Sit down, relax - have a cream soda.

The local media is kicking our ass.

David Sale Jr. was brutally beaten and subsequently killed after a brawl with some hooligans at McFadden's at Citizen's Bank Ballpark on Saturday. There were three front page stories in the Philadelphia Inquirer today. One on the front page, another on the front of the South Jersey section by Karen Heller and a third on the front of the sports page by Phil Sheridan. The only one with any actual facts was the one on the front page. Read them if you want, but suffice it to say, Sheridan and Heller missed the point entirely by blaming Phillies fans.

Briefly, the three assailants had rap sheets as long as their arms, and killed a guy who was involved in a bachelor party, over a spilled beer. The part where we're getting our asses kicked is the part where it supposedly involved Phillies fans. Phillies fans are the least of the people involved in this. To wit, the assailants:

Those charged in Saturday’s fatal beating of David Sale Jr. outside Philadelphia’s Citizens Bank Park are:

■ Charles Bowers, 35, of the 6100 block of Bustleton Avenue, Oxford Circle.

Status: charged with murder and criminal conspiracy engaging in murder. Preliminary hearing set for August 5.

Background: The Frankford High School graduate has worked for a moving company. His current employment is unknown. He served five months of a six- to 23-month prison term for simple assault and possession of an instrument of crime in the Sept. 26, 1993, stabbing of a man during a late night party in Fishtown.

■ Jim P. Grove, 45, of the 800 block of East Almond Street, Kensington.

Status: charged with murder and criminal conspiracy engaging in murder. Preliminary hearing is set for August 5.

Background: unknown. He has one 1983 arrest for “persistent disorderly conduct.” A 1974 arrest for reckless endangerment and harassment were both withdrawn.

■ Francis Kirchner, 28, of the 1200 block of East Palmer Street, Fishtown.

Status: turned himself in to authorities late Monday afternoon. He is expected to face the same charges as Grove and Bowers.

Background: The high school graduate works as a milk deliverer for a Bucks County dairy. He is serving four years’ probation, with mandatory anger-management counseling, on a guilty plea to simple assault and reckless endangerment in the July 22, 2006, group beating of a man outside Moe’s Tavern in Fishtown.

They sound like your average, run of the mill Phillies fans, don't they? Anger-management counseling, simple assault and reckless endangerment. Just like you and me. Hard to believe they'd pummel another man until he died. Jesus Phil and Karen, get a grip.

The incident at McFadden's has about as much to do with Phillies fans as ice cream has to do with the summer. They exist together, but aren't responsible for each other.

Somebody thought it would be a good idea to physically link a bar with the ballpark. The Phillies cut off beer sales at the 7th inning, but you can go downstairs, watch the game on TV at McFadden's and drink until 2:00am.

Citizen's Bank Ballpark has become a gathering place as much as it has a place to watch baseball. Large numbers of people wander around, seemingly oblivious of the game at hand. It's a baseball party. It has little to do with the team's success and more to do with the success of the place itself. They built it for that purpose, and it has been hugely successful.

David Sale wasn't killed by Phillies fans. He was killed by a few guys with rap sheets who only coincidentally ran into him at the ballpark. Thugs are everywhere, waiting for someone to dump over their warm pilsner. Those sorts of things happen everywhere, and if it had happened in Fishtown, it would have been a page 10 story. As it was, it happened at a Phillies game, so it's front page on three sections today.

It shouldn't be a bigger story merely because it happened around a sporting event. It had nothing to do with sports and everything to do with nitwits who can't handle 12 or 14 beers. The trouble for us (Phillies fans and Philadelphians in general) is that we get lumped-in with asshats like that.

But, it's bigger news if they involve the Phillies, and it's a bigger lawsuit too. But that's another story for another day. If it had happened in Fishtown (home of the hooligans) it would have been a minor issue, buried between the sports and weather on the 11 o'clock news. As it was, it's a big deal because they can say "Phillies" a hundred times and link it in with their fans because the bar is architecturally connected to the ballpark.

It's like that "Bruno" movie. People go and they're offended. Then, they're angry that the movie offended them. What did they expect? Gone With the Wind?

Bars, ballparks and hot Saturday afternoon's are rife with problems. They serve beer on the charter bus on the way to the game, beer at the ballpark and beer at the bar next to the place; then we're surprised that people get shitfaced and start brawling.

It isn't like the TV commercials where guys are happy and laughing. Real drunks are not ready for commercial television. Get ready for the shotgun "wrongful death" lawsuits, naming everybody from the bus driver to the bartenders at McFadden's.

The wrongful part is that we expect to live through some of these experiences.