Food as Sport

"Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania' or 'teria’."

- Homer Simpson

They also end in "Bowl" - as in Super or ... Wing.

Thank whatever God you pray to that some heathen invented the CD player. Why? I’m glad you asked.

Today, WIP and my favorite morning radio show is hosting something they call the Wing Bowl, (the 15th one, really) an eating contest where 20 endomorphs sit on a big stage and try to throw down as many chicken wings as they can in an hour. In today’s Inquirer, columnist Frank Fitzpatrick called it a “rodeo for the repulsive” and a “bacchanal for bozos”. Good ones, Frank. Somehow, it became a radio show, and every year for the last 15, the Friday before the Super Bowl is Wing Bowl day in Philadelphia. The station’s ads call it a “Sporting Event”. Uh-huh. If eating is a sport, then sex should be in the Olympics. That, at least, is something I’d watch.

I’m not a big fan of eating contests to begin with. I like food too much to turn it into a competition. Besides, I think it promotes gluttony and waste, and generally makes fat people look fatter and more disgusting with wing sauce all over their faces. Occasionally, somebody vomits, which thrills them to no end. Sadly, afterward, they are kicked out of the contest. They belong to something called the IFOCE – The International Federation of Competitive Eaters. Probably looks great on a resume.

I’m not all that surprised that it has turned into a huge event. I’m more interested in why it is put on the radio. We are listening to people eat. What’s next? Maybe listening to a guy painting a wall or reading would be fun? Each contestant is accompanied by a cadre of girls (called Wingettes) that are culled from the various strip clubs around the greater Philadelphia area. The odd part is, that the girls are one of the big attractions of the thing. Ummm…it’s radio. Before I turned it off, I heard the host proclaim, “Look at these girls!” Uhmm … you look at them – I’m listening to the radio. Geez.

Once again, we have Howard Stern to thank for changing the face of radio. Twenty years ago, we wouldn’t have bikini-clad women on the radio because there really isn’t any point to it, other than for the entertainment of the hosts. We probably didn’t have eating contests, either, and mores the better for that. While I’m a big fan of the bikini-clad woman and eating, I don’t think either one necessarily belongs on the radio. Maybe I don’t buy into the whole “Theater of the Mind” concept, I don’t know. It’s lost on me as a radio show. As a promotion, I suppose it works, since there are 20,000 people in the Wachovia Center watching this thing, (albeit in various stages of inebriation) but otherwise, include me out.

So, my ride to work this morning was accompanied by a Blue Man Group CD, who, although blue, are nonetheless fine musicians and innovative performers. I’m not sure how they look in a bikini, but I’d be willing to bet that they don’t paint their faces when they are in the recording studio.

Interestingly, tickets for their April 19 show at the same Wachovia Center are going on sale Saturday morning. I’ll be there, and I only hope that they get the joint cleaned up in time.

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Blogger's note: That was last year. We're on 16 now.

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17 and counting.