My Sick Mind

I know that banking is a business (or industry, depending upon your source) and that competition is fierce, but do we really need this ? For those of you with either poor eyesight or who live outside the Philadelphia metropolitan area, Citizens Bank is running a promotion, the ad for which appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer this week, and is shown above. For the record, it says: Come to any Citizens bank branch today to enter the Citizens Bank Lucky Zero Home Equity Sweepstakes. It goes on to say that "you can't lose" and that all you have to do is mail in your "lucky" card and you'll have a chance at one of the 15 grand prizes of 0% APR Home Equity Loans. But, you'll have to hurry! Perhaps you can click on it and read it in its larger form. I scanned it from the newspaper ad and posted it here, more for the sake of posterity than accuracy. They are running a scratch-off game, in which contestants (i.e. customers) can go into a local Citizens Bank br...

Try as I might, I couldn't stay away from my favorite form of self-expression. I was watching a special "Friday Night Edition of Monday Night Football" on ESPN, when the sheer absurdity of the title prompted me to turn off the T V and seek refuge here. I ran to the Stat Counter to see how many readers I had today, and I was once again drawn to the methods with which people stumble upon this little portal. Among them: Paula Creamer hairy arm man pours gasoline on wife in t-mobile store Dallas sucks T.O. swallows and, the ubiquitous Cecily Tynan. A suggestion to the web searchers: Use the quotation ma rks. It will narrow down your search, since I'm quite sure I've never written about Paula's arms nor a T-Mobile gasoline incident. As far as Cecily is concerned, there seems to be a lot of interest - almost all of it somewhere in the greater Philadelphia region, so I can't help but wonder if it's one of her "people" checking to see what the Blogo...

BIRMINGHAM , Ala. - A federal judge has temporarily barred a producer from selling songs recorded by "American Idol" winner Taylor Hicks when he was still just a gray-haired bar crooner from Alabama. A sworn statement by Hicks' attorney, Michael J. Douglas, said the recordings were poor-quality demos. Distributing them could damage Hicks' reputation in the music industry and cause him "immense irreparable financial harm," the statement said. They should have thought of that before they recorded that lame Ford commercial - which I notice is still using the same music, sans the scratchy voice and lame twitchy-spinning dancing. Hicks' suit says the songs were recorded in 1997, but Smith said Hicks recorded them in June 2001. Hmmmm ... is that because we might find out that he is 4 years older than he says he is, and as such, not eligible for the "American Idol" crown? ...but the good news MILWAUKEE, Wis. - Milwaukee has been ranked by Fo...

According to the Suffolk County District Attorneys office, in Riverhead, N.Y., Annie Donnelly, 38; stole $2.3 million from her employers and spent the money on lottery tickets, buying as much as $6,000 worth of tickets a day in a bid to hit the jackpot, prosecutors said on Thursday. Annie Donnelly, 38, pleaded guilty on Wednesday to stealing the money over 3 1/2 years from her employer, Great South Bay Surgical Associates, where she was a bookkeeper. She was spending about $6,000 on lottery tickets a day, a spokeswoman for the Suffolk County District Attorney's office said. It was not clear how much, if any, she won. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I knew I could steal $2.3 million, why would I spend it on lottery tickets? Could the lottery prize be that much more? I think we have found the definition of "compulsive gambler" or "asshat".

According to WebMD , these are the top 10 prescription drugs that America is taking, and the conditions they are meant to treat: 1 - LEXAPRO Anti-depressant 2 - ZOLOFT Anti-depressant 3 - PREDNISONE Corticosteroid 4 - HYDROCODONE Pain 5 - CYMBALTA Anti-depressant 6 - XANAX Anxiety and panic disorders 7 - WELLBUTRIN Anti-depressant 8 - EFFEXOR Anti-depressant 9 - VICODIN Pain 10 - LIPITOR Cholesterol Do we notice a trend here? America is in pain, and it makes them sad. A recent nationwide story revealed that more than 40 percent of Americans are taking at least one prescription. About one in six people is taking three or more prescriptions. Three or more? Think about it - arthritis, pain, depression, cholesterol, high-blood pressure and contraceptives - between those conditions there are enough pills to fit 40 percent of us. It probably isn't very difficult to get your doctor to prescribe at least two of thes...

Today's vocabulary word is a common word, something you find around work, school or maybe even around the house. I'll offer some clues, and let's see if you can unscramble today's word. Clicking on the blue links will provide a premature answer - so save them till the end! Microsoft Word tries to separate it into two words, or change it to sashay or ascot . There is a web site devoted to one, with a picture of President Bush on the home page. You can buy a t-shirt with one on the front... ...or buy a CD with a song title that is one. A YouTube search will yield 46 results. You can even do a news story search and find one . You can find it in the Urban Dictionary ... ...or read Carmen's blog , where it has common usage. If you are still wondering what it is; It could also be defined this way ... Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey....

