed break from all that screaming and running around. Kids should be made to sit still, and we're going to do our part to see that it happens.
We're not here to baby-sit your kids, or even educate them. We're here because the state says we have to be. And, if we are forced to host your kids for 6 hours a day, then we're going to tie them to their desks and make sure they get home in the same fat, stupid and protected shape they were in when you gave them to us.
When they're 18, and are relieved of our care, they will be your responsibility (or some college, where they won't have nearly the tools or social skills to survive) but you'll be paying for it, so screw you, too. We're no longer responsible.
I know what you're saying, "You played 'tag' at school when you were a kid, and nothing bad happened to you!" Well, you're wrong. I was physically touched (or tagged, as we so naively called it) several hundred times by both boys and girls, and quite frankly, the events left me scarred, to the point that I am no longer able to play tag. I find it immature and childish, for which I hold the educational system responsible.
We cannot tolerate the risk that a child could incur a minor injury by running or touching another child. Those injuries, while seemingly minor to the child, could severely impact our school budget with costly lawyer's fees and the accompanying insurance premiums. You wouldn't want us to have to raise your taxes, would you?
To show our compassion and understanding of this now-serious issue, I am enclosing a coupon for 10% off at your local Electonics Boutique, where I am sure you can find a touch football video game or some sort of virtual-reality tag that your children can play, where the only potential injuries will be to their self-esteem and cadrio-vascular systems, both treatable with prescription medication.
Sincerely,
Gaylene Heppe, The Guardian of Your Kids
(for 6 hours a day)
If I had a kid in the Attleboro school system, I'd yank him out and home-school him, starting today. I don't think the school has the best interests of the kids at heart, and if they had any guts, this is the letter that would have been sent home with junior and his fat ass:
Dear Parent,
In response to a great deal of self-imposed fear, we have decided to ban running around outside on school playgrounds. It's not that the kids scare us, but what we are really afraid of is being sued. If the kids enjoy playing "unsupervised chase games", they can do it on their own time. We enjoy leaving the kids unsupervised. It gives us a much needed break from all that screaming and running around. Kids should be made to sit still, and we're going to do our part to see that it happens.
We're not here to baby-sit your kids, or even educate them. We're here because the state says we have to be. And, if we are forced to host your kids for 6 hours a day, then we're going to tie them to their desks and make sure they get home in the same fat, stupid and protected shape they were in when you gave them to us.
When they're 18, and are relieved of our care, they will be your responsibility (or some college, where they won't have nearly the tools or social skills to survive) but you'll be paying for it, so screw you, too. We're no longer responsible.
I know what you're saying, "You played 'tag' at school when you were a kid, and nothing bad happened to you!" Well, you're wrong. I was physically touched (or tagged, as we so naively called it) several hundred times by both boys and girls, and quite frankly, the events left me scarred, to the point that I am no longer able to play tag. I find it immature and childish, for which I hold the educational system responsible.
We cannot tolerate the risk that a child could incur a minor injury by running or touching another child. Those injuries, while seemingly minor to the child, could severely impact our school budget with costly lawyer's fees and the accompanying insurance premiums. You wouldn't want us to have to raise your taxes, would you?
To show our compassion and understanding of this now-serious issue, I am enclosing a coupon for 10% off at your local Electonics Boutique, where I am sure you can find a touch football video game or some sort of virtual-reality tag that your children can play, where the only potential injuries will be to their self-esteem and cadrio-vascular systems, both treatable with prescription medication.
Sincerely,
Gaylene Heppe, The Guardian of Your Kids
(for 6 hours a day)
10 comments:
ROFL!
How witty and clever!
Bravo!!!
I play dodge ball with my son and several of his friends and their dads. You should see the look of glee when they nail their own father. Healthy aggression release is needed in the country today. I think if more students were taught that LIFE is NOT FAIR and you have to deal with it, then we would have less issues with crime. It all relates back to the game of tag. :)
I guess if recess is "a time where accidents can happen" then they'll have to ban PE class too. Have they ever SEEN a game of dodgeball? I was injured more in PE (because I was uber competitive) than at recess. Geesh!
I'm so with you Anthony!! There's an obesity problem in kids?? Gee can't imagine why!!
Ha! I love it. And it is true. They show movies as a reward now (personally I think they'd worry about copyright infringement)...what about a nice game of tag or extra recess? It only takes 15 minutes vs. 2 hrs.
We did homeschool for 2 yrs...until we moved to a district that still has tag.
Kids will have to come to school in bubble suits so that they won't get hurt getting off the bus or coloring.
I'm so glad my children are older, but good lord people. Kids will be kids-let 'em.
I'm with YSB-bubble suits are gonna be the fashion wave of the future. *rolling my eyes*
that is so messed up. i almost the piece you pulled from the newspaper was a joke. i kept thinking, "there's no way!"
LIFE is a time when accidents can happen. there's a reason that kids run and play like that - wonder are they supposed to do instead? sit nicely and hope that all of the pent up energy is somehow magically released? sheesh.
what gets me the most is that parents aren't screaming about this.
supergirl: Nope, it's for real. It's happened in other cities, too. I'm guessing you clicked on the blue link at the top for the story.
Parents aren't screaming because they are the ones who used to have the "Baby on Board" signs on their car, so this is the natural extension of that nonsense.
YSB: They can color, but only with stubby crayons.
Geesh, indeed.
this parent will scream about this. our education system is so whacked!!
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