Getting a firm grip on reality

George: What's that?

Jerry: Oh, it's Risk. It's a game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.
- Seinfeld, The Label Maker, 1995

Wake the kids, phone the neighbors – it’s time once again for the annual ritual that sports geeks across America call Fantasy Football.

Fantasy football isn’t exactly a game of world domination, but to hear the participants talk about it, you’d think it was. And, we do hear them talk. The only thing that makes it less annoying than overhearing a cell phone conversation is that the rambling about their fantasy team only goes on for 9 months of the year.

Believe it or not, it started in 1962 in Oakland, California. Now, it has riddled the countryside and for some (like me), it has ruined the game of football. It’s the reason for the scrolling player updates on TV and the obsession over numbers of minor players and over-emphasis on offense. And God forbid their fantasy Quarterback is playing against their home town team. They get very confused, because in fantasy football (unlike real football), individuals are more important than the team.

Fantasy teams are not put together like real teams. There is no team chemistry or complimentary players – it’s all about the statistics and who can run up the biggest point totals through self-glorification on the field, which is fitting, since modern society has become something of a “me first” culture. Individual glory at the expense of the group.

I was lucky enough to get out several years ago, when I realized that I was no longer enjoying the game for the game. I enjoy watching football, and I can watch any two teams play, but when the element of gambling or rooting for one particular player is involved, much of the enjoyment is lost for me. Now, much like the ex-smoker who hates smoke-filled rooms, I have a similar disdain for fantasy football.

The funny thing about fantasy players is that they get some odd enjoyment out of making themselves sound smarter than other people. “I drafted Steve Smith in the sixth round!” they proclaim, as though we are supposed to see the brain power involved. My response is usually, “I tied my own shoes this morning.” Getting a “steal” in the draft is seldom accompanied by letting us in on the mistakes they made. In those cases, the player is to blame, since he failed to live up to expectations. Crediting yourself for success and blaming others for failure is also a mantra of society.

They think we’re all as interested in their team as they are. Out of nowhere, the topic will come up in conversation. “Drew Brees is killing me.” Really? I had no idea, since the Saints are 5 and 0. “Antonio Gates sucks!” Sure. What about that block he threw that sprung his receiver for a 20-yard gain? Oh, sorry; no fantasy points for blocks.

They probably didn’t see the block because fantasy players aren’t really watching the game. They’re watching their own game where their made-up teams of real players compete against other made-up teams. The money is real, and in some cases it’s considerable. A thinly veiled gambling exercise disguised as entertainment.

When the season starts in a few weeks, I’ll be rooting for the Eagles and Chargers. The whole team, not just the players on offense. I’ll talk about the team and the real players on the real field. As for your little fantasy world - talk amongst yourselves.