I like to look at the Stat Counter at the bottom of the screen, to see where my readers are coming from. Some of you I know, but the ones I don't are intriguing to me. As we know, Blogger is owned by Google, so the searches on the world's most popular search engine will show our little blogs as well as other research sites. After two posts about the Little League World Series, I had a reader come up as a result of searching "Little League fucking" which makes me think about my audience more than I'd like. Others came about from "Little League obscenity" which is more reasonable. I've also had more than a few hits as a result of searching for local weather-caster Cecily Tynan, and probably one more today, if the angry "anonymous" post from something I wrote a long time ago is any indication. Whenever I rant about Dubya, I get a search originating from Federal Triangle in good-old D.C. That makes me cringe a bit, but I figure I have the Co...

SOUTH WILLIAMSPORT, Pa. (AP) - Staten Island manager Nick Doscher and one of his players were reprimanded by Little League World Series organizers Monday following an incident during the New York team's 1-0 loss to Lemont, Ill., in which the player yelled an obscenity and Doscher responded by striking him. Staten Island, trailing by a run, had just turned a double play in the top of the sixth when the unidentified player swore as the players huddled in the dugout before the team's final turn at-bat. The obscenity was clearly heard on ESPN's prime-time broadcast of the game, just before the network cut to commercial. It appeared that Doscher then struck the player with an open hand. "Little League International was extremely disappointed in the behaviour of the player and coach involved in the incident," the organization said in a statement. "Because the incident was not noticed by any umpire, the Little League International Tournament Committ...

We still aren't sure if the networks jumped the gun in reporting that JonBenet Ramsey's killer had been aprehended (since his story is full of holes) but the creepy little guy had a much more interesting back-story that newspapers and television glossed over. This was the last paragraph in the Philadelphia Inquirer's lengthy story today: Hours before Karr's departure, a doctor at a seedy but popular clinic in downtown Bangkok specializing in sex-change surgery said Karr had come in for treatment. "He was one of my patients," Thep Vechavisit of the Pratunam Polyclinic said. He refused to provide further details. Bangkok, where Karr lived on and off for two years, is regarded as a major global center for sex-change operations. The Pratunam clinic advertises sex-change surgery for $1,625 - a bargain compared with U.S. prices, where male-to-female reassignment surgery can cost tens of thousands of dollars. First, I'm not sure that I would be looking ...

The Little League World Series started last week and will continue until Sunday. All weekend, the games were on the TV, with various countries sending their best and brightest 12-year-olds to Williamsport, PA in search of the championship. I think even Thailand has a team. Check their birth certificates. As with most things, I have mixed feelings about this spectacle. Mostly, I object to putting a 12-year-old on TV in a competition either before or after grown-ups are playing the same game for profit. The commentators (some of them former major leaguers) make the viewers think that the kids are real ballplayers, describing their actions as though they were talking about the Yankees. These kids aren't ballplayers any more than JonBenet Ramsey was a beauty queen. They're 12 years old. The games were on ESPN almost non-stop last weekend, and they will be on this week, as the teams are whittled down to a precious few, with International Semifinals and something called the Ur...

I have to be very careful with this because it is a sensitive subject, but I have a problem with the continuing saga o f JonBenet Ramsey and the return of her alleged killer. First, this John Mark Karr (they always have three names) is a creepy MoFo to begin with. He has that Lee Harvey Oswald blank stare that tells me I'd better not trust him to look after my cat let alone my child. His head is too big for his body and he wears his pants way too high - but I digress. Before takeoff from Thailand, Karr took a glass of champagne from a flight attendant and clinked glasses with Mark Spray, an investigator with the Boulder District Attorney's office , who sipped orange juice. That's a little odd, don't-cha-think? Is champagne an appropriate beverage for an alledged child killer? Mostly though, I have a problem with dressing a child up like an adult and parading her around in beauty pageants and whatnot. It would appear to me that the parents could have used psychological...

LAS VEGAS, NV - City officials have made it illegal to sleep within 500 feet of urine or feces, but the city attorney says the new law was passed by mistake and won't be enforced. The new ordinance makes it illegal to "knowingly establish" sleeping quarters near defecation unless that "deposit" is made in an appropriate sanitary facility. It was passed unanimously by the Las Vegas City Council as part of a bill making it a misdemeanor to go to the bathroom in public. City Attorney Brad Jerbic says the council will consider a revised version of the ordinance that shortens the distance between sleeper and deposits. Geez, now I'll have to find a room ! I've been putting off a vacation in Las Vegas, but now I know that they're taking the "What Happens in Vegas" theme seriously, I will consider going - so to speak ... but only if they shorten the distance between mine and urine. FOUNTAIN VALLEY, Calif. - Workers at Angiano's gourmet chocol...

Wichita , KS - Some brainiac in Kansas (of all places [sorry Pam ]) aced the SAT with a perfect 2400 score. He tells us that if students want to do better on the test, they can go to the official College Board website and sign up for the "Question of the Day" which will come to your e-mail inbox, as if you need that kind of pressure in your life. Here's today's question: The Official SAT Question of the Day ™ Part of the following sentence is underlined; beneath the sentence are five ways of phrasing the underlined material. Select the option that produces the best sentence. If you think the original phrasing produces a better sentence than any of the alternatives, select choice 1. Warmer coastal air and water has accelerated melting in Antarctica’s ice shelves and increased the flow of glaciers into the sea. has accelerated melting in Antarctica’s has accelerated Antarctica’s melting having accelerated the melting of Antarctica’s accelerated Antar...

