Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

WASHINGTON – Detroit's Big Three automakers pleaded with a reluctant Congress Tuesday for a $25 billion lifeline to save the once-proud titans of U.S. industry, pointedly warning of a national economic catastrophe should they collapse. Millions of layoffs would follow their demise, they said, as damaging effects rippled across an already-faltering economy. "Our industry ... needs a bridge to span the financial chasm that has opened up before us," General Motors Corp. CEO Rick Wagoner told the Senate Banking Committee. He blamed the industry's predicament not on management failures but on the deepening global financial crisis.

Boo-hoo. We need money! Help us, help us! Auntie Em, Uncle Henry! It's a twister, it's a twister!

I am here to extend a hail and hearty "Fuck you" to the automakers and their management failures and their childish begging for money lest they take their toys and go home. I say, "Go home, failed dinosaurs." Apparently, we can get along fine without you and your giant vehicles clogging the road and using expensive gasoline.

Now that their great fantasy world has come crashing down around them, they come begging for forgiveness and warn of economic destruction that will occur in their wake. Let it come, because the will of the people and the economic process of something called supply and demand will rule the day.

I feel badly for those displaced workers who have suckled at the teat of their unions and their bloated salaries for so long, but people need cars and you'll likely wind up with a job working for an American plant making Hondas, Toyotas or Volkswagens, so suck it up and stop your blubbering Tin Man. Face it. You've hitched your wagon to a falling star. The world doesn't need hula hoops, rotary telephones or antennas anymore either.

Senator Mike Enzi, (R-Wyoming), complained that the larger financial crisis "is not the only reason why the domestic auto industry is in trouble." He cited "inefficient production" and "costly labor agreements" that put the U.S. automakers at a disadvantage to foreign companies.

Right you are, Mike. He's a Republican, but when you're right, you're right. Technology is the bitch mother of the automotive industry and the U.S. automakers have been mastered by her. Now, they want us to further foot the bill - as though driving these wasteful vehicles and waiting for them to figure out how to run a car on something besides gasoline has been a pleasure for us. They can suck my cock on Rittenhouse Square if they think I'm giving them another dime to make more of the same crap.

Now, go away and come back tomorrow!

Bring me the dipstick of the Toyota Prius!

The great and powerful Oz has spoken!