My Sick Mind

Another of the ancillary effects of the Thursday Thirteen (am I dwelling?) are the responses I got to my rather quirky list of quirks. Although I wasn't surprised to find many comparisons to a certain Mr. Monk, I was interested in the response to one particular quirk. The peeing in public. Since almost al l of the TT participants were women, allow me to educate my readership on the issues involved with men peeing both standing and in the company of other men. For me, it is the company that is the issue, as I have been peeing standing for almost five decades. As my female bloggers may not know, there are significant issues involved in peeing in the company of men. So much so, that it even as a medical term attatched to it. Paruresis ...also known as pee shy, shy kidney, bashful bladder or shy bladder syndrome is a type of social anxiety disorder , that can affect both men and women, in which the sufferer is unable to urinate in the (real or imaginary) presence of others, such as in...

In the aftermath of the tumult and glory that is the Thursday Thirteen , I found myself wondering about what I would post on Friday. The TT is a difficult act to follow, especially when one considers that it gifted me with over 100 unique visitors between late Wednesday and Thursday. To all who viewed and posted, thanks , even though some of you may not return until next Thursday. And thanks, Carmen , for the link to the little boxy thingy at the bottom. It was worth the effort. Meanwhile , I scoured the news in search of a muse when, to my amazement, right there in my e-mail box was an ad for Abercrombie and Fitch , a store that I shop in when either drunk or stupid, since the prices of the clothes are way too much for my meager income and tastes. [My preference is the clearance rack at American Eagle or Aeropostale ] . Sometimes the most obvious place becomes the last place we look. The ad I received was for the new Abercrombie shirts for men and sweaters for women. I like ...

Thirteen Little Quirks Don't Judge 1. Shaking Hands. I'm starting to get a little goofy about shaking hands. When a stranger shakes my hand, I am uneasy until I can find a chance to wash. 2. Door Handles. Likewise. I usually grip the handle someplace where I think others aren't. When I can, I push with my elbow or closed fist. I don't get sick much, either. 3. I trim my underarm hair. I think that's good for everyone involved. 4. Change . I almost never use change. If something is $1.01 and I have a nickel, they're not getting it. Take a penny, leave a penny? Go ahead, I have a change jar to maintain. 5. Penmanship and spelling. A high priority. If you saw my handwriting, you would know what I mean. Strangers compliment me on it. I look at it as both artwork and a courtesy to the people I'm communicating with that they can read and comprehend whan I'm doing. The downside is that I can never get away with anything based on not being able to read my handw...

That's right, I said funk . When life is kinda empty and you're feeling kinda blue, Just remember whatcha wanna write, or say or do. Jot down a note, or just a thought to get you through the day. Or if you've got a phone, no need to write, just need to say. Unless of course, Audioblogger starts funking with you. That's right, I said funking . With Audioblogger you can post audio to your blog from any phone. Just dial a number and speak. The audio will automatically be posted! So they say. I wanted to set up a cool audio account like our 21st Century Blogger buddy Kimmyk , who filed a post from the airport. However, it seems that not only is Audioblogger a little ornery, but it has a personality as well. Here's the error screen: My favorite part is the "Ummm" at the beginning. A slightly apologetic Audioblogger. Although I'm not sure the problem is with my blog. I'm very possessive, and I think the problem is with you . I'm working on it....

NEW YORK, Sept 25 (Reuters) - Tampa Bay B uccaneers quarterback Chris Simms will be out of action indefinitely after having his spleen removed but his NFL career is not in jeopardy, team officals said on Monday. The Bucs lost 26-24 to the Carolina Panthers on Sunday. Apparently, this is part of the Bucaneers' new Incentive Program. Lose a game, take a body part. Simms was lucky. The next time, it's the gall bladder. Five losses: ki dney. Then, they start getting serious. I see that Condoleezza Rice is in the news (really), with s uppositio ns about whom she may be dating, if anyone. I hear she spilled what's left of her guts to 60 Minutes on Sunday. I was passed out by then, so I'm taking Yahoo News' word for it. For fun, I ran her profile through match.com, and came up with several potential suitors for the Secretary of State. First, most obviously, was this young man. Apparently he is some sort of royalty, as he goes by the moniker of Prince of Dar...

For those of you sufficiently pissed at the prospects of having marketing messages sent to your mobile phone via text message, as detailed in yesterday's post, here's some contact info for the Mobile Marketing Association: Mobile Marketing Association 75 Manhattan Drive, Suite 204 Boulder, Colorado 80303 +1.303.415.2550 (Phone) +1.303.499.0952 (Fax) mma@mmaglobal.com Executive Director Laura Marriott laura.marriott@mmaglobal.com Let 'er rip!