Jessica Biel arrives for the premiere of "The Illusionist" in New York on Tuesday, Aug. 15, 2006.

WASHINGTON -- They are a secret little known outside the news and public relations businesses. "Video news releases”, or VNRs, often look like real television news reports, and you may well have seen one without even knowing it. Now the government is taking a closer look. VNRs often use actors to play reporters, and are produced by businesses or groups trying to get their messages out. The Federal Communications Commission is asking 77 TV stations about their use of VNRs, which critics label "fake news”. The feds acted after complaints that some stations may have been running the video releases without telling viewers who paid for them. Media experts said some stations like the VNRs because they're essentially free, pre-packaged stories that fill air time. Great. Now, what do we do about Fox News? Count the number of times your local newscast does a story that is a direct advertisement for a show that is coming on their network affiliate that evening. Is this news? So of...

TRENTON, NJ - New Jersey Attorney General Zulima Farber resigned on Tuesday after a special prosecutor concluded that she violated her department's code of ethics in going to the aid of her boyfriend at a traffic stop in May. She had long come under attack for her own driving record, which includes 15 tickets, three license suspensions and two bench warrants since 1979. As anyone who drives knows, driving is a skill that not everyone possesses in equal degrees. The trouble is, almost everyone has to drive, so whether you are any good at it or not has nothing to do with your level of participation. When I was in high school, I tried tennis, but soon found out that I stunk at it. The racket stayed in the closet, and I went about trying to find something that I was better at than chasing fuzzy little balls around [insert joke here] . The fact that I was a lousy tennis player was only a danger to me and the fence behind me. Driving, however, is another matter. In issues of public...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Three quarters of Americans can correctly identify two of Show White's seven dwarfs while only a quarter can name two Supreme Court Justices, according to a poll on pop culture released on Monday. Just over 60 percent of respondents were able to name Bart as Homer's son on the television show "The Simpsons," while only 20.5 percent were able to name one of the ancient Greek poet Homer's epic poems, "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey." Asked what planet Superman was from, 60 percent named the fictional planet Krypton, while only 37 percent knew that Mercury is the planet closest to the sun. Respondents were far more familiar with the Three Stooges -- Larry, Curly and Moe -- than the three branches of the U.S. government -- judicial, executive and legislative. Seventy-four percent identified the former, 42 percent the latter. I really don't see what the issue is here. Are we supposed to be appalled that people don't know h...

"World Trade Center," Oliver Stone' new film about the September 11 attacks, managed a No. 3 finish at the box office. The better-than-expected tally included $19 million in weekend tickets sales alone, landing "World Trade Center" in third place at the North American box office for the Friday-through-Sunday period. Will Ferrell's race car comedy "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby," from Sony Pictures Entertainment, returned to the top of the box office with $23 million in its second weekend, raising its cumulative total to $91.2 million. The big surprise here, I guess, is that a goofy comedy did better than the serious dramatic story. To me, it proves that, for the most part, people want to be entertained. There isn't a person old enough to go to the movies that doesn't remember the horrible events of Sept. 11, 2001. I don't know what revelations Stone could have brought to the film that we don't already know - and don...

Are you feeling like your life isn't what it should be? All you need is a little insomnia and you can square-up your meaningless existence by doing nothing more than turning on your television. Right there on the TV at 4:00am is the answer to whatever problem you may be facing. Most of them involve doing little or nothing to get something. Sounds too good to be true? Get your credit card ready and change your life. "Make Amazing Part-Time Income", they proclaim. Create profitable trading opportunities in the Forex Market. I'm not sure I want to know what the Forex Market is, but it appears to be profitable. It sounds like a place where they sell condoms. Can't get financing for that car you want? All-Approved Auto Finance. No one is turned down. It's probably followed by All-Approved Auto Repo. Got smelly air in your home, apartment or trailer? The Oreck air cleaner is your answer. It sure looked clean on the TV. Out of shape? Bowflex . They even manage to m...

Another fax "too good to be true" offer came at the office today. Proclaiming some better-than-free trip to someplace that's way too hot to go in the summer. Usually they tout some penny stock that is destined to go up by 20%, from its price of eight cents. But this one was telling me I needed to go on vacation ... NOW! "Hurry ... Space is Limited" it said. That's truth in advertising. Space is always limited, no matter where you are - even in space. Besides, I'm not signing up for a trip to Jamaica in August, no matter how cheap it is. It's probably Jamaica, Long Island anyway. Either way, it's too stinking hot to go anyplace further south than Washington, D.C. Which reminds me... A "Presidential Bust" of U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton was unveiled on Wednesday at New York's Museum of Sex, where sculptor Daniel Edwards hopes it will spark discussion about sex, politics and celebrity. Edwards, the artist who also created a life-size nud...