While watching the LPGA Long's Drug Challenge coverage yesterday on The Golf Channel, I found out that the correct pronounciation of Kelli Kuehne 's surname is 'keeney'. Kelli keeney is kind of fun to say. All this time, I thought it was kune or keen . Somehow, I like her a little more now that her name is Keeney . Have I been pronouncing Clay Aiken's name correctly the entire time? I hope so, because even if I haven't, I don't think it would make me like him more. Maybe it's pronounced Asshat ? Meanwhile... Keep your cell phone number to yourself. The ads are coming. CHICAGO - Get ready for the inbox on your phone to fill up faster. From fast-food chains to carmakers to consumer goods manufacturers and sports franchises, more and more companies are adopting text messaging as a way to target consumers on the move. The practice has taken off in the past year and appears a trend ready to explode, according to Gerry Purdy, an analyst for Frost and Sullivan...

For the third year in a row, American Idol , Fox's ratings winner, will command the highest advertising prices on television, with a 30-second spot going for $500,000 to $700,000 , Advertising Age reported Thursday. The network will charge the most during Tuesday night's performance show, with Wednesday night's results show remaining the second-most pricey hour of TV. This estimate doesn't include, of course, what advertisers will end up paying for 30 seconds of commercial time during Idol 's finale. Companies ponied up $1.3 million for spots this year. It's hard for me to imagine that marketers are getting their money's worth out of a half million dollars for an advertisement. During the commercials, I'm imagining most people on the phone to their friends complaining about the one who didn't advance or cheering about the one who did. Watching a Gap ad may be the last on the list of priorities that may include: A bathroom break (for pur...

So, enjoy this little video from the good (free) folks at YouTube.

In addition to this being the first day of autumn, today also marks the first full day that Christmas cards are available at my local shopping mall, and I suppose yours, too. The card clerks at the little Hallmark shop were stocking the shelves yesterday. Hurry and get them - they'll be gone by Hallowe'en . The mall was empty Thursday night, and walking around gets me to thinking. Not just about Ruth's Hallmark and the Yankee Candle Company , but also about Aeropostale . How can they have a 50% off clearance sale? Apparently, we are paying way too much for that stuff to begin with. There are lots of people on the phone, and at least five stores selling them. Important calls are being made in front of the Borders book store. "Should I pick up that McGreevey book for ya? ... hello ... hello ... hello?" I suppose the answer was "no". The Auntie Anne's pretzel may be the ultimate comfort food. THEIR SLOGAN: SPOILING DINNER SINCE 1988. I THINK...

My 13 Favorite TV Shows Rules: No sports, no reruns and only national shows qualify. The list may change during the new season, since it looks like there are some good shows coming. Since there are fewer sitcoms than ever, and I'm not a fan of the reality shows, this list was harder to compile than I thought. 1. My Name is Earl . The best ensemble cast on TV. Each one perfectly suited to their character. Jaime Pressly plays the best drunk in the history of television. If you're a Survivor viewer, time-shift Earl and soon, you'll be time-shifting Survivor. 2. The Late Show with David Letterman . The first half-hour is just about the funniest thing on TV. I've always preferred Dave over Jay. Jay strikes me as too phony-show biz, and belongs in L.A. 3. The Simpson's. It's slipped a little recently, but still shines. 4. Curb Your Enthusiasm. I don't have HBO, so I have to catch up with this by buying the DVDs. I'm always a year behind, but it doesn't...

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens, who broke his hand in Sunday night's game against Washington, had a plate screwed into the bone attached to his right ring finger during an operation Monday evening. A plate? I think he'd be better off having a knife and fork screwed in there. Meanwhile , Pete Rose is signing balls like the one pictured above. They are being auctioned off by one of these grubbing auction houses. Originally, they were signed for Pete's buddies, who were supposed to be collectors, but found a way to cash in. If only he had signed the Dowd Report that way, he'd be in the Hall of Fame by now. Maybe some other high-profile goofball celebrities could start signing stuff, too: DICK CHENEY - I'm sorry I shot that guy in the face. And, stop by the house, I'll reimburse you for the gasoline. PARIS HILTON - I apologize for being so famous and not really having any discernable skills. GEORGE W. BUSH - I apologize for being president and not re...

Hopelessly addicted, and at such a (relatively) young age. I spend countless minutes in front of the You Tube, gazing and searching. On Saturday, I found a rare (or, not so rare now) video of the complete "Supper's Ready" - the 23 minute opus that appeared on side 2 of the Genesis album Foxtrot , circa 1972. An epic masterpiece from my young-adulthood, and there it was in all its glory. I understand that it probably means little to you, but I got a little misty-eyed. I tried to post a couple of videos on the blog and found that there is some compatibility issue between the You Tube and the Blogger Beta A problem with Beta - what else is new? Having seen You Tube videos on others' Blogs, naturally I inquired. What could the matter be? My buddy (and recently annointed Blogger Superhero) Pam clued me in on the proper approach. So, here's the little ditty I was going to post on Saturday. It's no Genesis, but it's pretty damned funny, and about 20 minutes shor...

I’m not your typical football fan. I’m not your typical anything , but football in particular. I don’t take the games as anything more than entertainment. When my team loses, it’s a story with a bad ending, nothing more. However, folks around here view a loss as a personal attack, and yesterday was a Giant kick in the stomach. The Eagles blew a 17-point lead with 14:40 left in the game as the New York Giants snatched out an improbable 30-24 win in front of 69,241 fans Sunday at Lincoln Financial Field. Some fans leaving the game were interviewed by our local newspaper. "Absolutely disgraceful," said Mary Agnes Sullivan , 74, of Blackwood . "I've never been embarrassed to be an Eagles fan until today. My great-grandson could have coached better in the third quarter than that arrogant (Eagles head coach) Andy Reid . He should apologize to the fans for what he did today." "It's not (expletive deleted) fair," said Ashley Colina...

Crank up your speakers! Electricity In The Air - video powered by Metacafe

One thing I really enjoy is good hypocrisy . Recently, the folks at Yahoo Sports ran a story detailing some indescretions by former University of Southern California running back Reggie Bush, now a player for the NFL's New Orleans Saints. The story went into some detail about Reggie allegedly (there's that word again) accepting gifts from agents. The NCAA, in its infinite wisdom, forbids athletes from accepting gifts of cash or material from anyone, lest their golden image be tarnished. The story went like this: New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush insisted Friday he and his family have done nothing wrong, responding to allegations that they accepted gifts, money and other benefits worth more than $100,000 from two marketing agents during his career at Southern California. "I'm not worried about any of these allegations or anything like that, because I know what the truth is, like I said from day one," Bush said after a Saints practice. "Once the smok...

Here's a photo of the earth taken from space. It's a familar location, and if you've been there, I'm sure you were impressed. Take a guess in the comments section and check back to see if you're right.

The National Football League is moving closer to world domination every day. Forget about the crisis in the Middle East and the threat of terrorism, the real threat to our way of life is coming from the NFL. The top-rated TV show last week was Sunday night's Manning vs. Manning match-up on NBC, with 15,730,000 viewers nationwide. Seven of the top 20 programs last week were NFL games or pre-games. There is an entire network devoted to the games, called appropriately, the NFL Network . Hey, nobody said they were creative geniuses, just bent on world domination. There are games on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Thursday. This Thanksgiving there are 3 games on, instead of the usual 2, because you can't have a holiday without 24-hour football. Tuesday at 10am, the Philadelphia Eagles drove another nail into my cynical coffin. They placed on sale an additional 1,500 seats for each home game. Eagles games are sold-out, and season tickets are harder to come by than Elton John's girl...

Speaking of guys who need a shoe piece... PORT ST. LUCIE, Florida - A 77-year-old local man who reportedly admitted looking up women's skirts for 13 years, was arrested Monday in connection with an incident last month at a Wal-Mart SuperCenter in St. Lucie West. You have to watch out for those "local men". I don't approve of releasing his name, since he "reportedly" looked up their skirts, so in the interest of fairness, and the assumption that one is innocent until proven guilty... He told investigators that he had been looking up women's skirts without their knowledge for about 13 years. He said he used a mirror from the stores to stare up their skirts. It seems as though our man doesn't hold up well under questioning. As his ersatz lawyer (I'm an accounting grad, but WTF) I would have advised him to keep his pie hole shut. Cop to the Wal-Mart incident, pay your fine and move on. Police learned of [the assailant] after a woman found him...

13 Little Things That Aggravate Me 1. SUVs and big 4WD trucks that tap their brakes going over railroad tracks. What's the point of having these house-sized vehicles if they can't go over a little bump? 2. SUVs and big 4WD trucks . 3. Pitchers that can't bunt . They have nothing else to during their 4 days off. Why not learn to handle a bat? 4. Signed golf balls . I don't understand the signed golf ball. It's too small and bumpy. It seems like they're forcing the whole "signed ball" concept that works well with baseball and football. A little odd. 5. Size "XL" thongs . Please, don't encourage these people. They can't see what we can. 6. Gas Station Attendants. My fuel goes in on the passenger's side, and the attendants are so lazy that they won't come over to my window to serve me. Rather, they make me put down the right-side window and order across the car. A good shoe piece would straighten them out. 7. Lance Armstrong...